I've been with my gf for almost 6 months now. For context she's still in grad school (we have a 2 year age gap) and I'm struggling to feel physically attracted to her. I have a good job, decent amounts of stress, I like to work out, spend time with friends, and am very outgoing. She's super sweet, kind, sensitive, and brilliant. I find her attractive but I find the fact that she's always up in my business and available to me unattractive. She also just got an amazing job in another state (1/2)
Toss that shit out!! Abusers don’t deserve politeness
From someone’s who has been in an abusive relationship - throw them out!! Not worth reopening that door and wound! Emotionally abusive people have a way of being manipulative and preying on our emotions - I would hate for this person to use this one act of kindness to try to get back into your life. STAY AWAY
Trash can! Trash can! Don't open that door, or window, or whatever you wanna call it frand!
Let me say first things first this sounds more like a advice best suited for your therapist to work with you on and not a bunch of fools on fishbowl. With that said, if it was me I’d consider my self preservation and personal safety. The questions Id ask you is has it been a clean break, how much time has passed, and does the desire to do the “right thing” out weigh the stress of re-opening a line of communication with an ex.
Lastly i can speak to this spiritually which is: I don’t see a right or wrong approach. You have two paths one is easy and the other is rocky, complicated and possibly dangerous. It all depends on where you want to go and if you care how you get there
Thanks, everyone, for the advice. @CD1 was right that this was a question for my therapist, and perhaps not this forum, and we’ll for sure be talking about it next week. But to address @CD1’s other concern, I wouldn’t have posted anything about it here, but in the time I was with this person, they did a pretty good job of cutting me off from my social circle and a lot of my friends. (I was still pretty new to Chicago when we met, so it wasn’t a very wide circle to begin with.) On top of that, I haven’t really talked about exactly what happened with my few remaining friends because I still don’t know how. I think I don’t want people to feel sorry for me or treat me like I’m fragile or something. Anyway, I was kind of blindsided by the panic attack and I just needed to get it out. This anonymous app is good for that. That’s all.
Oh, and if anyone is wondering, I threw the pictures out and am trying not to feel bad about it.
They haven’t thought about or asked for them in 2 years. They hurt you. The photos go in the garbage and you don’t need to spend a second thought on it.
Enjoy the calm and distance of that person being far in your past. You owe them nothing.
If they treated you like garbage then that's where the photos belong. You are worthy of so much more.
Further to my earlier post, and reflecting on this further:
It is unsafe for you to create any opening at all for this person back in your life. These photos, no matter how they’re delivered (through a mutual friend etc.) are an opening.
The abuser may “remember” other things they left with you and attempt further contact. They may try to return some of your things. They may want to “thank you” for returning them. They may need to something something who gives a shit.
All of the above are incredibly unsafe. This person crossed a million lines with things far more personal than childhood photos (your mind and body).
You throwing them out or fucking burning them or whatever you need to do is simple self-protection. There is no alternative
Best.
Burn them and laugh while you stare into the flames! Some people don't deserve your kindness.
If you really want to get them back to them. Maybe send them to an address with no return address. If you can’t find their address, maybe their parents address?
I think this is a safety issue, above all else. Obviously, the photos haven’t been missed, so, I say throw them out and value your life and safety above all else!
@ADir1 We don’t have mutual friends. She doesn’t really have friends, and as I mentioned, she did a pretty good job of cutting me off from mine in time we were together. Anyway, I tossed them.
Good for you for throwing them out! And congratulations for mustering up the courage to keep going. Hugs. ❤️
(2/2) in with some of mine. Obviously I don’t want to keep them, but the thought of contacting this person gave me a panic attack. After everything I went through, I’m terrified of any contact with them. But if they were my pictures, I would want them, and I feel guilty about even thinking about tossing them into the garbage. Can someone tell me what I should do? (I’d ask my therapist, but he’s out of office until after the 1st.)
Get a mutual friend to pass them along?