{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "(1/2)\nSince the pandemic I've been hanging out wish a friend of a friend who lives closest to me. What I've learned hanging out with her regularly this past year is that everyone (including her \"bestest friend in the whole world\" as well as friends of mine who met her) else was right about her. She's kind of light conversationally. She comes from an affluent family whose raised her to be taken care of. (CONTINUED BELOW)", "post_id": "60e1d22a7f81a60020d3fc7f", "reply_count": 29, "vote_count": 2, "bowl_id": "5e8656b80bdab1002a7355dc", "bowl_name": "Confession ", "feed_type": "bowl" }

(1/2) Since the pandemic I've been hanging out wish a friend of a friend who lives closest to me. What I've learned hanging out with her regularly this past year is that everyone (including her "bestest friend in the whole world" as well as friends of mine who met her) else was right about her. She's kind of light conversationally. She comes from an affluent family whose raised her to be taken care of. (CONTINUED BELOW)

likefunny
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You don’t really sound like her friend, honestly. She might be struggling, but no one wants someone to hang out with them because of pity. Start declining invitations, responding less. She’ll get the message.

likesmart

To be frank, it sounds like you started spending time with her because of covid and you didn’t have many options. During this time, you learned more about her, started to looked down on her, and don’t think she is good enough to be you friend. And now that things are opening up, you have much better options, so you don’t want to waste your time on her anymore.

likesmart

Please read your posts again. Maybe something has been lost in translation, but based on your posts, you are not her friend, so please feel free to leave her alone and stay away from her.

likesmartfunny

Boundaries first, always as your statement about falling into a caretaker role is real. Second, as a friend, you should be able to call her out on actions that don't support her goals. Good friends, true friends don't just empathize. They also tell us when we are not doing things to help our situation and help hold us accountable. What are her goals? Does she have them written down? If it is to marry, what is she doing to make herself as an attractive mate (not talking weight here). Self confidence and future plans are also attractive. First step to me sounds like therapy for her. Lastly, the friends we meet early in life at different stages are not necessarily those we have later in life. People change and grow and it is ok not to hang out with someone that doesn't want to grow or have the same ambition as you.

likesmarthelpful

Thanks Director 1 - that's really great advice. I've told her that she needs to jump start her career some kind of way because I know from experience that if your resume is all admin and customer service that this is an employers will think she can do and that add she gets older it will be harder to break out of the mold. I haven't commented much on dating. She's never really been in a relationship. She "dated" a guy fire a few months but he never took her anywhere and only saw her in the middle of the night usually say her place or maybe his. I tried to tell her this wasn't really a relationship let alone a serious relationship but won't hear it. She's trying to lose weight but I realize she's mostly sabotaged herself. Maybe a month ago we went to a spa and when we were going to get food she asked me if she should get both hash browns and fries or just fries. They're both equally greasy carbs that won't help as far as weight loss but I told her just the fries. The place was full of hot guys but she wanted to stay upstairs in the jacuzzi away from all the men and I eventually separated from her because I wanted to do the really hot saunas (where all the hot guys were) that she couldn't really handle for long. She has since lost 10 lbs. She's started drinking kombucha and exercising. I've actually started drinking kombucha as well. Hopefully this is the beginning of a turnaround in her life.

likefunny

(2/2) At 34 she's worked a series of low wage jobs like customer service. And she's hugely obese so men are put off when seen with her. I'd also posit that she will hide from men out of shame about her body. I'm a fair bit older than her so I try to advise her. When our mutual friend initially told me this a couple years ago I didn't realize and though she was just being catty because I didn't spend time alone with her - I usually only saw her with the other friend. Other friends of mine have also realized that she's kind of light conversationally. And she holds everyone back physically because she walks really slowly because of her weight and can't do things that involve activity like hiking or long walks. I had hoped to do a lot of walking yesterday with another friend but then she joined us and we ended up sitting a lot of the time or always having to stop and wait for her catch up. Her parents were much older and sound like my grandparents. They didn't allow her to get a driver's license - in Florida! She had said that given her low wage existence (where her affluent parents subsidize her rent in an expensive part of town and has to ask them for money to do anything like travel) she wants to marry a guy with money (a tall, ripped, hot finance bro like her brother) because she wants a certain lifestyle but clearly can't afford it herself. She was interested in constitutional law but when she saw how hard it was to get into she jettisoned law entirely (like she wasn't interested in some other type of law) and now works in telephone customer service for a luxury brand. Before that she had some minimum wage job at a hotel after doing some certificate in hotel management and had admin jobs before. No career, just a series of jobs. She was considering getting a Master's in social work but has not deferred because she doesn't want to take out loans for a job that isn't going to pay much. Her father's business has suffered in the pandemic and they can't afford to pay for the matters degree. I have a feeling she's not going to go to grad school at all and really builds getting married into her life plan. Because of how her parents treated her (her brother was the favorite because he was the boy) I feel bad for her abs see her issues as the outcome of her parents raiding hey to be dependent. My mother was treated similarly by my grandparents but she fared better. I also went through a period of underemployment and at her age was living with my mother BUT I was actively job hunting in a lucrative field. I got over my issues with math, rolled up my sleeves and did the work and it's eventually paid off at least for now. I try to advise her based on my experience but she is an adult and will do what she wants. I find myself often just responding "uh-huh" when she goes on about specifical, trivial subjects. Another friend has noticed that I'm falling into a caretaker dynamic and I don't like it but I feel bad abandoning her. She didn't do anything wrong per se. She's a really nice person. She's just obese and isn't living up to her potential and I don't want to be literally or proverbially weighed down and held back keeping her company, especially now with things opening up. And her marrying a guy like her brother who will take care of her and give her the lifestyle she was raised with is like pure fantasy. How do I gently extricate myself from this situation? Hopefully as life speeds up I won't have time for her or at least will spend less time with her one on one

likefunny

I think OP is a she, A1. Just setting the record straight. OP’s words are pretty damning

You’ve only gotten to know her about a year. Sounds like a fine time to step away. Nothing obligates you to be “friends” with anyone else. She certainly doesn’t sound like someone I’d remain friends with, and you don’t sound like you like her at all. The shallow convo alone would end it for me, and her expectations of wanting a hot rich buff man sounds hypocritical. I think she needs therapy and it’s not your job to pity-date her (friend-date).

like

Does "hanging out" mean dating? Ugh I'm so old.

How old is old?

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🤌🏻

You seem like you're super fun at parties.

Oh I am... 🥳

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