{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "24F here. I would love to raise my own children one day, but it just feels immoral to me to bring a new life into a world that I view as failing new generations (climate change, fractured political landscape, income inequality). I’m thinking of adopting but know my SO doesn’t want to. Has anyone else faced this question? Just trying to get the thoughts out there", "post_id": "60b77ec8400bf4001cca72c4", "reply_count": 15, "vote_count": 9, "bowl_id": "59e88be7e2808e00149b0443", "bowl_name": "Women In Consulting" }

24F here. I would love to raise my own children one day, but it just feels immoral to me to bring a new life into a world that I view as failing new generations (climate change, fractured political landscape, income inequality). I’m thinking of adopting but know my SO doesn’t want to. Has anyone else faced this question? Just trying to get the thoughts out there

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There’s never gonna be a perfect world

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I disagree. The world has been in shambles since the beginning of time. Children will always be blessing and you can raise them to be better than what you see around.

likesmart

If this is your view of the world then I suggest reading Factfulness by Hans Rosling. Basically proves through science and statistics that the world is getting measurably better all the time (maybe not in 2020 😅) but people just think it’s getting worse.

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Yes. I think it’s easy to adopt a negative worldview when media is incentivized to portray things in the most polarizing way possible because it increases viewership. Plus we’re so connected now that it’s easier to be aware of specific “bad” events that are happening even though statistically these kind of things are on average trending down. I’m sure a lot of things are worse right now but over time the trend will correct itself. Also there’s obviously specific problems that need to be addressed but if you look at the overall trend for measures of quality of life globally (access to health care, number of people living below poverty, education, etc) continue to get better.

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I feel the same about this world. Its worsening at such a rapid rate and i dont feel like I could really protect a child.

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Yes. And I just had my first kid. I always knew I wanted kids but also felt guilty because of the impact to climate, the state of the world, etc. I recognize that having kids is selfish to a degree and am okay with that. I would not be offended if someone said that to me. I know of someone else who felt even stronger than I did and had a kid! For a while I thought about adoption as that was a less climate heavy impact decision but really wanted my own biological kid. Every option is okay! I do try and be mindful now that I have a kid - though I know a child is bad for the environment. We cloth diaper, really try to reduce waste, and compost. I know it’s not the same as not having kids, but it’s a little better. My husband and I are very aligned on this and the impact we are making by having kids.

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I feel the same way and I'm in the same boat! I don't have any advice but know you're not alone.

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Do not spend energy thinking about the desires of a SO yet. Decide what’s important to you and what YOU want. The right SO for you will be aligned with your values.

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I was in the same boat, only because I was told I couldn't have kids from the fertility specialist and my husband 100% supported any decision I made, whether to adopt or not have kids. Little did we know 7 months later I became pregnant naturally and now my lo is 2 months old ❤️.

I haven’t faced your dilemma, but I do think you’re doing the right thing by being very upfront about what you want and why. The good thing is that you both want kids, so while you have different preferences for how you have them, you’re at least on the same page as far as wanting kids. I would work on communicating why you feel the way you do and figure out why your SO feels the way they do. Counseling also isn’t just for when people are hitting a rough patch, so maybe a professional could help you both communicate these things.

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You have a lot of time to discuss and decide what you want, and this SO may not wind up being the one you ultimately decide to have children with - don't rush into anything; you're still young.

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Feel the same way :')

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