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Your father sounds outrageous! Iām in your camp
I would have a very frank conversation with him about how what heās saying makes you feel. From your post it seems like he wants you to change how you express yourself to fit into the social model he deems most acceptable. Itās that kind of attitude that leads to judgement and bias against those that are perceived as ādifferentā - and for that to come from your father must really hurt. He may not āhearā what you are saying to him initially but if you set some consequences for his behavior - should it continue - and follow through, he should get the message soon enough.
Enthusiast
My parents are the same. Iām the kind that would get agitated each time. But my sis found a way to shut them down. When being criticised of weight gain, she basically just says ā I am super beautiful already and I donāt need any more weight lossā. They got so shocked by her confidence and learnt to shut up.
Conversation Starter
It has really hurt and I have basically zero self confidence / self esteem in social situations and people can tell. Iām constantly second guessing myself. In social situations with him, when I look over, he has like almost a confused/disgusted look on his face. Iāve tried to tell him before that him criticizing me has led me to be really unsure of myself all the time and his response is basically āAh itās all my fault. of course blame it on your parents who have done so much for you.ā What do I do??
Conversation Starter
My dad does this to me constantly. Iāve learned to just accept that him and my mom will never accept my decisions or the way I am and criticize me. I used to second guess myself and look to them for validation. Like every decision has to be approved by them. My parents and I are very different, and I think with that are going to come decisions that theyāre not happy with. So Iāve learned to seek my own validation and happiness. Iām not responsible for how they feel, all I can do is listen to their advice(sometimes they may be right), and think about whether their advice aligns with what I want for myself/ makes sense. I would recommend therapy to help you sort through these emotions. Itās worked for me
Sorry this is happening. Your dad should be your cheerleader imo, not the the opposite. Donāt let it get to you- getting into BCG (or being in client facing roles more generally) is proof that you literally excel in social situations
Rising Star
WHAAT!? This is 100% a āhimā problem and not a āyouā problem. This is strange behavior IMO. Tell him that if he really wants to help he should keep his opinions to himself and let you figure it out. Hopefully that is democratic enough to get your point across but not trigger a narcissistic tirade.
Iām sorry youāve experienced that :( I have critical parents as well and itās really painful. Itās 100% a problem within himself - lots of times other people (especially our parents) project their insecurities onto us. It helped me to think a bit about where it might be coming from within my parents based on what I know of their past. The more I understood their psychological issues, the more I could see those comments for what they are - an expression of their insecurity
Chief
Move out? Stop hanging with your parents that oftenā¦set boundaries, shut down the convo
Conversation Starter
I donāt live with my parents, just hang out with them and family friends a lot
If you lack confidence itās because the comments you have heard over and over from him have become the dialogue you have with yourself in your own head. He has spent all this time trying to bully you into being more confident. Therapy can really, really help here if you find the right person with whom to work.