2mos of sobriety and thought I finally had it together; not for the length, but bc I started telling people, entered a good relationship, felt confident in being social + sober. And then at a work event, I got blackout. It was bad, and I ended up an incoherent drunk w/ a senior leader at hotel (not sexual, couldn't find my room at 3am and don't remember the rest). Apologized sincerely and they said it's ok. But I'm feeling weird, irresponsible and like this ruins a reputation- any advice ?

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“Sorry” is overused. Recovery is about honesty and amends. Pull that leader aside, tell them you are in recovery and fell off the wagon. You are aware of the problem you are facing and ask if there is anything you can do to make the situation right. Time will heal and you will regain your reputation.

likeupliftingsmart

What exactly were you doing that led you believe that you had it all together? Notice that I didn't say anything about what you were feeling, what were you doing differently? My experience has been that alcohol is a subtle foe that will patiently wait for your feelings to change, I made plenty promises to myself and others over the course of many years, and I meant it to the core of my being every single time, yet I invariable found myself defenseless against that next drink. I wasn't able to just one day to decide that I was done, I had to take action in my life to begin to start thinking and conducting my daily life differently.

Someone that I had worked closely with for many years suggested that I check out Alcoholics Anonymous, and for some reason coming from a respected professional who worked for Microsoft at the time, his suggestion resonated with me so I found a local meeting.

I just recently celebrated 10 years sober, and in that time I've gotten married, had a son, bought and sold several homes, landed my dream job, found a better paying dream job, and all I had to do was take a few simple suggestions from a group of people that seemed to know exactly where I was coming from as it relates to my relationship with alcohol.

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⬆️ ⬆️ this 👏👏

I wouldn’t do anything right now except focus on getting sober and working the steps. You need a program of recovery and to work the steps which will include doing amends when the time is right.

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I can relate because I too have had those “feelings” of I got it all together.. just to find myself messed up again!! My thing was imma tell EVERYONE about this new found freedom that I found. I now know.., they’ll get me high before I get them clean! So after NUMEROUS attempts of trying to “save” other folks, I opted into SAVING MYSELF!! I’m an addict! I cannot drink sociably I cannot hang around with people that drinks sociably and think I can drink sociably!! Alcohol is a drug!! This is MY understanding for ME. So I stay FAR away from the first one. I surround myself with folks in recovery that enhances my recovery. Please, don’t beat yourself up! Feel, Deal & HEAL!! We Do Recover!!

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I could not stay sober until I did the steps. I’m just about to start step 9 and I see now so clearly how I used alcohol as a crutch to hide my demons. Then those demons built up energy and would explode. Now I am facing them and I feel much better—and no desire to drink.

“…At some of these we balked. thought we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.

Remember that we deal with alcohol, cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us. But there is One who has all power that One is God. May you find Him now!

Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. we asked His protection and care with complete abandon.

Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery:

We admitted we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable.

Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Many of us exclaimed, “What an order! I can’t go through with it.” Do not be discouraged.

No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection.”

Hope this helps, let me know if you want to talk, I’m 7 months sober now so I’m right in the thick of it.

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I’ve got some time so I’m here as well. Love Step 9. We will be amazed before we are halfway through. I remember when I began to see the promise of a better life. Sure, it came some months after I started but I equate it to rolling a car down a hill and popping the clutch to get it running. I had the momentum but I really began to live when I had that clarity. a thanks for sharing today. Great post.

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When your desire to not feel like this overtakes your desire to drink - true transformation will happen. Keep sharpening your tools to combat your inpusles.

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I can relate as well. I made it all the way to day 43 in an outpatient program until I decided that I had control and would be able to sneak a drink here and there without any consequences. 30 days later, I was kicked out of my house again, missing work, and ready to check out on life completely. The accelerated rate of decline after my relapse was shocking. This bottom was where I found the humility to finally mean it when I said I was powerless over alcohol and needed help. I went back to AA via inpatient rehab, and listened to what people had to say. My ego and fear had led me far from what worked. Shutting up, listening, and following that program that included honesty and accountability to my sponsor, other AA members, and my family is what saved me and put me on the right path in the right frame of mind. It has been 6.5 years of sobriety and I still need to follow this approach. Stick with the program and it will help you.

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Oh man, I’ve been exactly where you are, a few times, though I wasn’t really trying to be sober. I just wanted to “control and enjoy my drinking”.

I got blackout a handful of times at work events and did some very questionable things. Consulting (I assume you’re a consultant) is funny though, because lots of people have drinking problems or use drinking to cope with the stress of the job. It’s not an excuse, but it allows us to hide in plain sight, and allows for some leeway that we might not otherwise be afforded in a different profession.

You can’t change the past, but you do get to decide how you proceed. When you say you were sober, were you working a program in AA or were you just trying to not drink on your own?

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And not just advice on the incident but also on how to deal with this random and spaced out blackout habit when my goal is to stop drinking altogether ?

Senior Consultant 1 gave advice I agree with. Being honest is difficult for us at the beginning. If you’re going to get sacked so be it, but you’ll build back better knowing you are being honest. “I am in recovery and slipped. I’m going back to the drawing board and starting over because I know I cannot drink. I love this company and want to earn your trust back. I’m sorry”. For me, I could not do it alone and when I ran from AA I found myself back out drinking for 14 years. I went back and searched for another sponsor. a sponsor who suited my character. AA and this new sponsor saved me and it was a different experience than the first time around.

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Don’t be too hard on yourself is the first piece of advice I could give. Getting sober doesn’t have to be centred around making amends, it’s about what will work for you. I’m sure any friends/family care a lot more about your health and well being than amends made directly to them. I know AA / 12 step programs have helped a lot of people so I don’t want to take away from the suggestion here, just know there are alternatives like SMART or recovery dharma if this doesn’t seem like the right fit for you, in addition to obvious things like individual counselling/psychotherapy to dig into the root causes if you have the means for those things. I looked at all the options and personally didn’t think 12-steps were the right approach for me if you want to DM to ask about anything.

Aside from a program, something more short term and tactical that could help is talking to your doctor about medication which supports sobriety. Naltrexone and Antabuse are common ones - Antabuse would make you sick if you were to ingest alcohol, so the theory is this is an added deterrent if you’re thinking about drinking. I’m pretty sure there were times early on when I would have started drinking if not for this. That being said it’s not a fix-all solution.

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