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I’m 31, I have two kids, and my side gig is being a doula and supporting moms. Everything you are feeling is 100% okay, and you can be an excellent mother AND not feel ready/feel sad. Feel free to dm me if you would like to talk! 💜
I need to be careful about how many clients I take on, and have back ups! Feel free to DM me
Congratulations! Was in the same situation 13 months ago! No regrets, love the baby so much. DM me if you want to chat :)
Oh also wanted to add, my family lives in a different country. So not the easiest (especially during the pandemic) but I’m still so happy.
Thank you all. These words mean the world to me right now. I’ve always pictured myself as a mother (longed for it Tbh) but the situation I’ve gotten myself into is one I never thought I’d be in. I’m farther along and this decision isn’t one I want to make in haste but I don’t have the luxury of time. I have the strongest support system in family and friends and know I’ll be ok.
Conversation Starter
It’s good to know you have a support system. But as others have suggested I would recommend to talk to a good counselor.
First: congratulations!!! Take a breath. There's plenty of time to think of the logistics and the difficulties. No one is ever fully prepared to become a parent. Take time to celebrate this little miracle who wanted so badly to be with you s/he defied the odds!
I love being a parent. And it is hard—even with 2 parents in the mix. With a demanding job — especially if it takes you on the road— it will be very challenging. You are more than capable of doing this and it will be easier if you have people in your life to help. One of my colleagues has a daughter who decided to have kids (2) on her own, and she moved closer to her parents for support. They are very involved grandparents and it is working well for their family. It is doable. I also fully support a woman’s right to choose when and if she becomes a parent. If you don’t want to do this, you do not have to. And that is ok. Good luck OP! Keep us posted! ❤️
Truth - it's going to be difficult and emotional but totally do-able and in the long run you get the fun, frustration and joy of a lil mini!
I’m a solo mom who started out as a happily married one with a perfect husband, but life had other plans. It’s not easy, but not anywhere near impossible. It’s just very different from what I imagined. The toughest part was letting go of these expectations for how things “should” be. They were making me more miserable than the situation itself.
If it helps, try to focus on your desire to become a mom and raise a sweet little baby, not on the specifics of how you got there. You’ve got this far in life and succeeded in many new beginnings. You can succeed in this too.
Going to share an anecdotal observation. I mean no harm, just alternate perspective.
I have an in law who became a single mother by choice (donor material) a couple years back at 31. She’s gainfully employed as a special ed teacher and a good and responsible human.
She loves her child and does give her positive attention and good care but she seems absolutely miserable, even with close and constant hands on family support. Constantly complaining and overwhelmed by every day baby behavior. Not your typical “this is hard and I’m struggling” moments nor PPD. Just pure misery and complains constantly about every little thing the baby/child does. Every time I hear something from her on socials or via text I’m struck by how miserable she is and how the littlest things that happen (baby or situational) seem to overtake and ruin her whole day/outlook. It makes me worried for the future of the child as far as having a stable home and not being irrationally blamed or fussed at all the time.
Now, this is clearly just ONE person who for myriad reasons appears to be struggling. They have a completely different psychology and set of means than you. In no way do I mean to imply this would happen to you. I just share because it really has put single motherhood in to a whole new light for me, especially the younger years. Even with all the planning and support in the world it appears to be an absolute slog, even for someone who really really wanted this for so long.
No matter what I hope you know that whatever you do will be the right decision for you and you’re entitled to make that choice without guilt or fear. You’ll be doing the best you can no matter your choice and that’s what matters. 💜
My SIL was similar- having a baby she wasn’t able to raise herself really destroyed the whole extended family in unexpected ways. On the other hand, I was a single parent for several years and I actually enjoyed it and miss it now! OP, you know yourself and your situation and whether you can manage it.
Pro
Warm hugs to you.
How do you feel on that roller coaster today?
Have you made a decision to go as single mom and to not tell the father?
Would encourage you to get some counseling to think through the emotions and decisions.
Conversation Starter
Hugs OP. There are no right or wrong answers here. Make sure you are compassionate towards yourself and listen to your inner voice on which path to take. I suggest getting some counselling, I think it would help you deal with the emotions and make decisions. Also hormones will boost your roller coaster so always good to have some help during and after pregnancy. Whatever happens, whatever decisions you make, you are strong and you’ll be ok.
Eh, I don’t consider myself an adult really. I enjoy the zoo and ask why a million times more than my toddler 😂 I never felt ready to be a mom, but I knew I wanted to be one. It’s the most rewarding experience but is of course hard. I’m not trying to downplay parenting, but also it’s important to also see it as an experience to experience the world through your child’s eyes. There is nothing more amazing than that I think. Definitely puts careers and priorities in perspective.
Honey, whatever you decide, it’s ok. Just keep in mind that if the guy is not in the picture, keep him out of the picture. Those usually cause problems later. Like they want to make decisions about kids’ education or where they travel to. Deloitte benefits are good, parental leave is excellent.
I’m in the same situation at 19 weeks pregnant. After taking care of my ex 100% for three years could not do it anymore. Filed and finalized divorce 2/14 — Valentine’s Day. Five days later went ahead with IVF since we had two embryos. It’s been really tough with all the added stress of COVID, layoff uncertainty, etc., but I’m determined to do the best I can every day. I’m enjoying the experience and planning ahead. Here if you want to talk.
It's all individual. Being a parent is extremely hard to a point that I would seriously consider not to have one of I could go back in time.
I became a single mother a few months ago and although it’s hard raising a child alone, becoming a mother is the best thing to ever happen to me. My daughter is ten months old now and I’ve been raising her alone for the past 4 months. There are days when I cry in the shower because I’m so exhausted or overwhelmed juggling work and mom life but overall I wouldn’t trade this for anything in the world. Happy to chat more offline about the reality of your future with the firm as a single parent
Chief
Congratulations, OP! It sounds like you’re planning on being a Mom now, and that’s awesome. Just some advice that the first 12 weeks or so are really, really, REALLY tough. Mentally prepare yourself, and I strongly suggest you work that support system to help you as much as possible for those first 12 weeks. Have someone stay with you to help give you break are times so you can sleep some overnight. Have more people come during the day specifically to watch Baby for an hour or so so you can shower, or sleep more, or eat! Plan for meal deliveries or frozen meals. Let the housework go or get a housekeeper. And remind yourself that that period will end, and you’ll enjoy everything so much more. This is a tough time even for two parents, but you can totally do it! And we’re here to help too. 😊❤️❤️❤️
🤗.finding out you are pregnant no matter the situation brings in a lot of emotions. I echo all of the positive messages and only you can make the decision of what path the future of your life will take. You are probably a very intelligent woman so just believe in yourself no matter what you decide. I would like to share a less optimistic view. I am a mother of two and I will tell you my from my experience that if I wasn’t planning to be pregnant I would have struggled more than I did. I couldn’t imagine doing it on my own. It’s a huge change in your life. If you are ready for that leap Congratulations! If not you have options! Either way make sure you have support and can talk to someone that cares for you and respects your decision.
Conversation Starter
Congratulations! I am recently pregnant too and had fertility issues. That said, when I found out (and even to this day - I’m 8 weeks) I find it hard to have an emotional connection. I remember leaving my Dr a few weeks ago thinking if circumstance would have it and I wanted to terminate I would be okay with at that point in time. I’m not saying you do one or the other - just trying to acknowledge the complexity of these things. I’ve wanted a baby for a while and struggled - and yet also struggle to connect (that said - I also feverishly google everything and am terrified of having a miscarriage so...).
I found out I was pregnant at 30, similarly with a guy who was not in the picture and not someone I felt like I would have reached out to for coparenting. My life was also not in a place where I felt like I would be able to provide the child with a good life, as I didn't yet have enough job stability and was not feeling financially secure.
I chose to have an abortion, and while I sometimes wonder what could have been, I am still happy with my decision. Now 34, married and getting ready for a planned child, and it feels so much better and happy rather than conflicted.
Ultimately its a very personal decision, but for me, one of the telling factors was the immediate feeling of resentment and despair I felt at the pregnancy changes that first time, and knowledge that was not how I wanted to be approaching bringing a child into the world.
This is a true gift and I wish you the best! Online and local communities offer amazing resources for preparing to become a mommy. We live in a world where it’s OK to do it yourself and I know so many mothers who have done an incredible job as single moms. Take it as a blessing in disguise and accept you have the ability to create and introduce an amazing ray of light into this world needing good people. Motherhood is the ultimate achievement!