34f. I talk to a lot of people on dating apps but am struggling to pull the trigger and actually get out and meet a lot of them. Any suggestions to jump start myself? I really want to meet someone and I’m not helping myself at all. I am in the vicious circle of feeling sad/lonely…thinking about exes and why it didn’t work… And then concluding I’ll be alone forever. Busy season on horizon doesn’t help

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I’d maybe try to line up an activity prior to the date, to give you that bit of a start. Sometimes I found that if I am out and about doing stuff, meeting someone at a bar doesn’t seem as tedious vs. if you’re all comfy at home and need to be “out” for a date.

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Limit the first date to an hour even if it’s going well. It makes it much less daunting and will leave you with things to talk about on a second date if there is one. Come up with fake (or real) plans you have after the date and tell him up front so he isn’t taken aback when you want to end it at the hour mark.

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Trying going out with friends beforehand and go straight to the date. You’re already out so you’re more likely to just switch venue instead of having to go thru showering, getting ready, etc.

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These are all really good tips. Honestly with work from home I do think my biggest hurdle is getting out the door…I just default to chilling with my 🐶 on the couch haha thanks everyone I really appreciate the encouragement! Needed it :)

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OP, best way to date Atleast for 1st dates: Coffee and Walk in the park/nature . Take your dog with you :)

Have you tried taking a baby step and getting them on the phone? Sometimes a conversation can be motivate you to want to meet in person. It’s also a good way to make sure they’re not nuts/murderer/bot.

I usually try a low commitment line like “you seem normal, how about we trade numbers and talk on the phone to see if we like each other and want to meet in person”.

Then I trade numbers. Depending on your comfort level, you can share your real number. I’ve also known people (mostly women) share their dummy number (like Google voice number), for comfort/safety reasons. That may be an easier transition.

Separate from dating apps, and depending on your comfort level with covid, consider going to a social event or special interest activity in person. The Meetup has a lot of activities going on at any given time, and it’s low pressure

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Maybe a mind-frame shift? Your time is too valuable to be spent talking on apps vs meeting in person (esp with busy season on horizon). The exes prepared you for the next experience.

I recommend making yourself prioritize an uncomfortable meet up with the next person you match with who can hold a conversation. Blame it on the product manager from Fishbowl if it goes south.

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Here is how I met my wife off Tinder:

1. I used tinder expressly to meet new people outside my social circle and secure first dates. Remember you're not trying to vet somebody as a soulmate through chatting on a dating app.
2. Don't chit chat for more than 2 or 3 days. Match, chat long enough to make sure they are not a creepy weirdo, and see if they want to get together. If not, unmatch.
3. First dates are always something lowkey and casual. Coffee and tea or drinks at a bar. No dinner, no movies, nothing at the park, no pressure. First date is when you're really meeting somebody. If the coffee or drink date goes well, you can always extend and still hang out with them. If the date goes poorly or is uncomfortable, it's easy to leave because it's in a public place.

Remember! You are just meeting new people. You are not trying to arrange a marriage or something. Lower the bar for yourself.

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Best way to do it is just get out there! It may be hard to break through that wall and get comfortable meeting them, but once you have one or two dates under your belt again, it’ll be better

Yeah, I had this same feeling when I first started dating recently. After pulling the trigger, the first two or so dates I was a nervous wreck 😅 but after that my conversation skills were back to normal and it’s been smooth sailing since! You got this! I’m rooting for you!

Just get out there OP 💃🏻

I always preferred something low key like coffee or dessert for a first meet up.

Location?

Try to think of it as a meeting. It doesn’t have to be a big deal. Heck, for first dates, I prefer coffee. Keep it simple. Low pressure.

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