{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "A big fear of mine lately has me feeling like a terrible human being. My brother in law had a small covid wedding last year, I was so excited to go but had to cancel last minute because I started miscarrying a few days before the wedding, at 5 weeks. I ended up watching the livestream, and miscarried during the wedding, alone at home (I urged my husband to go to the wedding and that I’d be fine, my parents were checking in on me). I haven’t been able to get preg since. (Contd in comments)", "post_id": "60e5c08d6d3cb900210041d8", "reply_count": 14, "vote_count": 2, "bowl_id": "59e88be7e2808e00149b0443", "bowl_name": "Women In Consulting" }

A big fear of mine lately has me feeling like a terrible human being. My brother in law had a small covid wedding last year, I was so excited to go but had to cancel last minute because I started miscarrying a few days before the wedding, at 5 weeks. I ended up watching the livestream, and miscarried during the wedding, alone at home (I urged my husband to go to the wedding and that I’d be fine, my parents were checking in on me). I haven’t been able to get preg since. (Contd in comments)

like
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at

Oh, friend. I’m so sorry for your loss. Are you talking to a therapist about all of these huge, heavy feelings? That may help you process and sit with your grief, and determine your most comfortable path forward (boundaries, sharing or not, etc) with your family in the future ❤️

like

First, you are not a terrible human being. Second, as you've pointed out, you have experienced something very traumatic and unfortunate. I do think therapy is a good way to process your thoughts and feelings and to heal in a healthy way. It'll especially help with coping skills if/when pregnancies are announced through your life. Third, it's obviously up to you, but you may want to tell them what happened. This way they can try to avoid inadvertently causing you pain.

like

Thank you all so much for this, really truly. I think my big takeaway here is that I should seek out therapy… I have a lot to work through. I’ve never sought therapy for anything before, so honestly it hadn’t really occurred to me. But I think all the suggestions above re: therapy are probably right, so thank you, truly. ❤️ And especially because we have a big family gathering coming up in Sept, I think I need to get my emotional house in order beforehand.

like

I would also add, don’t be afraid of asking for what you need and advocate for your own emotional health, that is, asking for space and compassion when they do have happy news. Cobsider sharing just with your brother why you missed traveling to the wedding, and tell him you will be more than thrilled for them when they become parents, but given your grief you’d prefer they say not spring it on you in public, but tell you privately first. I suffer/suffered fertility issues but a close circle of friends knew, so while I always went to their baby showers and put on a brave face, they were kind enough to give me notice and and out, knowing it might be hard.

Focus on what you can control and try to let go of what you can’t. You can eat healthy, walk/exercise regularly, take a good preconception vitamin, and make an appointment with a fertility specialist if the time is right. You can also talk to someone about your loss - whether that be your in laws or a therapist. You cannot control other people’s pregnancy timelines or how they communicate that to you especially if they have no idea what you’re going through. Hang in there! It will happen for you soon.

like

I never told my BIL & SIL what happened with me, because I haven’t had the heart to (I only told them I couldn’t go to their wedding because I had to go to the ER 3 days prior and my Dr. didn’t want me to travel, which was true.) I know my BIL & SIL want to have kids soon, and I’ve been fearing the day when they call to share that they’re pregnant… I’m afraid that I won’t be able to feel happy for them, that instead I’ll just break down and cry and feel bitter. Their wedding was such a traumatic time for me, and I’m afraid I won’t be able to emotionally handle that after all that, while I’m still struggling, she’s been able to move ahead and get pregnant. The irony of all that has literally been my biggest fear lately. I feel like such a terrible human being for feeling that way. Any words of wisdom on this?

like

Op my heart goes out to you. As I read your post, I’m crying because I can’t imagine the pain and hurt you are feeling. I had an ectopic pregnancy almost 2 years ago - and had to remove my tube. I felt so disgusted with myself because i thought I wasn’t a real female anymore. I hated everyone else for being pregnant and I just hated everything. My amazing husband occupied my mind with vacations, getaways, (luckily we were moving - so focused on that), work and just everything else. In short order, I was pregnant and now with a baby. It will come. I am hopeful. Focus on yourself and your happiness. Small trips, get togethers with the gfs, work successes, and just everything that makes you happy. And I can’t wait to receive a private message telling me Youre pregos. And you are most certainly not a terrible human. You are human with emotions and pain. And good for you for noticing what is causing you to feel this way. Others would just have resentment without being able to communicate why. Feel free to private message me and we can chat. My heart goes out to you with so many hugs.

like

This didn't happen to me but I feel like this would apply to so many scenarios. If someone gets the promotion you were waiting for, if you get cancer and others don't, etc. The breaking down part is completely normal, even the bitterness, up to a certain level. Understand that it was absolutely nobody's fault, it was out of everyone's control and you have more opportunities. There is literally nothing you can do right now but look forward... Or seek therapy

like

I am so sorry this happened to you and you must be going through a rough time. In this case I do think you should be honest and open with them and let them know what happened and that you are still grieving your loss. It may make you feel a little better to talk about it, and will help them to understand why you missed their wedding on such short notice, and will also help them to be sensitive to your situation as they work on getting pregnant. I don’t see any clear path going forward if you don’t open up to them. And it does not feel good to keep important things from your family. Better yet, have your husband talk to them and let them know, that way they at least have a heads up. Best wishes!

like

I had similar not same experience. Our wedding and our BILs wedding was exactly one week apart and they got pregnant first while I was fighting infertility. It was challenging as my MIL would check on me every month whether we were able to conceive as my husband is the oldest. We had a miscarriage while they were pregnant and got pregnant again while they delivered. Those 9 months were nightmare and I felt inferior all the time and in fact jealous. I love my niece but it is hard to be able to enjoy someone’s kid while you are struggling . Don’t worry sister you are a good human and your time as mother will come soon.

like

That’s one intrusive MIL. Please tell her or ask your husband to tell her that the pressure and intrusion is not ok, you’ll inform her when it happens :). So sorry OP.

like

It makes sense. And I can’t begin to understand your pain. I highly recommend therapy though, to grieve with support. You’re not terrible, you’re human. And right now, it seems that you are hyper focused on the hypothetical to avoid the heart of the issue. But you will get to a brighter place & you’ll be happy for them if and when it happens.

Therapy ❤️

Related Posts

Question: I withdrew from my 401K during COVID in Nov 2020 because I really needed the money. The penalty was waived bc of Covid. Does anyone know if I can put that money back into my account?

like

Thoughts on Oliver Wyman Healthcare practice? Type of work, WLB, Post-Covid Travel situation, etc. TIA!

like

F 🐠, 31. I’m one of the “ad people” that found this bowl from the Covid bowl. Just getting it out of the way that I realize I’m not a single consultant. Anyway I’m newly single and want to know some Hinge profile tips! What have y’all got?

like

What do y’all think of kids 5-11 getting covid vax ?

like

How much does a S1 in Florida make in a normal year? I know Covid is going to affect things, but I’m just curious how much it’s affecting things.

like

What grade (A-F) would you give your state or district in their covid response?

like

My 4 YO takes riding lessons at a small barn outside of the city. I hopped on a horse there recently for old time's sake, but haven't really ridden in years. A casualty of the legal profession, along with the rest of my hobbies from my former country life. His instructor asked me if I'd be willing to get back in the saddle. Part of me is like, this is the change I need. It will help me lose this COVID-15lbs. But I'm also terrified and I have no idea why. (cont)

like

Controversial take: if we can send young men and women to war...why can’t we have challenge trials for COVID that likely has a lower risk of death and larger positive impact than war

like

Just found out that my SO is going camping this weekend and I am SO EXCITED to have the house all to myself this weekend 😂. Covid has given us wayy too much forced time together 🙈

likefunny

I really hope any stunts capitalizing on Covid will not be allowed to win awards next year...

like

I know there has been similar discussion here recently, but how is WSGR PA Corporate's culture? I've been perusing forums and hear really conflicting accounts with some people saying that it's horrible, while others saying it's good. Also, there was talk on people leaving WSGR en masse to other firms (especially Cooly) and WSGR not being in the best place (although that was pre-covid and I guess things might have changed since then). Is it true that WSGR is/was declining?

like

How many of you think your firm puts billability and clients before you and your family’s safety during covid-19 pandemonium? Is it fair to travel? Be in airports? Put yourself and family at risk?

like

Interviewing with some companies - despite great feedback at interviews, they are all trying to slot me in at an independent contributor level or an level lower than my current. Feeling frustrated - male colleagues are getting lateral positions or a level above current. Need I mention I am also up for promotion at current firm. Has anyone experienced this? Is this bias or just a symptom of the Covid economy?

like

Hi all - I exited into industry during COVID but am missing some of the consulting excitement - I’ve seen a bit about A&M retail group lately and want to learn more (I’d likely be entering at the director level) - anyone care to chat about the firm generally/that group specifically?

like

I wonder what this means for return to office plans.

Post Photo
likefunny

There's some news that researchers at PGI Chandigarh successfully developed & tested COVID-19 💉. Can anyone confirm this? I am unable to find a reliable news article but it is being broadcasted on TV

like

Sometimes it hurts to think about how well I know some airports. What terminals/airports were you frequenting before covid?

like

How are you managing anxiety around COVID-19?

like

Additional Posts

Client has "PNS” as an acronym. Someone says it in a meeting and everybody giggles.

likefunny

Anyone know the comp for Corp dev managers at amazon?

like

A friend of my got Interviewed by Hashedin on Monday. When can he expect reply from HR regarding next step? Please reply

like

For a non-technical PM looking to get more tech experience (and eventually exit) what is best use of time: data science course, web development course, AWS cert.?

like

Fish fam. Can you share tips to manage the pre-interview anxieties? After you have prepped and prepared what are some tips to go in energetic, positive, adaptable and release control over the outcome?

like

MBB Partner, Big 4 Partner, FAANG PM, FAANG SWE, who makes the most?

likefunny

I asked the waitress at my hotel bar what time her shift was ending so we could hang out, and she shut me down. I think she did so because I was wearing my MAGA hat. How many points should I demand?

like

EY fish, i-140 approved but I haven't completed my 180 days yet. Got extension for 3 years (completed 6 years on H1b). Will EY revoke the GC petition if I decide to join EY in my home country?

like

Big 4 Delivery Center Tax Associate vs small firm (200 people) Tax associate. Which one would you choose and why?

like

Any one working from india for a month or less? On H1B. Who should I get approval from if I am planning to do so. Options?

like

Does anyone have experience or thoughts on pursuing Georgia Tech’s OMSCS while at MBB? Thinking of taking one course per semester while working.

like

This question is not gender related, yet I don’t want to be ‘mansplained’ to, hence asking here ;) it’s related to taxable income at Deloitte...

like

I hope most of us can agree on the below as fellow Americans: -Any group wanting to cause harm to people or a specific group of people have no place in our country. -Clearly our country is hurting and needs productive dialogue at the community, state, and national level from both sides. -One side is never right. MSNBC, Fox News, and CNN are also rarely right. -We’re in dire need of empathy and care for one another regardless of political views, race, geographic location, gender, etc.

like

Are others seeing nepotism in candidates during recruiting that is counteracting diversity and inclusion efforts? How are you keeping the motivation to continue fighting for equality? Feeling very discouraged right now.

like

Let's talk MBA's - how valuable are they in the industry for career progress, and is there a point where they become less valuable or noticeable? I've personally never felt motivated to get one as I figured working my career hard would bring success. Now that I've climbed to VP level (and I'm considering a transition from agency to brand side, eventually) I'm wondering if there's a reason to get an MBA or not.

like

Do employers need to do Labor test for the green card process if they employ you as an experienced hire and they initiate day 1 green card applications?

like

Accenture folks in LLP and federal services did you get your bonus what is the average hike in Salary and average bonus percent ?

like

Looking to transfer to the San Diego office next year after busy season. My initial search of industries says that its defense, tech and some smaller pharma companies. How's the office out there...

like

Passed the CIA. 🍾 I'm rolling deep in the letters... CPA, CFE too. What should I do next?

like

PwC 1 here Re: Friday intern debauchery Bringing this back to the top for RSVP purposes. Looking at Craft for around 6:30 on Friday though reservations are looking challenging. That said, I’d like to think I’m a fish of my word so come hell or high water, our intern is getting their drinks 😤

like

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
Download Fishbowl to see what others are saying
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the Fishbowl app

Get realtime notifications and see
what's happening in your industry
from the palm of your hand.

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or

General

Legal