{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "“A child really isn’ that expensive in the first 3-4 years” ~ Spouse 7 months ago. Our bank account after 7 months of pregnancy says otherwise. I’m excited to be a father and I want to be a good father, but there is zero chance this child is going to remember or even care what decorations we chose for the nursery. Advice on picking battles over expenditures for a future child?", "post_id": "6035118ba5cb620020d4c529", "reply_count": 39, "vote_count": 10, "bowl_id": "5e6fe1c31f5e51001d267e46", "bowl_name": "Coronavirus Work-life" }

“A child really isn’ that expensive in the first 3-4 years” ~ Spouse 7 months ago. Our bank account after 7 months of pregnancy says otherwise. I’m excited to be a father and I want to be a good father, but there is zero chance this child is going to remember or even care what decorations we chose for the nursery. Advice on picking battles over expenditures for a future child?

likefunny
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at
Highlighted IconHIGHLIGHTED

What do you mean by decor? Furniture stuff is pretty important to be good quality IMHO. Your spouse will be spending a considerable amount of time in the nursery and a good, comfortable chair is necessary. Crib - when teething one of my kids chewed his crib. The other never did! But material is important. How long do you want the furniture to last? Our income has gone up so the items we bought got of better quality. My son is older and we spent what felt like a lot but it was cheaper and after 6 years it’s not holding up well (crib into toddler bed into full). My daughter is younger and we got expensive things for her. Like outrageous I thought... ....but we’ve learned repeatedly that quality matters. Fit within your budget and consider this will be her new room. And when it comes to clothing and bedding. Blow outs and spit up are common. You want things easy to clean with non-toxic chemicals. Potential for multiple clothing and bedding changes each day and how often will you do laundry? Toys - most never get played with. We have a dedicated play room to keep stuff out of the kids rooms. It helps. And we rotate stuff out. Baby might be in your room at night for the first few months. So important to have places for the baby in the rooms they’ll be in.

Agreed. Those nursing rockers are great. SO comfortable. Will help you BOTH fall asleep at 2AM when the baby wakes up.

We were able to save costs on decorating by painting a mural in each kids' room. It's more personal and the only cost is the paint. As an added bonus, if you paint with a theme then you end up not being able to buy that many other decorations because they'd clash. My partner and I are not artists by any means, but we were able to pull off pretty cute nurseries and have gotten a ton of complements since it's more unique than most. Daughter has watercolors clouds and stenciled birds and butterflies. Then a couple pictures on the walls that go with that theme (and cover up the spots where we messed up the painting). Son has a forest theme going on, with stenciled trees with multicolor leaves. Also with some birds and bugs stenciled and painted. Then a couple cheapo cute wood animal carving things on his walls.

like
Recent IconRecent

I forfeited any high ground in this argument the moment I bought my unborn son infant Jordan 4s...

likefunny

If you are paying for daycare, the thought they aren’t expensive under 5 is insane. Easily the most expensive period until paying for college.

like

Yup!!! My parents said the same about me and that was the 90s . Daycare was actually MORE expensive then my public college tuition .

like

Is it really all decorations that is bothering you? Like purely for looks and no function? My husband thought a lot of things I picked out during pregnancy were frivolous or silly. Then we had the baby and he was like ‘ohhhh, I get why we needed 50 burp cloths and multiple changes of sheets and outfits, etc’. Babies are expensive. They need a lot of things in early life and they grow/change rapidly and their needs change quickly, too. Nesting is also a thing for pregnant moms. Many of us want to have things set up/decorated *just right. It’s not an excuse to blow your budget, but a bare bones room might not feel right to mom.

like

Thanks!!

Try save up a bit more for the 15k hospital bills 😅

like

$15k? Omfg great. Awesome

like

The money you spend on nursery decorations is much less than the money you'll spend on alimony, child support, attorneys fees, therapy, etc should you decide to make a big deal of this 😉

likefunny

Be honest with your spouse about your concerns for the finances, especially for decorations. Don’t accuse them of going overboard, just say you’re seeing how much this is costing and you’re starting to feel uncomfortable with the amounts spent. If your spouse is the one who is pregnant, tread lightly, hormones are no joke, and she is probably well into the “nesting” phase where she wants to make everything nice and cozy for baby. You can also bring up other future costs - daycare is big immediate one, but also saving for college, clothing budget, new baby gadgets (you’ll spend tons of money on stuff in the first few weeks trying to help baby sleep), etc. Be open and honest, but also be open and honest to your spouse too. Maybe aim to agree together on purchases over a certain dollar amount?

helpfullike

Do you think the wall decoration is for the baby?

likefunny

Ain’t nothing better to spend your Money on.

likeuplifting

Also ask yourself, what would my child appreciate more, the 100th teddy bear, or that same money put in account for his/her future use. Another option, parents not being as stressed over finances.

like

This is how my sister and I feel so instead of giving each other’s sons more toys for Christmas and birthdays, we give them money for their bank accounts (4 yr and 2yr olds)... def a time and a place to give money!

It’s not worth the battle. Costs to decorate the nursery will pale in comparison to daycare costs in a year or so. Enjoy this phase, get excited and then laugh about it when you redecorate the room in a couple years because anything that isn’t construction truck or Frozen themed is unacceptable. Congratulations!

like

Father of 2 here (3 and 6yr olds). Just try to enjoy the process. It’s a huge deal for her so be as supportive as possible. Also it’s impossible to know what to expect with your first child so it’s common to go wild on all the things for the baby. Good news is if you have a second child you can reuse almost everything. Consider it a verrrrrry long term investment.

like

Yes - absolutely. I think I have more kids reuse totes than Christmas decorations totes!

It's likely your spouse is shopping for excitement. With the first child, it's common for people to splurge a bit to have everything feel "right." Have a conversation about budgeting for decor, toys, learning, etc. so you're both on the same page.

like

Strap yourself in. The ride has only begun. Congratulations. Best job you’ll ever have.

like

A child is most expense at its early years and later years of teen. Hospital and doctors bills, formula, diaper, furniture, clothing as they grow too fast. Then it moves to car, food especially for male athletes, college, etc.

like

Sounds like you need For Richer, Not Poorer, the Money Book for Couples by Ruth Hayden. It will help

like

when you chose your significant other you already picked and lost that battle.

funny

Lol. Every comment in here is “talk to your spouse.”

The cost will average down when number two and three arrive.

Related Posts

I'm through to last round of an extremely cool job opp. Salary at best will be lateral but title bump and extremely cool set of responsibilities. However will only likely start in Jan due to needing to wait for bonus and security clearance check. Have baby coming end of may. Per my understanding this means I won't even get statutory pay? What should I do? Or should I just view this as missing 2 weeks of £150 (ie unpaid leave) and whatever paid paternity leave benefit org has (likely 2 weeks)

like

Been 2 weeks and I am tired of pumping. I only pump like 20-30 per session and 5x a time but each time it takes almost 1h from start to finish (lube the flange, gather the equipment, find a spot, find my water/food, pump, clean up and put stuff away) and I am not even washing them (hubby is doing that). What did you do to make it more efficient? Also I can't seem to figure my flange fitting. I follow the guidelines and the suggested one is more uncomfortable than a large size. Help.

like

I am getting ready to send my 2 year old toddler to a toddler program next week for the first time. Have to fill out a form “bathroom waiver”, which is basically allowing teachers at the school to clean my child after a potty, including genital area. I feel uneasy about this but I know I have to let them… I assume all parents have signed such waiver?

Has anyone had/seen a real, healthy human baby that used to be a frozen egg? Trying to figure out how legit egg freezing is

like

3 months pregnant. So far I’ve had two ultrasounds at visits. I’ll be 4 months at next visit and yeah I guess I go every month for a visit. Question, do you get an ultrasound done at every visit? Maybe not required but can I ask for it?..

like

I am joining a new firm and I want to see if my dependent parent can be added to my health insurance. Do I ask when going through the package with the recruiter or after I join?

likeuplifting

Hi there! I have a remote, freelance, part time position for a project manager at one of our brands - this is at least a 3 month gig with the option for it to go much longer term if there’s interest on both sides. Between 20-25 hrs a week, great for a parent or someone that wants to re-enter the workforce. To apply:

like

Why exactly is the lateral market so hot? More deals going on? People leaving big law completely? More people taking parental leave? A mix of these things?

like

I am hoping some people can help me here. My SO is in this horrible pit of depression and they are pushing me away. They have all these colliding events in the last few months: father has Alzheimer’s.

Do any other firms have a policy that requires you to return to work for a certain period after paid parental leave, and if you choose to leave you are required to pay it back? If so, is there anyone who decided to leave before the end of that period? What happens if you can’t afford to pay it back?

helpfullike

Bf’s sister is pregnant. Obviously happy for him, but can’t help feel sad that their family will probably not be happy when my time comes. They’re bigots and they hate me. Thinking of breaking up but I’m torn

like

Is there a way to find out the gender of the baby if I am still in my early 1st trimester? Like heart beat, my reaction to food, haha... an impatient mom...

Just ruined Mother's Day weekend with somehow getting on topic of family issues. Congratulations to me! No coming back from this 🍾🍾🍾

like

What’s it’s like to work at Mother in ny ?

like

I'm thinking about getting pregnant just so I can take advantage of maternity leave. Does that make me a terrible person?

like

Has anyone filed a NIE and got it approved for their parents? I just had a baby and my parents are in India .. had to cancel their trip due to the travel ban

like

Any recs for office chair within $100 range? Asking for a baby sister who’s a broke college student. Doesnt have to b fancy/super fancy but something that r of decent quality… i know its a stretch to ask for this budget🤣

like

Does anyone have experience with a son having phimosis? Would you be willing to share what you did for your child—comment or DM?

like

Hey moms, How do contractions really feel? FTM and I’m starting to feel a little pain in the lower part of my belly. Given I usually have a high tolerance for pain(after a ton of sports injuries) not sure what is true labor/contraction pain. Trying to avoid a car baby or a lobby baby😅 P.S: I don’t have a lot of pain during my period (which is what my mum keeps saying it’ll feel like). So unfortunately that reference hasn’t helped! Any advice helps!!

like

Hill Holliday in Boston laid off a bunch of people and so far, by my count, it's 13 women 3 men. 4 working moms. 1 woman 6 months pregnant. And most of the creative layoffs were women??

likehelpful

Additional Posts

Wanting to apply for a role at LinkedIn, but noticed it asks if you are a Deloitte employee. Are they going to ask Deloitte for information or alert them in any way that I’m applying elsewhere?

likehelpful

Friend of mine was coaching me on an upcoming Amazon interview. “They’ll be looking for any reason not to hire you.” I’m frankly not sure I’d want to work somewhere that thinks like that.

like

Anyone else watched the Flight Attendant on HBO and recognized that the airline Cassie works for is based off of British Airways judging from that super crappy 2-4-2 business class?

like

Can someone explain the hybrid model? I realize things could change but what does the hybrid method look like for an average month between wfh/office/client?

like

Hi Fishes, Needed your help to understand the avg. salary for Assistant Manager - 1/ Senior Consultant role within Deloitte UK (London Office) Practice - Advisory YoE - 3 yrs Domain - IT Audit Also, what is a comfortable amount to survive within London, single person.

like

MBB Partner, Big 4 Partner, FAANG PM, FAANG SWE, who makes the most?

likefunny

Anyone at Bain willing to provide a referral for a position I am interested in applying for?Bain & Company

like

Which is better if want to switch off to MBB: KPMG Strat v Accenture Management consulting?

like

What’s the most wild story you’ve been given as to why an employee can’t get the vaccine / wear a mask per your company guidelines?

like

If you wouldn't voluntarily spend a Sunday afternoon doing it, it's not your passion. Was chatting with a developer today saying I didn't want them to stay late tonight working on this Jira ticket right before a holiday weekend and they responded "why? This is what I do for fun!" Regardless of what time they log off today, that is what passion for what you do looks like. 🥳

like

Hoping to get some input on exit paths from tax. I’ve been at a small local firm for 2.5 years, got my CPA license this year, expecting promotion to senior after evaluations in December. ​ Overall I’m pretty happy where I’m at now, the company has a good culture and no one works crazy hours. But I don’t plan to stay in public accounting for my entire career and have heard that the year after senior promotion is a good time to make a change. I’m concerned that

like

It’s my fifth month in a new team (lateral transfer from another team where I was an analyst for 18 months). I just learned I didn’t make the cut for promotion (case put forward and rejected, I am told, due to cap on total promotions). However, I’m thinking of applying for associate roles in the area I’m in right now (I love the work I do), at other firms. Would it be a red flag if you saw such a candidate’s resume? I.e. someone willing to jump ship in a few months? I just truly believe that I

like

Has anyone at the executive level negotiated termination provision or a guaranteed severance? (Ie 4-6 months plus placement) Independent or holding co?

like

Great news! Marriott Extends Status through February 2023.

Post Photo
like

McK fish, its been almost 2 months since my BA application and 1 month since my referral was put in, I haven’t heard anything regarding my candidacy yet. Do any of you know what may be happening or what I can do ? I am an analyst at Big 4 trying to lateral in I also applied to a diff role few weeks ago at McK and was rejected from that within a couple weeks.

like

I’m an S1 and got an offer for an in-house VC fund accountant position. I have a background in both partnership and corporate tax, but have more partnership experience. Don’t know if should pursue this since I heard fund accounting can pigeonhole but I like the stability and bonus potential. Any thoughts?

like

I'm through to last round of an extremely cool job opp. Salary at best will be lateral but title bump and extremely cool set of responsibilities. However will only likely start in Jan due to needing to wait for bonus and security clearance check. Have baby coming end of may. Per my understanding this means I won't even get statutory pay? What should I do? Or should I just view this as missing 2 weeks of £150 (ie unpaid leave) and whatever paid paternity leave benefit org has (likely 2 weeks)

like

Is there a skype status for “Don’t talk to me"

like

For those roles in non strategy such as risk or implementation, does any of the mbb recruit out of non targets? I'm a master's student in business analytics in a non target in NYC, and I really am interested in an implementation/ risk consulting at MBB. ( Different from big 4 risk)

like

I'm on vacation, completely removed for the daily hustle; enjoying my time off. My wife called with an urgent request: she needs help with a deck that's due on Friday.

like

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
Download Fishbowl to see what others are saying
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the Fishbowl app

Get realtime notifications and see
what's happening in your industry
from the palm of your hand.

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or

General

Legal