{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "A friend of mine is worth $20M because of RSUs he got in a startup. I have been feeling really jealous of his accomplishments; the fact that he can retire any day now, have as many kids as he wants, and his $$$ home. This has made me depressed and resent him. Does anyone have any tips for me to overcome the jealousy?", "post_id": "625dc9326ecf87002b81e224", "reply_count": 72, "vote_count": 19, "bowl_id": "552d1d24dc1c586b09d2d051", "bowl_name": "Consulting", "feed_type": "crowd" }
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A friend of mine is worth $20M because of RSUs he got in a startup. I have been feeling really jealous of his accomplishments; the fact that he can retire any day now, have as many kids as he wants, and his $$$ home. This has made me depressed and resent him. Does anyone have any tips for me to overcome the jealousy?

likefunnyhelpful
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Don’t resent success, try to figure out how to emulate it. I’m sure your friend could have just as easily taken that job and the start up could have flopped… he took a risk, and it paid off in spades… are you complacent, do you just punch the clock, or are you putting yourself out there and seeking opportunities? Life is too short to dwell in jealousy… figure out what really matters to you and chase it. You my never have 20 million bucks… most of us won’t… but you can still be happy, and you can still be happy for your friend

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See a therapist. Your friend may have the same resentment/jealousy with someone worth $100M.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

likeupliftingsmarthelpfulfunny

Thank you!! Yes I am seeing a therapist now as this has been bothering me for a while

likesmart

It’s pure luck. He did well by being skilled at the right time, but it’s similar to winning the lotto. Btw, the fact that we are in our jobs means we also won the lotto by being born in the right place

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So true. I need to be more grateful for that I have

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Marry him so you get half

likefunnyuplifting

Loll

Remember that success is not completely deserved and that the failures of others is not completely deserved either -John Roberts

He got lucky. Do you resent people who win the lottery? Lot of it is just luck

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I’d look inward as well to figure out what’s driving the resentment. Do you think you’re smarter, better, harder working than your friend? Do you feel your friend doesn’t deserve it? Also, consider speaking to a therapist. If this is a true friend, this should be a moment of celebration / joy.

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You all get me! Thanks for the support!!

You could be in Ukraine or Russia or the Middle East right now.
Get over it.

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Why would I be in Ukraine or the Middle East right now?

This is ridiculous. Your friends success doesn’t take away anything from you. It has zero impact on your life. Try being happy for your friend and enjoy your own successes. Remember when you made a fraction of what you do now and be grateful for your lucky breaks too.

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Yes I definitely got lucky too multiple times in my life, of course nothing like him. I need to practice being grateful. Thanks for your reply

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I was advised to compete with myself. I need to compare myself to something, someone as that competitiveness is partly a driver of my progress in life and career. Once I started to compete with my old self of a year or two prior I can tell you nobody else matters.

likesmart

Thanks!

One thing you can do is avoid this site. There are so many posters on here that obsess about salary and wealth. If you are pre-disposed to it, it will just feed your jealousy and resentment.

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Why does what he have matter? There will always be someone richer, happier, healthier. You can't live in a state of perpetual comparison.

Live YOUR life.

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True! And I see that this also holds true for these extreme comparisons of “but there is a kid in Africa who…” just to make someone invalidate their emotions… it’s not like you can ignore it if half your finger gets cut out just because someone else had half their arm cut out.

I know someone who made >$10M via RSUs, and they’re the first to admit 90% of it was dumb luck. So many things out of their control had to happen in order for the stars to perfectly align. Don’t put your worth against theirs and their luck.
There will always be those who make more, and those who make more than your buddy. No reason to waste energy worrying about them.

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Your friend took a risk that paid off.

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My kids really wanted a giant trampoline. New neighbors moved in with a giant trampoline. My kids were sooo jealous. Now my kids have new good friends who let them use their trampoline.

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That actually works. I wanted to go to a yacht party. And the universe introduced two millionaires and a billionaire to my life. The 3 of them with yachts 🛥

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Try being more grateful for everything you have and use this success as a motivation for you to work harder not to feel bad. Everyone can be lucky once but they cannot be smart everyday.

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Amen. Half my circle has made it big through joining companies that then took off. But not us and its very frustrating. The ones we joined ran into some snag or the other (think Uber) and so here we are, still poor for the Bay.

likeuplifting

So you understand how I might be feeling. I don’t even live in the Bay Area, how do you deal with it

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I still remember when I used to pray for the things I have today

Alhamdulilah

likeuplifting

What do you pray for now?

Hold his cat hostage demand $5M ransom

funnylike

Haha

Relationship-wise, unless he becomes a jerk your friendship doesn’t need to change. You just might be hanging out at a cooler house.

If you’re unhappy at your job, ask him for tips on how to break into startups and choose a winner. Some people just get flat out lucky, right place right time. Most people don’t get that lucky, so just try to live life so that you’re happy—whether or not you happen on a big windfall.

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Are you a man? If so, follow the words of Jay-Z in this situation:

“Males shouldn’t be jealous. That’s a female trait.”

Half joking but on a serious note, be happy and supportive of your friend. Also remember to count your own blessings because you’re probably doing better than a lot of people across the world. Comparison really is the thief of joy.

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Lol Thank you for your wise words

Corny but, happiness can only come from within. Appreciate what you’ve got otherwise you’ll drive yourself crazy with these comparisons. Someone will always have more, accept that fact and your life becomes a lot easier.

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