{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "A girl I went to college with married her thesis advisor. I’m torn between feeling jealous that she got married and I can’t even get a guy to text me back and grossed out that this professor groomed her while we were students", "post_id": "6105fa03028aaa001de58af8", "reply_count": 41, "vote_count": 6, "bowl_id": "5e8656b80bdab1002a7355dc", "bowl_name": "Confession " }

A girl I went to college with married her thesis advisor. I’m torn between feeling jealous that she got married and I can’t even get a guy to text me back and grossed out that this professor groomed her while we were students

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My parents did this, they're still very very much in love 30+ years later. It's not grooming when it's consenting adults. Don't make sweeping generalizations, makes you look jealous and makes other people feel awkward.

likefunny

DM me too please!

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I always found the “grooming” thing a weird take when we’re talking about adults. Like, she was a grad student- it’s not grooming, it’s flirting? And likely no coercion involved if they got married. Maybe it’s just because I can’t think of a single professor I held in awe enough to be “groomed” by them.

likesmartfunny

It actually doesn’t say grad school and OP said many times in the comments it was an undergrad thesis and she was 18 when it started. The only mention of grad school was that this man was the gatekeeper to the girl getting in which goes back to the whole man in a position of power grooming a barely legal student

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Mind your own business?

likefunny

I think I the issue is that there is a fiduciary relationship created when there is a student and professor no matter how old the people are. As a former teacher I don’t care how old the student is, I have a responsibility over them and a power dynamic that is way imbalanced and is way inappropriate regardless of the age to be involved romantically in any way. Given how I felt about my students when I was a teacher (like a parent or guardian) it personally really grosses me out to see student teacher relationships regardless of age but I understand that’s not true for everyone if both parties are adults.

likesmart

Honestly I think you way overestimate the level of influence you have over your students

Why would you be jealous? Sounds like a creepy situation.

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Is it possible they didn't get involved until after she graduated?

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Yikes. More years than her age when they met 🤮

Isn’t grooming just involving a child?

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I can sympathize if it makes you uncomfortable but I just don’t think grooming is the correct terminology. Grooming is the definition you put and I don’t see how this situation fits that if they are getting married. Even more so that you don’t know their relationship dynamics. They met when she was 18, but did they reconnect at a later time? Was the relationship from the beginning? I’m so tired of the word “grooming” getting thrown around and defining relationships between a young person and an older person when we don’t even know the situation

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(I don’t know this girl personally. I’m just friends with her on Facebook)

It’s not even someone you really know. Don’t waste time on how she lives her life.

likefunny

Also same re: professors. I just can’t get over the fact that this man graduated from college with my parents

I didn’t read this before? So he’s like 20 years older than you? Like you will be 40 and he will be 60? This is nothing to be jealous over. Do better

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How do you groom an adult unless she is mentally handicapped? Was this special college?

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