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Rising Star
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Happy New Year Fam ☪️💚
Anyone have a recommended tax person in Chicago?
Additional Posts in Depression/Anxiety Talk
Rising Star
Rising Star
1444
Happy New Year Fam ☪️💚
Anyone have a recommended tax person in Chicago?
Rising Star
He clearly needs therapy. You’re not in the wrong. Take some deep breaths, stand your ground and document what just happened. Confide in a coach to see what steps you should take in a situation like this. No “mistake” warrants this sort of mistreatment. This is not normal. Wishing you luck.
Maybe follow up with an email to the partner saying something like per our call earlier, her is the information we discussed and then would outline and document the events/screenshot etc that showed the progression of the file. Stick to facts. Capture something like “I realize this made you angry/upset/etc” however xyz is what happened and I can work with the team or abc and ensure they understand not to do this again....stay calm and professional and this way you have it all documented what really happened with the work situation.
I called my friend in HR at my firm to get his “off the record” advice. He said I’d have to file an official grievance, in which I would be interviewed, the partner who yelled at me would be interviewed, and our colleagues would be interviewed. I asked him if it was a stressful process and his honest answer was ‘yes.’ The system is broken. In theory I want to fight this and stand up for myself and what is right - but in actuality, I am not capable of taking on this battle right now. My mental health has been really bad since April. It may be time for me to take a leave of absence to work on getting better.
These are all great ideas. Thank you guys so much. You have helped me to feel a little bit less sad and alone.
I did find the paper trail and showed him...it was a bad file that was saved to a client’s Team’s site - I hadn’t touched it and sent and screenshot of the history. He swore he saw my name - “are you calling me a liar?? Are you calling me a liar??” Then I offered to help audit the files so it doesn’t happen again, and he hung up on me.
I’m devastated but afraid to go to HR because he’s in “my world” - our paths will continue to cross beyond this project. I’m scared of retaliation and being blacklisted - he has more power than me. I’m also afraid of having to “state my case” to HR, and having it be a he said, she said confrontation - I can’t handle it emotionally due to my anxiety issues - and I know HR is ultimately only there to protect the company. Please tell me what to do. I am stuck in a dark place.
I would definitely raise my hand in a situation like this. I can say that if a partner is treating you this way, it’s almost guaranteed that there are others that have been treated this way before you and if you chose to do nothing, there will likely be others treated this way after you. Instead of raising it as a complaint to HR, I would document the issue objectively (simply state the facts, remove any feelings/emotions) so you can refer back to it. I would then set a time to discuss with the line of service or market team leader (maybe even the office managing partner) first, letting them know you are escalating this up for awareness purposes and make it VERY CLEAR that you felt his actions crossed the line. You should be sure to make sure to frame it as “raising awareness and asking for advice/feedback on next steps since this type of unprofessional conduct may impact other members on the team who haven’t come forward and you are concerned that it will continue to happen unless someone addresses it directly with the partner.”
After stating the facts of the situation (try not to go in to too much detail unless they ask) and letting them know you feel he crossed the line, gauge their reaction and continue by asking them what can be done to prevent this type of situation in the future. I just had this happen with a director who the firm ended up hiring a coach for leadership development. I was scared for many months to report these inappropriate behaviors and unprofessional interactions and finally one day, someone else in another line of service did escalate it up and it came back to bite me as the partner asked why I never spoke up and said something sooner. Hopefully you feel a little relieved getting it off your chest and you are able to make a game plan!
I’m so sorry this happened. Try to take deep breaths and calm down. What kind of mistake is this? Anyway you can find a paper trail to it’s source?
OP I think everyone here has given great advice. I just want to share my experience. This was when I was a manager and was working with a director who was just a big bully. He would regularly say sarcastic stuff to undermine everyone and generally try to get his way for everything by arguing so crazy that he would simply tire me out. He was bad for my anxiety and depression in every which way. I couldn’t take it anymore after a month. I spoke to the partner, who then asked me to talk to HR. Guess what, he was a bully to everyone and HR has already heard complaints about him. He was warned, and I was told I don’t have to work with him anymore if I didn’t want to. Apparently he continued this behavior with others and he was asked to leave.
I don’t know how long you have been working with this partner. If this is exception or general occurrence (not acceptable either way, but may inform how you proceed). I like the idea of first emailing him that his behavior was not acceptable. And then decide if you want to escalate. I would say in addition to talking to HR, find other partners who know you well and talk to them too. Ultimately because it’s a partner, you will need all the support you can get to ensure he doesn’t retaliate.
OP, also let us know how it goes. We must change our cultures, and partners like this need professional help.
I would say "Don't speak to me that way. If you want, we can settle this outside."
Hey everyone, thank you for all your advice. I ended up not going to HR - I asked another partner who knows both me and the bullying partner for advice. The nice partner took it upon himself to help and has called the bullying partner 4 times over the past couple of days. You won’t believe this, but the bullying partner keeps blowing up at the nice partner and refuses to reason - he insists that he was completely right to scream at me - it’s his preferred management style! Unbelievable. Clearly, he can’t be changed.
I’m wondering if I should ask to be released to the bench, where the grass may not be greener since my practice isn’t doing well right now...I could get put on some random project. On the other hand, if I stay on this project, my practice still has control of me and I can bide my time until something better comes along...and until the next major blow out happens.
The nice partner has an ethical and legal obligation to notify HR about the incident. At Deloitte that obligation is not optional.
I would have answered his question with the same question he posed to me.....
You can't control his behavior...but you can control yours. Document and stay out of his path as much as possible.
My manager pulled something like this in November, in front of the whole floor. I called HR. An exec director now sits in on every meeting I have with her.
Start looking for a new job
My specialization is hospitality and aviation - not ideal timing.