An individual who I had an emotional/physical relationship with (and was instrumental to my personal and professional growth) had surgery complications recently and has fallen severely ill.

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I’m not sure you need to “approach” this in a calculated way at all. It’s only natural to check up on the health of a friend who’s sick, even if said friend was a previous romantic interest. Not sure how your SO could take offense at that, and if s/he would be uncomfortable there are deeper insecurity issues to work through.

I would just tell your SO that this person is sick and as a decent friend, you want to check in on them and keep in touch. There are no hidden intentions other than being a decent human being

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@OP- so this sounds like the MAIN reason why you want to reconnect. To get closure for yourself in case your former friend/lover dies.

In that case, I would suggest sending him a get well card expressing your best wishes, BUT DO NOT try to get emotional answers out of your sick ex. It’s better for him to focus on his recovery, as opposed to your emotional needs right now.

Sometimes in life, you just don’t get closure. And it sounds like you were okay with this, prior to your ex’s potential mortality. So don’t put your ex or your current partner through this emotional mess at this time.

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I have limited contact with individual since my SO (and LOML 💓) feels natural hesitation toward a close friendship with previous romantic interest. It was not entirely ethical either so I understand the distrust and wish for us to not be close.

Still - I am upset to hear about the individual's health. I want to send a card as condolences and be kept in the loop of the recovery process.


How should I approach with my SO? Honesty is important of course, but how to navigate this conversation?

It’s hard so say definitively without more context (what do you mean by it wasn’t entirely “ethical”?) but given the small size of the gay community and your important history with this person, my intuition is that your SO may be a touch too harsh, and that you should be allowed to be in touch with a close friend of yours.

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