{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "A surprising thing I've learned in reaching out to my network for freelance is just how unfriendly my work-friends get once we're not working together. Am I alone in feeling like I'm being shunned when my messages go unanswered, or answered days later with a half-hearted \"I'll ask around\" and then crickets? For all the hate at recruiters for ghosting, it hurts hella more when people you bled with in the trenches do it. Let me hear you if you've felt that, and if you've done it, tell me why?", "post_id": "5f10102500db7b001a6cd254", "reply_count": 32, "vote_count": 19, "bowl_id": "5908c9d5f735ee00105b9fa4", "bowl_name": "WFH Freelancers", "feed_type": "bowl" }

A surprising thing I've learned in reaching out to my network for freelance is just how unfriendly my work-friends get once we're not working together. Am I alone in feeling like I'm being shunned when my messages go unanswered, or answered days later with a half-hearted "I'll ask around" and then crickets? For all the hate at recruiters for ghosting, it hurts hella more when people you bled with in the trenches do it. Let me hear you if you've felt that, and if you've done it, tell me why?

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I use to be sensitive about this stuff. Took it personally. With time I’ve learned no one gives a shit about anyone but themselves. People are nice to you bc they work with you and depend on you to do your job well. Once you’re out of their team/working circle, it’s crickets until they need you again. Having said that, some of my best friends come from the industry. Be a nice person and take nothing personally. It’s not about you

likesmart

I had an old CD reach out to me a couple of years ago looking for some help networking. He had been laid off and was now freelancing. I hadn’t spoken to him in nearly a decade and though I couldn’t really help him, I knew what it was like to suddenly find yourself out the street so I offered him as much advise as I could in the email. He was very gracious in his reply but I didn’t hear from him again after that. He reached back out 2 years later and apparently never forgot that I helped him. He was now working as a GCD and brought me in for an 11 month permalance gig at close to my normal day rate... Always help others. You never know where it might lead.

likeuplifting

“You never know who you meet on your way up that you’ll meet on your way down.”

likeuplifting
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Once you’re out of the company, no one cares about you. Period.

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Truth

You will find out the difference between work friends and real friends, sad to say. And it will be revealed who the really good people are.

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I’ve rarely felt friendliness from staffers. There’s usually a weird competition, like I’m coming for their job, or trying to take away the good assignments. And you’re typically referred to as “the freelancer”

likesmart

@CD1 Congrats on the extended gigs. You are living the good life. 🥦

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Most people are more friendly when they need or want something from you. Fact of life.When you need/ask something from them...crickets.

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As someone who’s mostly been freelance for the last ten years, I feel this so hard. People are generally pretty awful, even the ones you like.

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OK, so we've commiserated about it, but is there anything we can DO about it? How about everyone reading this do something proactive, and get in touch with someone you were good office buddies with, and see how they're doing? If you're a creative and hate it when recruiters ghost, let's show them how to do it right; you don't have to give anyone work if you don't have it, but you can let them know you care, that your friendship wasn't just one of convenience. Let's do some good karma. Post below and let us know how it goes.

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To quote from a wonderful play called Blown Sideways Through Life about the protagonist’s many bizarre jobs: “Work friendships are real. It’s just that they’re site-specific.”

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I’ve found that people with whom I’ve worked pretty closely can be really uncomfortable offering help, and this was pre virus. Some of the most helpful people out there are more distant or indirect connections. People with less ‘familiarity’ who’ve admired you from afar. Getting help involves vulnerability and a good bit of painful rejection. But help is out there. It just takes a few folks to make all the difference.

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That's a great insight. Why is it that despite the popular culture notion that your friends are there 'til the end that's really only true of a tiny percentage of people who look and act like friends but that discomfort with helping out kicks in when they're not "close" friends, kind of like telling someone their fly is open; you have to know them very well or not at all otherwise it's too embarrassing.

Everyone is feeling the burn, dude. Try not to take it personally. Frankly I’m busier than ever and I try to help as much as I can but with all the stuff on plate both personally and work wise, I simply forget! Something I’ve noticed as a freelancer is people want to help but 1. They don’t have anything / context for why they might not think you will be right for the role but it’s take bunch of time to explain that (see above note about time) 2. You’re not as tight as you think.

likehelpful

Yep. Not sure what the story is, they fawn over you when you’re delivering but as soon as you ask for 5 min of their time after.. 👻

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This is really not a nice industry. It’s full of talentless blowhards who BS’d and bullied their way to the top. We who have been in it for years tend to forget that. My wife, who recently went into advertising after many years in another industry, remarked on how much meaner ad people are. (And she’s a very well-liked person)

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Definitely felt it. Before when a freelance friend would hit me up I’d walk down to staffing and put a word in directly. Now, I’d bet everyone’s avoiding them like the plague.

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Can you explain part 2?

Staffers never see freelancers as part of the team, if they can’t get something from you, then they ignore you. Know that, and you won’t feel slighted. It’s not really personal.

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This illuminates one of the golden rules of business: The amount of help you are offered is inversely proportion to the help you need. Altruism in business has always been about self help.

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I’ve definitely found this to be true. In fact it got me thinking “oh yeah, I’ve totally done this to people.” It’s making me want to make sure I always reply back to everyone in the future.

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That what happens lots of “work friends” are that just acquaintances not really friends I know from exprience, but its true. Of course there is people that are really your friends but normally you can count the in one hand...

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I should clarify that I'm talking about "friends" I used to work full-time with as staffers who I reach out to now looking for freelance. These are people I've worked with for a few years at least.

It’s competitive out here, they’re in survival mode wondering about themselves. So out of sight, out of mind w/relationships usually. Or they were never really friends, and fake. ‘Friends’ only because they had to be a team player at work. See that a lot. Fake people.

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How can help OP? Are you in NYC?

Just saw this now (Fishbowl didn’t alert me). Will do and good luck.

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