Advice on being there for a partner that has mild depression? /maintain a healthy relationship? I want to be there for my bf and I try my best to support him but it can be really hard on me too

like
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at

Him being sad makes me sad too. I feel helpless sometimes. walking on eggshells whenever he’s sad

likehelpfulfunny

I recommend couples therapy. He needs to learn the vocabulary to tell you what’s happening in his mind and what he needs from you. Otherwise he’s asking you to be a mindreader ... and that’s a one way ticket to feeling crazy and alone.

like

Depression is tyrannical. Just know it’s definitely unrelated to you, but at a certain (breaking) point, that doesn’t matter.

like

As someone whose last serious relationship ended because of issues related to this, I think it takes a lot of communication and mutual understanding (I was the one with depression).

Knowing that you can't fix the depression and him not thinking you can is important. Have a discussion on how best you can support when those feelings/bouts are at their worst. Maybe it's just sitting in silence while cuddling, maybe it's distraction or pushing for a walk in nature, maybe it's alone time, etc.

I took a lot out on my significant other and it affected them more than I knew but they also didn't tell me this until after we broke up. I think had we talked more openly about how we were both feeling and what we both needed from one another, things could have been different.

likehelpful

OP, that can be tough. The sucky part of depression is that it can also just come over you for no rhyme or reason. Nothing may have "caused" it or triggered it. It can make it hard to put into words why you feel sad when really you have no idea! Your BF may feel this way - maybe you could try asking what it feels like instead of why he is sad? It could be easier to open up about what it feels like vs why.
If he is not willing to open up, I think all you can do acknowledge that he is sad, let him know you are there, and support him with whatever ways that are identified.
Depression can take a toll on the other person because of feelings of being pushed away or relied on, or frustration in not being able to make it better. Make sure you take care of you too and discuss your own feelings with your BF.

like

You’ll need to find a healthy balance of being able to support your partner in whatever capacity they feel they need while protecting your own boundaries and making sure your needs are met in order for the relationship to still be healthy for you. This is really a conversation you need to have with them so that they understand how it all effects you too.

My partner suffers from a serious mental illness and I rely on him to take his daily meds and go to weekly therapy so that his moods are regulated and the relationship is a safe space for me to be in. In turn, I’ve learned to recognize his triggers and better understand his behaviors so that I can give him what he needs during an episode (time, space, listening ear, or the opportunity to jump back into reality after he’s had an episode without it feeling awkward or starting an argument). We’re extremely open and transparent about how we’re feeling and we both try not to take certain things personally understanding there’s some factors beyond our control.

likehelpful

As someone who lives with/manages PTSD, I can tell you that space and time always works for me.

likehelpful

Also don’t give up on us even when we’re pushing you away. I’ve self preemptively sabotaged so many relationships and really just wanted that person there when things were bad.

like

My ex has depression. It took a lot out of me. He treated me terribly because of it and relied on me for everything. I don’t need much, but he was also never able to be there for me for anything. If I had a work dinner, I’d have to go alone; if I had an event, I’d have to go alone...we didn’t have much of a relationship because he couldn’t function. I finally ended it because he said horrible things to me and I realized this would never be healthy and it was only getting worse.


I hope for better things for you, OP. In my experience now, I’m screening for depression, anxiety, and other issues. I’m not willing to deal with that again.

like

I don’t have advice, but I do have understanding. My husband is bi polar, and it’s tough sometimes on both of us. I do recognize though that I love him so much and he’s my best friend. Life is better together so it’s worth working through the rough patches.

like

Sorry you are dealing with this. Mental health is as important as physical health and your SO didn’t choose this anymore than a person with diabetes or any other chronic disease did. But right now your not married so the “in sickness and health” doesn’t apply yet. You should seriously evaluate whether this is something you want affecting you for the rest of your life.

like

That's really tough.

Are they able to talk about it?

Not really...he says “nothing” and “I don’t know” a lot whenever I try to talk about it and try to cheer him up :(

There are many mood lifting food. You should try to cook those . Google it. And watch happy movies together . Exercise if not this pandemic . Ya they sound really silly but baby steps

I've dealt with depression and anxiety most of my life. With this pandemic going on, it will be even harder to manage. Here are things that help me (you both can do together):

* Try not to watch too much COVID news, but be aware of what's happening on a higher level
* Watch more uplifting news, instances of people helping others. It's heartwarming and makes you believe there can be happiness
* Silly pet videos. Anything fun and light, animals or not
* I subscribe to certain YouTube channels that always make me smile or laugh: The Pet Collective, Fail Army, SomeGoodNews, etc
* Play video games
* Video chat with loved ones
* Go out for a walk if you can. Taking in some sun is really helpful and stretch your legs
* Meditation is hard but I found out about an app called Balance thru fishbowl. It actually works really well for me

It's all about mood boosters. Anything that can make you feel better. All you can do is take it day by day and hope you and your bf's mood improves. If you see him clearly upset, give him some space and check in on him later. Openly communicate with each other. It's important that you both help each other laugh and be inspired with hope for the future.

...I didn’t look at your job title before I read the first line of the post. I seriously thought to myself, “Wait, maybe someone posted a solution to working for a partner with depression?!?”

Then I realized you were talking about relationships. I suppose my search will continue...

Related Posts

It's seems these days service based companies are paying more as compared to Big 4 & captive companies....
Do you guys also feels the same....now a days tcs is also paying good which was never expected from them..

like

What happens if I have enough for a 10% down payment and maybe like $2-3k left (excluding emergency savings), but not enough for closing costs? Can I get pre approved? Just trying to buy my first home and want to do it asap (within the next 2 months). How do I avoid closing costs and what’s gonna happen if I go through the whole process and I tell them I don’t have enough for closing costs?

like

I have a final interview coming week and I really want that job. Any interview tips on how I can ace the interview. Any suggestion would be really helpful. Thanks

like

I teach in a private school, and I am very unhappy (first year in a private school) I have an opportunity to go back to public school. Any advice on leaving?is it a possibility?

like

Grown to love a lot of you traders.. Anyone in NYC? Let’s all grab drinks

Anybody down for a quick meet up today? We can grab a coffee/ drink of your choice. Just moved here and WFH has me really fried.

like

Where did you learn the most that you use in your professional life? K-12, Undergrad or Grad school?

like

Hi..I have done B.com and MBA...from tier 3 college...currently working in Market research....only have knowledge of MS office (excel and powerpoint). What extra courses can I do to get good jobs?? Something not very technical yet in good demand...pls suggest....

like

Is Macabacus or any other add-in actually worth it for Excel & PPT? In LMM - MM M&A roles.

likehelpful

Cheap cleaning service for young professionals in a 3 bedroom apartment (22-23 years old)?

like

Ogletree associates hoping for a raise should hold their breath. The vibe I've received from several shareholders over the past week seems to be that there will be hiring freezes and a close analysis of current profitability. Ogletree is looking to cut expenses as much as possible, not increase pay right now. Don't shoot the messenger...

likefunny

The most comfy shoes I’ve ever worn!

Post Photo
like

Can some one brief what is MOA Monthly Overseas Allowance in Infosys Limited?

like

If you kids are the beneficiaries on my will — can I put one of them as the primary executor as well ? I’m divorced btw

like
like

Why does the Rolex AD have security if they have no watches in inventory? I smell a conspiracy 🤔

funnylike

Whats a good offer for senior consultant at northern trust? 10 yoe with masters.

like

Any Certified Revenue Cycle Representatives (CRCRs) here? What did your career path look like? What do you like about revenue cycle work? Looking into this role and would love to hear more from others in the space.

like

At $GNT event

Post Photo
like

Additional Posts in The Work-Life Bowl

Constantly resisting the urge to quit

like

How long was it till your puppy was fully potty trained? Have been on a good track but still accidents here and there

likehelpful

Do you truly think cities like Miami, Seattle , NYC will be flooding/ underwater within the next few decades?

like

Courtesy of @levered.lloyd

Post Photo
likefunny

Which companies have announced no job cuts due to the virus? Do you think those messages are genuine? They find ways around it, right?

like

Any book recommendations? Mid 20s interested in health, neuropsychology, finance, leadership, and Christianity

like

Cheers to the weekend! 🌮

Post Photo
likefunnyupliftingsmart

Is it just me or is Paychex the best commenter on here? 😂

likehelpful

Actual get-organized tip tip from a recent EY Assist newsletter: "work to only having 3 e-mails in your inbox". Realistic?

funnylike

Do you enjoy life for what it is or are you always craving a higher salary/the next big thing? Would love to hear what everyone’s mantra is in their life and how money relates to it.

like

Should I go home? My boss is out of town and I was told to come into work to do some assignments. I come in and there’s nothing to do. Texted my boss and he left me on read so idk what to do. I kinda just want to leave since all I’m doing is wasting time

like

Do we know which consulting firm was contracted to build the IRS' Get My Payment tool?

Deciding if I should trust it with my SSN and personal info.... or if the gov't built it themselves.

likefunny

Started listening to more music at home now that we’re locked in. For those that have a nice sound system at home and have an Amazon Echo, do you port the Echo’s sound to your sound system? Debating doing that vs buying then nicer Echo Studio. Weighing the pros/cons.

like

I just finished Shoe Dog. It was a great book about Phil Knight’s entrepreneurship journey, but came up short on Jordan influence and brand story. Does anyone know any books specifically about the Jordan brand?

likeuplifting

Can anyone recommend a good standing desk under $500.

like

How To Be Productive when Your Job Is Boring

I’m losing my damn mind at my job. I’m 23 years old and I’m a very ambitious, hard working individual but my job is literally so boring, I feel that all of my habits and skills are slowly deteriorating. I mean I do nothing all day, most days.

Im tired all the time, I can’t think of anything to do. I try to watch educational videos/pods, but there’s only so much. Any advice on how to fill in the time in a productive and entertaining manner?

like

Lenox Hill "Pandemic" episode. Heartbreaking and frustrating.

like

What would you say is the minimum amount of money that your household would have to make before considering to have two babies?

like

Have a blessed day all. Last night my pet passed away, I put him up in a hotel/boarding at the adoption center. Since California is a hotspot for COVID-19, I flew back to my parents house (lower

like

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the
Fishbowl app

See what’s happening in your industry
from the palm of your hand.

A phone with Fishbowl app

Send download link to your phone

OR

Scan your QR code to download
Fishbowl app on your mobile

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

Messaging rates may apply

Download app

Sign up for free to view this conversation on Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy

Already have an account? Log in

Sign up for free to continue using Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use(New) and Privacy Policy(New)
Messaging rates may apply

Already have an account? Log in

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or

General

Legal