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Conversation Starter
Him being sad makes me sad too. I feel helpless sometimes. walking on eggshells whenever he’s sad
I recommend couples therapy. He needs to learn the vocabulary to tell you what’s happening in his mind and what he needs from you. Otherwise he’s asking you to be a mindreader ... and that’s a one way ticket to feeling crazy and alone.
Depression is tyrannical. Just know it’s definitely unrelated to you, but at a certain (breaking) point, that doesn’t matter.
As someone whose last serious relationship ended because of issues related to this, I think it takes a lot of communication and mutual understanding (I was the one with depression).
Knowing that you can't fix the depression and him not thinking you can is important. Have a discussion on how best you can support when those feelings/bouts are at their worst. Maybe it's just sitting in silence while cuddling, maybe it's distraction or pushing for a walk in nature, maybe it's alone time, etc.
I took a lot out on my significant other and it affected them more than I knew but they also didn't tell me this until after we broke up. I think had we talked more openly about how we were both feeling and what we both needed from one another, things could have been different.
OP, that can be tough. The sucky part of depression is that it can also just come over you for no rhyme or reason. Nothing may have "caused" it or triggered it. It can make it hard to put into words why you feel sad when really you have no idea! Your BF may feel this way - maybe you could try asking what it feels like instead of why he is sad? It could be easier to open up about what it feels like vs why.
If he is not willing to open up, I think all you can do acknowledge that he is sad, let him know you are there, and support him with whatever ways that are identified.
Depression can take a toll on the other person because of feelings of being pushed away or relied on, or frustration in not being able to make it better. Make sure you take care of you too and discuss your own feelings with your BF.
You’ll need to find a healthy balance of being able to support your partner in whatever capacity they feel they need while protecting your own boundaries and making sure your needs are met in order for the relationship to still be healthy for you. This is really a conversation you need to have with them so that they understand how it all effects you too.
My partner suffers from a serious mental illness and I rely on him to take his daily meds and go to weekly therapy so that his moods are regulated and the relationship is a safe space for me to be in. In turn, I’ve learned to recognize his triggers and better understand his behaviors so that I can give him what he needs during an episode (time, space, listening ear, or the opportunity to jump back into reality after he’s had an episode without it feeling awkward or starting an argument). We’re extremely open and transparent about how we’re feeling and we both try not to take certain things personally understanding there’s some factors beyond our control.
Rising Star
As someone who lives with/manages PTSD, I can tell you that space and time always works for me.
Also don’t give up on us even when we’re pushing you away. I’ve self preemptively sabotaged so many relationships and really just wanted that person there when things were bad.
Rising Star
My ex has depression. It took a lot out of me. He treated me terribly because of it and relied on me for everything. I don’t need much, but he was also never able to be there for me for anything. If I had a work dinner, I’d have to go alone; if I had an event, I’d have to go alone...we didn’t have much of a relationship because he couldn’t function. I finally ended it because he said horrible things to me and I realized this would never be healthy and it was only getting worse.
I hope for better things for you, OP. In my experience now, I’m screening for depression, anxiety, and other issues. I’m not willing to deal with that again.
I don’t have advice, but I do have understanding. My husband is bi polar, and it’s tough sometimes on both of us. I do recognize though that I love him so much and he’s my best friend. Life is better together so it’s worth working through the rough patches.
Sorry you are dealing with this. Mental health is as important as physical health and your SO didn’t choose this anymore than a person with diabetes or any other chronic disease did. But right now your not married so the “in sickness and health” doesn’t apply yet. You should seriously evaluate whether this is something you want affecting you for the rest of your life.
That's really tough.
Are they able to talk about it?
Conversation Starter
Not really...he says “nothing” and “I don’t know” a lot whenever I try to talk about it and try to cheer him up :(
Pro
There are many mood lifting food. You should try to cook those . Google it. And watch happy movies together . Exercise if not this pandemic . Ya they sound really silly but baby steps
I've dealt with depression and anxiety most of my life. With this pandemic going on, it will be even harder to manage. Here are things that help me (you both can do together):
* Try not to watch too much COVID news, but be aware of what's happening on a higher level
* Watch more uplifting news, instances of people helping others. It's heartwarming and makes you believe there can be happiness
* Silly pet videos. Anything fun and light, animals or not
* I subscribe to certain YouTube channels that always make me smile or laugh: The Pet Collective, Fail Army, SomeGoodNews, etc
* Play video games
* Video chat with loved ones
* Go out for a walk if you can. Taking in some sun is really helpful and stretch your legs
* Meditation is hard but I found out about an app called Balance thru fishbowl. It actually works really well for me
It's all about mood boosters. Anything that can make you feel better. All you can do is take it day by day and hope you and your bf's mood improves. If you see him clearly upset, give him some space and check in on him later. Openly communicate with each other. It's important that you both help each other laugh and be inspired with hope for the future.
...I didn’t look at your job title before I read the first line of the post. I seriously thought to myself, “Wait, maybe someone posted a solution to working for a partner with depression?!?”
Then I realized you were talking about relationships. I suppose my search will continue...