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3-6 is a HUGE swing. I wouldn’t be comfortable with my 3 yo in that classroom, especially with the history of incident reports. Never mind the identity of the aggressor, you need to talk to daycare about what their plan is to keep your kid safe! My kiddo has been in daycare since she was 5 months old, I’ve had exactly two reports of another child harming her (and one of her pulling someone’s hair), and she’s been injured at daycare no more than 5 times total (including her own toddler clumsiness). I’d be deeply concerned about whether there’s an appropriate level of supervision happening.
Echo the comments above. I think it would be fair to at least ask the kid’s age. If a 6 year old targeted my kid, that would be way more concerning than if another 3 year old did. The latter I could chalk up to toddlers being toddlers and I would only be concerned if it kept happening.
I think this likely depends on the daycare, but as a mom of 3, two of which were always the victim and one who went through a biting phase, our daycare provides reports on both. I don't think they would disclose identity though. We have a handbook that states they will not disclose identity, but if your child is identified as a repeat aggressor, they can ask them to leave the daycare.
I will say that I don't think it was a repeat offender in our case when our children were bitten as toddlers, or got bumps on their heads from thrown toys. Are you certain its the same kid every time? I think you could just ask generally if its the same child every time or multiple different ones. If the same child, ask if they have warned the parents about being asked to leave the daycare (or ask if they have this policy/would implement it in this case to protect your child). You have the power of the purse, so if your child is generally well behaved and you always pay your tuition on time, I think they would try to ensure you feel like your child is safe there.
I think your general inclination is correct though - our daycare doesn't put them all together until 'School Ager Room' so the rooms are baby, 2-3, 4-5, and then school ager. We didn't see anything like this past the 2s, so I think its a lot to put 3 year olds with 6 year olds. (My kids are aged 7, 7, and 2).
3 years of reports?! I would take my kid out. 3-6 years seems like too big of a gap. 6 year olds are physically way bigger than a 3.5 year old.
Do daycares give incident reports to the parent(s) of the aggressor child? I have never received a report that my son harmed another child. Not sure whether that indicates that he hasn't, or that such reports just aren't given to the parent(s) of the aggressor. My son's injury today was clearly inflicted intentionally, but many past injuries inflicted by "another child" could pass as accidents. He recently moved to a classroom with kids aged 3 to 6 - there is a big difference between a 6-year-old and a 3-year-old. He is 3.5 years old and could get really hurt by a bigger kid.
Re-reading the report, he was hit in the forehead by a "drum instrument", not necessarily just a drumstick. Could be an entire drum.
Thank you! I included all of those points in my email to daycare (but don't let that stop anyone else from replying - any and all advice is much appreciated - have been ruminating over this for 3 years). As additional context, this is a Montessori daycare, and it is my understanding that the Montessori model groups 3-6 year olds together, one reason being the opportunity for the younger kids to learn from the older, and presumably for all of the kids to have more opportunities to work with intellectual peers regardless of age. 6-year-olds beating on 3-year-olds being an unfortunate byproduct.
I'm a "first-time parent", but evidently grouping ages 3-6 together is how Montessori is done. I spoke with the teacher today (in response to my email) and the incident today was by student younger than my son. FWIW, having 3-years of periodic incident reports is expected, as my son has been enrolled for 3 years and things happen. It doesn't mean that we receive a report every day or anything like that, but a few of the reports concern injuries that could have been intentionally inflicted by others. Seeing our 3-year-old standing next to the 6-year-olds reminded us of size differences, etc. As some responses indicated, the daycare doesn't reveal the identity of the "aggressor" children, but they did reveal the age and that the reports are not indicative of a pattern of behavior by any particular child. Happily, it isn't a case of one 6-year-old bullying one 3-year-old. Just some incidents here and there, mostly or all toddler-on-toddler incidents.
To answer my questions:
It is somewhat taboo to ask for the identity of the aggressor child(ren). The daycare didn't provide this info, but they did provide the age of the aggressor child in this case, and they also let me know that he is not a repeat offender, and also that the parent(s) of a child who intentionally injures another do receive an incident report. The parent's of today's offender did, since this was intentional and my son was not the only one injured (and it was an actual drum, not a drumstick, or so my son tells me).
This response is probably rambling, but I am tired. All is well, and we like the Montessori daycare even though grouping ages 3-6 in one classroom is a little jarring, especially visually. Thanks, all, for the timely input today. Much appreciated, as we are first-time parents w/o any helpful input from family or whatever got people through such things prior to Fishbowl.