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How do you plan to care for yourself this week?
Rising Star
My work friend might be leaving. I’m sed :(
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Conversation Starter
Hi,
I had received a shortlisting call from Axis Bank. The HR told me link will be shared where I need to update my documents.
I didn't receive any link and HR confirmed that there is some system issue hence link has not come.
Now, it has been 4-5 days, HR is not receiving my calls.
Is someone aware about such issue with Axis Bank HR portal? Axis Bank Ltd
Is PTON done? Buy, hold, or sell?
Bowl Leader
Additional Posts in Addiction & Sobriety
Bowl Leader
Bowl Leader
Daily Reflections Recurring Post
January 18, 2021
WOULD A DRINK HELP?
By going back in our own drinking histories, we could show that years before we realized it we were out of control, that our drinking even then was no mere habit, that it was indeed the beginning of a fatal progression.
— TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 23
Click link for today’s full reading: https://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/daily-reflection
I have an agreement with my wife that if I relapse, she should take the kids and leave. Granted, it’s never come close to that, but it’s not my wife’s job to get or keep my sober and she shouldn’t have to suffer from my mistakes. You shouldn’t have to suffer either and it’s not your job to get/keep anyone else sober. I encourage you to take all the time you need to get out of your current environment, focus on yourself, and second the suggestion for al-anon.
You are not a horrible person. Boundaries are needed. Al anon can share some strengths and hopes for the person living/loving an alcoholic. It’s a family disease and that impacts everyone around the alcoholic.
Bowl Leader
The best thing you can do is protect yourself, your kids, and your sobriety.
“No human power…”; you can’t get him sober and you can’t keep him sober. If he asks for help you can be there for him, but you’re in no way obligated to suffer for the relapse of a SO.
D1 thank you, just what I needed to hear. I can’t shake this idea that it’s my job to be here for him now more than ever, but we aren’t married, I am a single mom with 2 kids to focus on, and it’s a lot to take on esp with verbal abuse. Thank you for being supportive.
Thank you for this, that’s a good idea. I haven’t dealt with this before, but I am actually almost 2 years sober myself so it’s a real struggle trying to understand what my role can be here. He has said some pretty terrible things and I’m not sure I can ever forgive him. I will take a look. THANK YOU!!
As hard as it may be, remember we're not the best version of ourselves when we're using. That being said you're no longer his top priority - using is. It's time to find someone who's priorities match yours and one day that might be him again, but today it is not. Our demons are always lurking and you need to look out for your best interests. Stay safe ♥️
That is a great point D3, I wasn’t quite thinking of it that way but it did feel like he just “threw us away” overnight. It was such a MASSIVE change in behavior and I have only known him sober. It’s tough to watch something like this from the outside and to realize how powerful alcohol can be.
A lot of us in recovery also are prone top co-dependent issues. You cannot get someone else sober and keep them in a program. Each of us can choose to be supportive and even stay on a relationship. However, there has to be a line that is not crossed. Once it affects your mental, spiritual, or physical well being, you need to get out. Addicts and Alcoholics [ pretty much the same thing just different substances!!!] will drag anyone down that is willing to sink with them. One of the hardest things is to watch another person self destruct. Anyone who has been in recovery for very long has seen it happen. In AA we remind each other that this is a selfish program. I am no good to anyone or the world if I don't keep a grip on my sobriety. In 39 years of sobriety , I did my own work and stayed sober. I have read the obituaries of people who left the rooms and walked away from a marriage because of my partners drug and alcohol abuse. . I refuse to let any person place or thing threaten what I need to survive.
Wow, 39 years!!! Incredible. Thank you. I think deep down I want to know if some of the stuff he said to me was just the truth coming out, but at the end it probably doesn’t matter. It’s toxic and harmful either way.
I appreciate everyone’s support here, much needed. Thank you.
Nope that’s exactly what you should do. That’s very wise.
Yes, the worst part is that we can’t change or fix anything 😢
No you are not a horrible person He will not be able to have a real relationship with anyone as long as he continues to use. Staying with him would just be enabling him and will make you resentful in the long run. Go with your gut, walk away and if he gets his act together maybe you can try again
Thank you Stephanie! He’s gotten so much worse in the last few days. I didn’t even know it was possible for someone to change so quickly, I barely recognize any part of him. I am keeping my distance now especially to protect my kids. Thank you for the support ☺️
I first tried to get sober 20 years ago. I have had long stretches of sobriety over the past 20 years. At one point I had 9 years like your boyfriend. However I have relapsed a handful of times. My behavior during relapses sounds like your boyfriends. It was hard for me to read your post without being overcome with shame.
I have a wife who is the mother to my 2 wonderful kids. I did not end any relapses neither am I sober today because of my wife’s actions. I got sober again and stay sober because I admitted that I am an alcoholic as described in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous and therefore I am powerless over alcohol and my life is imaginable. I pray your boyfriend has that admission again. It is a daily affirmation.
You need to do what is right for you. If you can keep your sobriety first and stay safe and happy, you should be able to stay with him through this time. However anything you put in front of your sobriety you will lose along with your sobriety.