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Chief
I always believed in forming relationship knots and emotionally investing in them. After 15 plus years, have come to realize that transactional relationships (such as with my trainer, hair stylist etc) have worked for me whereas others have not.
This makes me sad. People are imperfect and often let us down, but I hope you can experience true unconditional relationships with people who have your best interest at heart and want good things for you.
I only give what I would if I expect nothing in return. This way I never track favors, because what I feel owed is always 0. If someone is taking advantage and demanding more than you are willing, yeah, exit that. But I think the only ones who lose are the ones who keep track of things. I rather go to the grave having given out the most favors than the one to have taken the most.
If you look at the world through brown tinted glasses, fresh lillies will look brown and rotten lillies will look brown. It sounds like you have decided yo put on brown tinted glasses.
I’m not saying you haven’t been around truly rotten things, I’m saying not everything is rotten but if you decide that is the way it is, you make it that much more likely you will pass on actually good things.
Exactly. Don’t invest more than someone is willing to invest in you. Nothing wrong with that, plenty of people to meet in this world that share your views.
Chief
Thanks, LB1.
I have to agree - I've always believed people could change and always gave them chances, but some people do just like to just see kindness as weakness and take advantage of others' kindness. Now I know it's best to direct that energy to yourself and those who actually deserve it
We should definitely be careful with our expectations of others. One thing that’s helped me is to try understanding the different ways people show *how* they care.
People express it in very different ways, and we can’t necessarily expect that it will come in the same form that *we* express it. And just because they express it differently doesn’t mean we should discount it or think it’s less than.
I have a family member who constantly gets frustrated with others because she thinks there’s a *right* way to show care and love. She’s constantly disappointed and loses friends because of it, and she ignores all the other ways people show her they truly care. (Example: she wants to talk endlessly for days about every little detail because that’s how she shows empathy. Her husband is NOT a talker but he will work his a** off for her and shows her in other ways he really cares).
I’m not saying this is what you’re doing, but for me, it’s helped me shift my focus and reset my expectations that I may knowingly or unknowingly put on others.
Sorry to hear that OP. I know how you feel because I'm in the same boat now. My best friend and I are going through a friendship "breakup." At first I was trying to work it out, but I also came to a point where it's so exhausting trying to keep this friendship especially when I see the bestie make the effort with so many other people and even strangers, and not with me (e.g. canceling last minute, saying no to driving to my side of town aka 3 miles away but driving 30 miles away for others, etc.)
Chief
I hear you. I observed that people who expect and take the most from me are the ones treating me like shit. In hindsight I never meant anything more than a resource to be used. Now that I started to set boundaries and refuse to deal with their requests, they are trying to throw a bone at me so I allow them back. No way. I am staying my course now.