{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "AITA - In September, I started seeing this girl casually and lately, things have started getting a little serious (we are exclusive). I don’t spend any time physically with my friends since covid started and have limited contact with my folks (they are old with pre-existing conditions). I focus on my client work and only spend my free time with her. She spends every weekend out with friends (despite my concerns, but she says she needs to go out and maintain her social life).", "post_id": "5fc0b984bbe4a7002f7471f2", "reply_count": 49, "vote_count": 7, "bowl_id": "5e6fe1c31f5e51001d267e46", "bowl_name": "Coronavirus Work-life" }

AITA - In September, I started seeing this girl casually and lately, things have started getting a little serious (we are exclusive). I don’t spend any time physically with my friends since covid started and have limited contact with my folks (they are old with pre-existing conditions). I focus on my client work and only spend my free time with her. She spends every weekend out with friends (despite my concerns, but she says she needs to go out and maintain her social life).

like
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at
Highlighted IconHIGHLIGHTED

Few thoughts. 1. Did she have a few drinks before she called you? If yes, she may be more reasonable today. 2. Offer to facetime with her and your parents before Christmas. Tell her you do really want to meet them, but you are worried about their health. If she doesn't accept this as a compromise, tell her one time very clearly that you care a lot about her (love?) And you respect her need to socialize, so she needs to respect this for you. Covid won't be forever (hopefully) so it's a time limited deal.

like

Looks like the two of you have different perspectives on things and I would say this is an indicator that you might not be compatible long-term. Not to be an alarmist and say break up JUST because of this one thing, but after 10 years of marriage and a couple kids, I've found that even with someone who you thought you were absolutely aligned with, they can have different ideas on how to do things, and you only start seeing it more and more as time goes by.

like
Recent IconRecent

She's selfish and unreasonable. Why does she feel entitled to Thanksgiving with your family after two months of dating, let alone in a year in which the CDC has begged Americans to keep celebrations to just a single household?

likehelpful

🚩🚩🚩🚩 Omg this times 1000. Why why why meet the parents so quick? I am glad for you that things are getting serious but where are her parents or family? I have friends who won't bring a new SO around the (really easy going and accepting) friend group until its been at least 6 months. She is also being a dick about seeing her larger friend group (not just same 3 friends in a corona pod?) every weekend but that is not the worst part here.

like

You gave her options. She's the one who is unwilling to compromise. The fact that she doesn't seem to care about endangering your family is a major red flag. You both have a lot more communication to do.

like

Right, but I would think that when you just start a new relationship, you’d be prioritizing your relationship (which is new and requires some extra effort) rather than your social life (which is presumably already established). By “prioritizing”, I don’t mean putting all your focus on your new gf/bf and ignoring your friends...but, for example, if your bf/gf wants to have dinner with you on a Friday night but some of your friends want to go out just with you, you’d opt for dinner with your SO and re-schedule your friends, rather than go out with friends and re-schedule your SO. Over time, as your relationship becomes stronger and more established, I would expect the “prioritizing” to balance out. But I think it’s odd that this gf is making it a point to specifically say, this early on, that she is adamant about maintaining her social life.

like

She’s generally unreasonable as others have said. The only thing I question is if you’re quarantining before seeing your parents. Otherwise, it’s a bit hypocritical since you’re seeing her. That doesn’t mean she should come too, though, it means you should quarantine

likehelpful

But you saw your parents for thanksgiving. Did you see your girlfriend the 14 days before that? If so, it’s a bit hypocritical and you put your parents at risk. If not, you’re fine and it’s all on her

like

You’re not the ass. She’s the ass.

like

OP I think what’s happening is she feels like you are judging her for her lifestyle choices and is getting defensive on top of being hurt about not getting to spend Thanksgiving with you and your family. She’s probably also upset about being unable to see her own family. Not saying she’s right but it probably explains her reaction. Not sure if it’s too late to change the script but you should just flat out tell her the CDC recommendation and say your parents are following the recommendation and didn’t invite non-family this year to reduce the size of the gathering. She can’t really be mad at you if it was your parents decision and they are listening to the CDC. But seriously this person sounds like such a piece of work idk if it’s worth continuing to manage her feelings on this.

likesmart

She's being unreasonable.

like

You’re a good child. Respect!

like

I went to my parents for Thanksgiving dinner tonight and did not invite her. She, undoubtedly, is unhappy about this and spent thanksgiving with her friends... she expressed her unhappiness with me over the phone later in the evening and asked me why I did not invite her. I told her ahead of time this week that I was going home alone and that my parents and I were going to cook a thanksgiving meal together. She didn’t make any comments then. Now, she’s blasting me with how she may not be able to live with this going forward. I told her my parents are happy to see her and invite her over for Xmas if she stays socially distanced and quarantined for 14-days prior to seeing them... but she says she can’t do that and has to live her life, go out, and socialize with her friends. Am I being unreasonable here? (I’m not trying to bring my parents’ pre-existing conditions into the story as an excuse since I’ve also spent time with her and been exposed to her since last meeting.) but we can’t get everything that we want in life, right? AITA here or do I need to check my blind spots and open my eyes for another perspective? Any feedback welcome

like

You can do better them get and you deserve better than her.

like

She sounds very immature and she is in the wrong here. Send her a link to news reports of elderly people in hospital fighting Covid - perhaps with her full social diary, she has missed them! To be honest, most intriguing/odd for me is that she actually WANTS to meet your parents when you've only been seeing each other for a very short period. Most of my friends would swerve the 'meeting with the parents' for as long as possible!

like

I don’t want to leverage covid to my advantage since we (her, me, you) have all suffered through covid. Selfish? I would say yes. Immature? I don’t know... maybe she’s playing a long(Er) game here? I’m not sure.

She seems to be very keen to move fast - I mean, is it normal to meet parents after so little time? Especially for a big event such as thanksgiving? Also, the ‘I have to live my life’ rule works both ways - she’s choosing to see friends, you’re choosing the safety of your parents. Seems to me that you may not be that compatible...

like

Fair point and thank you for replying! Comms and expectations are the next things we plan to talk about. From my perspective, she took an assumption (that I’d take her to see my parents) as fact, without doing her own due diligence (respecting quarantine) and took her own desires to be social to be the utmost priority. I’m not looking for an echo chamber here... I want to hear other perspectives.

like

Ummm even outside of a pandemic I probably wouldn’t bring someone home who I’ve just been dating for a few months.

like

Great point, thanks for sharing. I had that thought too but I’m a fairly flexible person. I think she’s a great gal and I really like her. I don’t normally expedite timelines but I would for her (except we’re in covid times) so some precautions need to be made.

She sounds spoiled and unreasonable. I’m not putting my safety above other people’s and definitely wouldn’t ask someone I’ve been dating a few months to take me home to meet their parents given what’s going on, but especially in this climate. And “needing to maintain her social life?” What is a 19th century socialite? Grow up.

like

No solutions, just to present something overlooked: before your Tgiving with your parents, she was okay, and spent hers with the robust group of friends she has known since before she met you. After that meeting with her friends, she was annoyed at you. My guess: the friends said something along the lines of "if OP really liked you he would invite you to meet his parents, and so this means he doesn't like you." People are suggestible, and this is what drove the demand to meet your parents at Xmas. Perhaps you could FaceTime introduce her to your parents, if you are comfortable with that. Her friends will stop being suspicious of you, and your parents are still safe.

like

Thank y’all for the lightning responses! Totally agreed that we need to communicate better/more and understand/set/define/manage expectations better. Shame on me as a consultant of 10 years for not practicing what I preach (to my clients)

like

I don’t disagree, but - relationship wise - you will fare much better by making the justice issue secondary (“she assumed without doing her due diligence”) and speaking to her feelings and emotions. You seem to have a robust backbone, you’re not in danger of her walking all over you. Accordingly, you’re gonna want to speak to those emotions which are positives for developing your relationship instead of rules/responsibilities. She’s not gonna see your family without doing what you think is necessary to keep them safe - the real question is are you both going to be closer or further apart before/after/during that process. Rules/responsibilities = further apart. Shared/reciprocating emotions = closer.

like

Does she have a family? Does she have good relationships with her family? The only thing that would make sense for me is if she likes you for the package deal - so not just you, but you and your family, because she lacks her own and craves that.

like

Thank you sir/madam. I’m just concerned I might be missing an angle here because I do like the girl quite a lot and don’t want to lose her she due to some stupid misunderstanding.

Two weeks is a relatively short amount of time to refrain from socializing. If she’s eager to meet your parents she should respect that.

like

I would think this was a weird reaction from her even in the absence of a pandemic, tbh.

like

Serious in 3 months???

like

Related Posts

New generation Z associate on my project doesn't know who Michael Jordan is.

likefunny

Working on an IG stories project for Amazon End of the Month. Have all the players- still need Hair/Make up in NYC. Suggestions ?

What’s the dumbest thing you ever charged a client for? Mine was when a client’s Chairman refused to read anything that wasn’t in Helvetica 12. So we had to reformat our presentation (cont’d)

like

For those of us who fall in to the overweight, obese, or morbidly obese categories (71.6% of us) or for anyone with a “pre-existing” condition impacting Covid outcomes - how are you managing anxiety surrounding Covid and the risk factor of being obese? In particular, I’ve seen a few posts addressing obesity and coronavirus on here that - on top of all the news articles in the last few months - have led to crippling anxiety. Additionally, what lifestyle changes have you made, if any?

likehelpful

Should I give a verbal heads up to SM before my two weeks? Waiting to grab bonus then dropping my two weeks but new client engagement starts day after bonus. I'd be the manager for project.

like

Meet with a 23 year old son of a client to open an account. Told him to send me his etrade statement so we can roll over his existing account. He tells me he doesn't know what a statement is.😂

funnylike

Our holiday party was officially canceled due to COVID. Welcome back WFH.

likefunny

Just started in consulting 2 weeks ago don’t really know what’s going on , which way to turn or hoe to prepare myself. The people seek nice but haven’t step foot in the building to meet anyone in person due to covid so it’s hard to truly tell. Haven’t been on an engagement yet just lost

like
like

Was due for a laptop upgrade this month snd usually get the first email around 6 months earlier. In light of COVID, anybody know the approx. delay?

like

Been working on mostly (about 70%) public sector policy and strategy at Big 4 for most of my career. Often go up against MBB on RFPs and have a decent win rate. Would I be too senior to come in as a lateral hire? I guess it’s all about client networks at this level, and being government, it’s locationally dependent - so which markets have need?

like

I'm the Advisory consultant (analyst) leaving for a client job at 2x the salary. AMA

like

If you have to travel during COVID, it was helpful to have CLEAR. Less physical contact and don’t have to take off your mask. To confirm your identity stand in front of the screen to scan your eyes (with your mask on) and then scan your ticket with your phone.

likehelpful

Been practicing a year now. Of 6 attorneys, 4 will be retiring soon, and I was brought in to hopefully take over. I am troubled: first that my partners largely provide me with no guidance. They handed me a client with a large quantity of fairly straightforward casework and have been hands off since. There also hasn’t been any talk of a raise/performance review. How should I ask for guidance/mentor ship? How do I ask for a raise, or should I presume one is coming?

like

Hey fish fam, thinking of a side hustle for post covid and was wondering if anyone knows where I can find a good business plan and financial plan template? Specifically for a restaurant. Appreciate any links you can share!

like

I recently began to feel Covid-19 symptoms and decided to get tested (waiting for results). My husband took the rapid and tested positive. Meet the Teacher is Monday and school starts for my students on Tuesday. If I have to quarantine, I have no idea how this will work. Will a substitute meet my parents and review the routines and procedures? Has anyone experienced missing the first week or two with your class? I need advice.

like
likeuplifting

Came into the project to replace a light bulb, partner is now asking why the house is painted green.

like

Can an audit client get in trouble for reaching out to an audit employee regarding possible emplpyment opportunities even if the employee is not on the audit team? Even if to inform you that employment discussions have to first be cleared by the firm?

like

Additional Posts

Met my team for the first time since Covid started Manager : “wow you’ve gained some weight since I last saw you” Me to me: “ I wonder if I should underperform and blow the budget on the next project i work with you on. “🤔

likefunny

Hi 🐠 - does anyone know about Blackstone Tech & Innovations team (BXTI working with Real Estate / PE)? Is the work interesting / tech strategy, or more boring back office IT work? Would it be a step down or up from Tech Consulting at Big 4? Blackstone

like

Looking at EY for Sr Manager level role. I see that 401k match is low. But they have a pension plan. Can anyone throw some light on how it works ? Is it worth it? How do the contributions grow over 2, 5, 10 years ?

like

How common is an employment contract with specific language for the following: 1. I agree to pay my employer if a client follows me to another firm after my employment ends.

Currently having two offers. 1. HCL with 13lpa 2. Tiger analytics with 14Lpa Which one would be better in WLB growth and culture. Location : chennai 4.5 YOE

What are your agencies doing about their holiday parties in light of the current state of Covid? Have you felt pressure to attend? What size agency are you at?

like

Got an offer from a really small consulting firm that offers no health insurance or 401k match. Otherwise the firm seems like a great fit and something I’d love to be a part of. What are some things I should consider with the lack of benefits? I’m thinking I should negotiate a higher offer to make up for it? Thoughts?

like

Good books on corporate sales strategy

like

Boss doesn’t help me I don’t help them...I don’t volunteer, I leave early and the crappy summer/fall party you’re planning...probably gonna call in sick for that one. That’s what happens when you only

like

Now that flights into India are being resumed is anyone thinking of going back? Since we will all be remote for the foreseeable future, has anyone thought about working remotely from India with US clients (and everyone WFH)?

like

Seems to be Deloitte and KPMG stopping all the H1B transfer?

like

Bonus: - 7% Recent CPI reports: 6-7% inflation I directly sourced and did 80% of the legwork to get the partners a $26mm new account (where we had previously been fired in 2020) with a potential $9mm contract extension in 1Q21. Time to lateral back to financial advisory. Happy Thursday!

like

I moved into industry last summer after many years in consulting in a BD role (F100 healthcare company). I like my new company and the people I work with. Recently approached by a recruiter at a small healthcare company for a broader BD/strategy role with a step up in title. Haven’t been here a full year, but besides the tenure question, any other things to consider?

like

Hi Fishes, I have recently joined PwC SDC as an Associate 2. Wanted to know that is there any smartphone reimbursement or mobile phone program here. TIA!

like

Looking for marriage anniversary celebration vacation spots. Any recommendations plz? I have two kids ( 4 yrs & 1 yr). We live in NJ. Still thinking this is right time to travel or not

like

Help! My child came home with lice! I did the shampoo thing but not sure if I am able to use it too bc im pregnant. Anyone know? I don’t think I have it but idk and want to be safe.

like

Any recommendations for a good adjustable standing desk? My apartment is small so looking for something that is <40in wide

like

How's HTC Global Services in terms of job security?

Best strategy line you’ve ever seen in a brief? (Nothing confidential please)

like

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
Download Fishbowl to see what others are saying
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the Fishbowl app

Get realtime notifications and see
what's happening in your industry
from the palm of your hand.

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or

General

Legal