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I had a manager like this who had no boundaries (and no friends because of it). She used intimacy between us as an excuse to herself about not delivering at work, had been promoted into managing but not trained in it, and so was just making it up as she went along. It was awful. She flipped out at me in a very personal way when I told her I could no longer respond in real time to the WALLS of texts she would send me about her boyfriend. Now I have very firm and clearly stated boundaries (“Oh, I don’t like to talk about my personal life much at work! Just helps me focus. 😊”) and I don’t open up unless there is trust and longevity to a relationship. You can sense when someone is oversharing or psychologically landgrabbing — walls up!
I’m going to assume >10 years, but I’m not sure. I’ve actually noticed that whilst she has leaders who support her, she doesn’t appear to be close to/popular with her peers (probably why she’s latching onto me). I think some people have noticed
this is not normal. sorry you are going thru this. save this and any other written communication.
NTA. This is very inappropriate and I agree with GD1 regarding keeping those firm boundaries. This SM sounds a little toxic and manipulative (keeping you close as a "friend" so she can keep taking credit for your work, etc.) I'd encourage you to address this while it's still early. I'd start saying things like, "Hmm I don't think I'm the right person for you to share this with. Have you tried talking to your Partner/boss about this?" Or something else to show her that you're actively directing her to another (more appropriate) party.
Thank you!! I’ll have to try this if there’s a next time, as I’ve just responded and brushed it off as me being busy with my direct reports and current engagement. Totally agree that she’s being manipulative and is probably trying to guilt trip me into feeling sorry for her by saying this, but annoyingly, this isn’t my first rodeo with this personality type. 😂
I’m learning to trust my gut when something feels off and exert better boundaries, so I’ve been avoiding her and keeping things professional. I’m also a new Manager and have a lot to learn, so I don’t have time to get involved with messy people at work. She just sent me a string of texts asking me why I’m being distant, how she’s upset by this and I’m not being myself (she barely knows me, to be able to say the last point). What is going on here? ETA: I don’t report to her and we are on different projects
That’s a good plan. It’s hard to walk the line between building relationships & protecting yourself, especially while onboarding to a new role. Hope it turns out way better than you expect!