Alcohol + SO. I stopped drinking about 3months ago. Was trying to eliminate triggers for a new skin condition (alc/ bad food/airplane air / stress appeared to be triggers). And skin IS better! My BF

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I think my SO and I have gone through something similar. I haven’t stopped drinking, but I have reduced it significantly now that I’m in my 30s vs 20s. Both in volume and frequency. I don’t enjoy it anymore so I do it less and less. My SO in the other hand hasn’t. His frequency has gone down with mine but when we drink his volume is the same. I don’t like his behavior when he gets drunk. I think we all act a certain way after a certain number of drinks but now that I’m not there, I don’t find it cute anymore. It has come in between us. Because the frequency isn’t high, it hasn’t come in between us a lot but when it has it’s caused major issues.
I think open communication is key. I have openly told my SO that I see my life going in a different direction. I have different goals now health wise and I genuinely don’t enjoy that life anymore. I told him that it’s important for us to grow together in the same direction and it won’t work if we’re headed down life in different directions. He took sometime to process it but he’s getting there.

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I think the people you surround yourself will influence your social activities too. I haven’t been completely successful at this but I want to surround us with friends who want to socialize in more active setting I.e., hiking, biking, skiing so our time and energy and socializing is spent in a way that I deem more productive. I want to ideally not spend too much time with the people who still value 3 am Friday and Saturday nights as their main weekend activity.

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Recovering alcoholic here. Not sure whether your BFs are alcoholic or not (only they can decide that), but assuming they are (since this is the Addiction & Sobriety bowl after all), what is helpful is knowing that you can’t control them or their drinking.

The more you try, the more the control becomes YOUR disease (that’s the whole premise of Al Anon, btw). It also creates two sided resentment: you towards him and he towards you. I certainly resented it any time my prior GF’s tried to get me to stop or moderate.

What I’ve come to learn is that I have a disease and that no one could have helped. AA has changed my life, but please don’t read this as me suggesting that you try to get your BF’s into AA. I think what’s important is knowing whether or not they actually want to stop drinking. If they don’t, then you have to decide if you’re still wanting to be in the relationship. If yes, you might actually find the AA Big Book educational, and Al Anon is open to anyone with a friend or family member suffering from alcoholism.

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1. I highly second the above recommendation about checking out a few Al-Anon meetings.
2. Everyone has a different bottom. You cannot determine that for someone else but you can be a supportive partner.
3. Put on your own oxygen mask first before assisting others. (See #1 and 2 above.)

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Has always been a friendly, social guy. And gets a big boost from being the life of the party. We met in our late 20s, both drank casually/socially (as expected for 2 urban professionals in T1 city). Over time, I’ve calmed down generally, and party way less, and I’m perfectly ok with this. And now I’ve cut out alcohol, dealt with ppl asking me why I did it, since I didn’t have “a bad relationship with it”, feel healthier.
He on the other hand is less keen to accept that more “adulting” is required in 30s. And his social drinking / lifestyle were starting to drive a wedge between us. We did a health cleanse in Sept and felt awesome. And now we just finished dry November (because he was so hungover after Halloween, he was open when I suggested it). Both felt great in Nov. though he was dealing with change in routines / ppl he’d hang out with sober (whereas I started this journey a bit before him). Now on Dec, he’s back to trying to moderate more. But I find myself resentful when he’s drinking - as I can see that his relationship with alcohol hasn’t been fully reset in the way mine has.
Curious about what being sober / drinking less has meant for your SO/spouse and how you dealt with it?

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