{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "All - i need some advice. I am a 27M and there have been talks with my parents that they are going to ‘set me up’ with someone soon. I knew this was coming as that has been the tradition in our culture . . . but after years living in the US, I feel like making a lifetime commitment to someone who I barely will know feels wrong. I have a few female friends who talk about how much they got to know their BFs before the knot. People who have gone through this, am I seeing things the wrong way?", "post_id": "60d93cbbb1b3650022802590", "reply_count": 7, "vote_count": 1, "bowl_id": "58f8108c753e990016608a0b", "bowl_name": "Desi Consultants", "feed_type": "bowl" }

All - i need some advice. I am a 27M and there have been talks with my parents that they are going to ‘set me up’ with someone soon. I knew this was coming as that has been the tradition in our culture . . . but after years living in the US, I feel like making a lifetime commitment to someone who I barely will know feels wrong. I have a few female friends who talk about how much they got to know their BFs before the knot. People who have gone through this, am I seeing things the wrong way?

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I don’t think you’re seeing things the wrong way. Our experiences change our perspectives and we evolve. A lot of people have walked in your shoes and felt this way. I would ask yourself what you want and what you think is right. People will have a lot of opinions and give you a lot of advice, but at the end of the day it’s your life and your marriage. On another note, marriage is quite an undertaking even when it’s with the right person. I don’t see any universe in which taking more time to make sure you really know that your person is the right one would be a bad call. Divorces do happen, and as the child of one, they’re really painful and will upend your whole life at least for a little while. Do your diligence and make sure you’re comfortable with whatever decision you end up making

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If you already have someone in your life start the conversation at your home, if you have not found the one yet then at least meet the girl your parents found. Meet the girl with an open mind, maybe you both click with each other.

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I met my spouse by being setup. It's crazy how within few meetings, we both knew this was it for us. Our priorities, goals as individuals and what we want for ourselves and our families everything was in line. We have things in common that we knew would keep us together but there were different things that we liked and knew they would help us grow. Been married for 4 years with 1 kid, won't change a thing. It was a gut feeling and I think you should listen to it when it feels right or wrong

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Hey OP - it all depends on how much time you’re able to spend getting to know the person they’re setting you up with. If you’re at the stage where you feel like mentally you are ready to take the step of getting engaged / married, then I think the key thing will just be having enough time with the other person, ensuring they are on the same page and transparency. I personally weigh transparency the most since it can make the whole process a lot smoother. Id say give it a shot! All this assuming the person they are setting you up with is accessible to you (not in a completely different country). Otherwise that would just make the “connecting” part a whole lot more challenging. Just my 2 cents!

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No I completely understand. I have seen marriages which did not end up right and both parties were blamed for breaking off the engagement. It damaged everyone’s life. It is a difficult conversation to have, but ultimately one which is far easier than potentially having to deal with the aforementioned mess.

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