{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Am I crazy? \n\nI recently moved in with my girlfriend of 6 years. I am jewish - I go to temple and celebrate jewish holidays. Technically, she is half jewish half christian. She does not go to temple or church and basically only celebrates Christmas.
\n\nContinued…", "post_id": "61a663623d5715002dde0ea5", "reply_count": 169, "vote_count": 11, "bowl_id": "5e8656b80bdab1002a7355dc", "bowl_name": "Confession ", "feed_type": "bowl" }
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Am I crazy?

I recently moved in with my girlfriend of 6 years. I am jewish - I go to temple and celebrate jewish holidays. Technically, she is half jewish half christian. She does not go to temple or church and basically only celebrates Christmas.


Continued…

likefunnyhelpful
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As a Jew married to a Catholic, I think you have to decide what you can be comfortable with personally, and no one else can judge that for you. Are you uncomfortable with the decor in your house but okay with celebrating Christmas at your GF’s family’s house? Where is the line for you? Maybe it’s a matter of reminding her. Our compromise is that we put lights up on our house, but they are blue & white, for example.

Something you need to put thought into is what your future as a couple and possible parents looks like. My husband and I are raising our children to be Jewish, and they are firmly rooted in that faith - they went through the b’nai mitzvah process, already have been or will be confirmed, etc. However, we celebrate Christmas purely from a secular and gift exchanging perspective because that allows them to honor my husband’s background. I will be honest when I say I do not love doing it and would be perfectly happy not to, but it makes my husband happy, so that’s our compromise. He didn’t care about raising Catholic kids but asked that we still celebrate Xmas, so we do.

Could *you* do that (celebrate both each year) if you got married to this woman and were asked to? Or what exactly would you be okay with? Celebrating Christmas with her family each year but never having anything in your own home? You need to think about that and have those conversations now because if your visions are wildly different, you should probably end the relationship. I know the answer for me is that I could never raise my children anything but Jewish.

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Perhaps there are ways where you can compromise on this (after all that is the essence of a balanced relationship). I think it’s fantastic you want to honor your grandfather and your family’s faith but by shutting her’s out or by having conflicting thoughts about a relatively religion-less holiday as Christmas has become for many (not all of course!), you are doing a disservice to your own growth and life. This doesn’t just apply to Christmas. What I would suggest is to find a way to honor your grandfather in tandem to embracing the more modern culture around Christmas. Candles/light are a huge symbol of remembrance, winter solistice, religion (of many kinds), so perhaps you have a prominent photo of your grandfather next to the menorah or another candle during this season. It’s a way to remind yourself of his legacy and let him “see” that the sacrifices he made for you to live your life were worth it. No need to get too hung up on honoring him if it’s going to hinder your life and relationship. It’s okay to modernize and to do so at your own pace. You’ll find the right balance!

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I'm Christian and my wife is Jewish. We celebrate both Hannakah and Christmas bc it's a festive time of the year. Celebrating both doesn't diminish the value of one. I think you need to reassess.

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If her religion allows the holiday to be mutually inclusive and his makes it mutually exclusive, that doesn't mean he has more right to the space or to the house. Her beliefs are generally more accepting so are easier to incorporate into a relationship. He's the hard ass in this case.

I am Muslim and I have a menorah and a Christmas tree in my house because I love the holiday season and spirit. But I also pray 5 times a day because god doesn’t live in a tree or an idol he lives in my heart.

likeupliftingsmarthelpful

I love you, friend!

Celebrating 1 Christian holiday makes you feel like you’re giving up part of your identity? You really want her to give up a harmless holiday that she enjoys (aka a part of her identity) because you think it affects your identity (it shouldn’t). Lowkey should’ve just dated a 100% Jewish girl

likehelpful

Before moving in together, We had a conversation about how I was uncomfortable having Christmas decorations (tree) in the house / celebrating Christmas in general. I agreed that we could get a bush with a menorah on the top. With that said, I do visit her family on Christmas. 

I went home for thanksgiving and came back to our apartment and there are now Christmas decorations in the house. I understand that it’s largely a cultural thing these days, but it nonetheless makes me uncomfortable. 

The reason I feel uncomfortable: 
By celebrating Christmas and having decorations in the house, it makes me feel like I’m giving up part of my identity. My grandfather was the only member of his family who survived auschwitz and was literally ready to die for something he believed in. I feel wrong having the decorations in my house/celebrating Christmas.

Am I crazy?

funnylike

No, you’re most definitely not crazy. It sounds like the holiday is cultural to her. With that said, I would talk about from a theological perspective. It may prompt you to think of your own faith more critically, and in turn challenge both of you in a good way.

like

Hello, I’m a Jewish man with a Christian fiancée. You’re being an enormous twat.

likeupliftingfunny

Second

Consider learning more about coexistence.

Unless your gf is anti Semitic, I don’t see why this is an issue in today’s day and age.

likehelpful

Out holiday her and flood the house with your own decor!

likefunnyuplifting

Ok so, having lights and ornaments in your house is not a repudiation of your religion/culture/beliefs, it is an acceptance of your partners. What is celebrating Christmas anyways to your partner? Decor and dinner, is that really so bad?

When others expect me to acknowledge their holiday traditions, but don’t think twice about my own, it’s a real issue. Seems like you’re on the wrong side here.

And by the way, trees are a part of Russian tradition as well, associated with the new year. Is it really any different than having a plant in the house? If it makes you feel better, don’t bring in Santa Claus into the decor.

This comes from another Jewish home with a beautiful tree and non Jewish members of the household.

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I will say, I had more religious influences growing up, and there were things like going into historical churches on vacation that made me uncomfortable. I eventually grew more distant and learned to accept things at face value more. Just cause some says it’s not ok, doesn’t mean you’re suddenly practicing another religion. And putting decor into your home does not equate to practicing Christianity.

Now I’m not really saying that you need to cross a line you’re not comfortable with, but you sure as hell need to consider how you will handle it going forward. It should never be your way or be highway. And to be frank, it sounds like you’re level of observance based on the background provided, is not a hardliner approach.

My great grandparents were religious and we lost a lot of family in the holocaust, but growing up in the USSR, it was very much the norm to have a tree around the holidays. Jewish, or not. I don’t think taking this stance is disrespecting your ancestors. You should look forward and ensure you pass down their traditions, stories, and belief to your children in addition to your wife’s. I can say with pretty high certainty, that what you pass down will be an altered version from your grandparents. It all changes with time, and that’s normal.

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Sounds like you should compromise, you both live there. Embrace both holidays in terms of decorating around the holidays.

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This. Relationships are a two way street

like

Hanukkah and Christmas are also totally compatible:

From the Christian perspective: Hanukkah was a miracle where God saved the Jews involved. It’s pre-Christ; and pretty much everything pre-Christ is in both religions.

From the Jewish perspective: Christmas is celebrating the coming of the messiah prophesied by the various prophets. Now, jews disagree that Jesus was not this messiah, but from a Jewish perspective you can use Christmas as a holiday to celebrate the COMING messiah. His name just isn’t Jesus.

Christianity is just Judaism 2.0

likesmartfunny

Resolutionist Media, totally agree. I appreciate my Christian friends who genuinely want to learn or those who study Judaism to understand it, but I am always HIGHLY skeptical of churches celebrating Passover and the like. It frequently gets bastardized into something different and Christian-ized - Jesus was a Jew, full stop, who celebrated the Jewish holidays as a Jew, not with any Christian lens himself despite how people look at him now. It feels incredibly disrespectful to have people refer to Christianity as Judaism 2.0 or the Torah as the Bible 1.0 or “the first Bible”. Stop now.

like

I’m Jewish so I get the sensitivity here with Christmas decorations. To me the real issue is that you say you guys had a conversation about this prior to moving in and she went ahead and did it anyway. Did she agree to not putting up decorations beforehand? Not clear what you discussed and what was agreed to. If she said she wouldn’t and then put it up the second she got the chance - to me that’s an issue. Differences in religion are absolutely an issue which needs to be agreed on and respected. What happens if you guys get married and have kids… how will you raise them? Bottom line you need to have a very open and honest conversation… this is not about who’s right or wrong.

like

This is what I came here to say.

You have to realize in this day in age, Xmas seems more like just a day of festivities and not trying to be religious. People mainly just enjoy the colors, excitement, and atmosphere of the “holiday” and really ignoring the true meaning

like

They already had the discussion - she knowingly disregarded OPs stance. She did so while they were not there. This scenario is literally the definition of encroaching.

like

Either add Jewish decorations, or break up if it’s a deal breaker.

My dad was Jewish, mom Christian. We had a menorah in the house during December

like

I’m good friends with a couple guy is Jewish and wife is Baptist. They celebrate both.

like

You’ve been dating for 6 years, you live together, and she wasn’t invited to Thanksgiving?

like

Make up which head you want to think with, you can’t have both…

like

This sounds like selfishness cloaked in religious demands. I bet her side of the argument sounds a lot more reasonable.

like

Wait until you have kids … then the fun will really begin.

likesmart

I have a holiday armadillo t shirt and I wore it to a Chanukkah party this week!

If you are dating someone from a different religious background, expecting them to not celebrate their holidays (even if they aren’t super practicing) is wildly selfish.

If religion is important to you and it is important to you that your partner doesn’t follow other religious practices, you should have talked about whether she would be open to conversion at a very early stage of the relationship.

Saying “you can’t have a Christmas tree” is rather unreasonable and pretty controlling. If she said you can’t have a menorah how would you feel?

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Why you still dating? I mean you both together fo 6 years now.🧐

like

No you fine 🥺

My mom is Jewish and my dad is Christian but not at all religious. We were raised Jewish. My mom loves Christmas trees ( smell of a real one and the aesthetic). We get one every year and just decorate it blue and silver. I don’t think the tree has to mean anything religious unless you want it to

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She is half christian do you want her to erase her identity as well?

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