Am I wrong to tell my mom I don’t want / we don’t need to talk in lengths everyday? I had to move home to support and i just don’t want to talk to talk every single day. She just loves to talk or make comments over and over and over

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Hey - I just want to say that any comments that disparage you for feeling this way is unproductive and this is a valid frustration to have.

My recommendation is to understand the “why” she wants to talk so much (similar to the comment above). I grew up with a grandma who used to incessantly talk my ear off 24/7 about useless things which made my adolescent life very difficult growing up and was sooo annoying. When I got older, I realized that she was just incredibly lonely and bored, and while my brothers generally ignored her, I was her source of daily entertainment. One thing that I did was watch baseball with her and explain all the rules, teams, players and strategies. Within a couple weeks, she was hooked and was a baseball fiend (just watching all the games over and over again). Eventually, I even printed out empty stat sheets for her to fill out in her notebook to occupy her mind and make her feel productive.

Now I won’t give you the Disney story of how she never annoyed me again because it was still quite tough, especially given that it was our family of 6 living in a 2 bedroom household. But, the random times remembering when she used to excitedly share her baseball stat sheets with me still gives me so much joy and happiness on how much it changed her mood and made her feel like she mattered.

She passed away at the age of 94 about 2 years ago and I miss her a lot - all of her. Her screaming my name all the time. Her old smell. Her little candies that she kept hidden in her pockets and bags. But, I’m glad that one of my last memories of her was when our team won the World Series for the first time in decades and how happy she was for nearly half of a year because of it. Best of luck OP and God bless :)

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This is such a wonderful story and helpful reply. I love the memory of your grandma and the baseball. Thank you for sharing this!

I totally understand this. It’s hard to do when you live there with though! I have told my parents that I spend so much time on the phone and in meetings for work that I am tapped out for talking by the end of the day. They understand that. We have made a joke out of it with the saying “I have exceeded my allotment of words for the day.”

Is there a way that you can explain to your mom that after working all day you need to recharge quietly? Let her know that it is not anything against her but that you need time to rest and relax after work.

Also, are there parts of the house you can escape to without her there? Your room maybe? Or maybe going for a long walk or something for some time alone would help too.

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Your emotions are valid.

I have used a couple of techniques.

1. Shared project... We selected and attended an art class at the community center. She researched a local day trip, which we discussed, planned and then executed. We selected a new recipe and cooked together.

In other words, change the interaction to “doing”

2. Schedule the talking...

Let’s talk ever other day at 7pm, after dinner. I want to know about your day.

3. Speaker phone and mute is awesome. If someone talks a lot, I will mute the call and put it on speaker phone while doing dishes or sanding a wood project.

Doing something physical helps me regulate my mood.

4. Ask for help... give an assignment to the other person

I am feeling tired and depressed. I need you to take a 5 minute walk with me

5. Ask questions

Sometimes asking questions would cut down on the random talking

6. See if mom’s friends could drop by and visit with her. I got my mom to give me access to her email account and I connected to her friends via Facebook.

7. I sent her postcards and letters via snail mail. She got mail out of the mailbox.

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I’m in the same boat but I just want to speak less daily. I often get interrupted at work over silly shit that can wait. I lose my patience at times but try to remember that she is just so bored like the rest of us, only without a job to distract her. I find that “asking for help” for silly tasks that they enjoy doing is often a good compromise. For example, most moms love to make meals for their kids. If I can avoid taking time out of work to make lunch or have to cook dinner right after, i think of it as a win win. I also try to reciprocate by chipping in for groceries, treating to takeout, and constantly saying to myself “patience patience patience”. My dad had a cancer scare this year after I moved home so I can definitely see both sides of the pendulum (although I’m thankful to still have both my parents)

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You should consider yourself lucky to have a mom that wants to talk to you. No need to be rude to the one that gave you life 🙏. Oh and you are a manager? What do you manage?

helpfulfunny

Ok

Cmon ! Mom talks to you coz of love - consider this as being fortunate

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Appreciate that MCK1. I mean I honestly hate it because she brings up topics or things I don’t want to talk about. Everyday. It’s like she purposely wants to bring it up, but then I’m the bad guy when I don’t want to discuss same or just shut it off. This is why I don’t like talking. We say the usual GM and gnight and how are things.. but I just want to leave it at that. I don’t mind deeper discuss 1-2x a week.. just not daily

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I moved home. I lock the door. She calls. I don’t answer. She calls again lol. I would leave but have to take care of the fam

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From a momma's boy perspective haha, I think you should take time to talk to your mom each day. I don't want to be grim, but I think you might regret it in the future when you look back on how you chose not to spend that much time with her (or you weren't enjoying spending time with her). You'll probably move out, which will probably decrease your interaction each day. And, eventually, we all have to die some day. Most parents do a lot for their kids throughout their lifetime. I don't know what your personal situation looks like, but I know that most parents prioritize their kids over themselves. Their kids mean the world to them.

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I get it. I’ve lived with my mom for the last year and a half to save for a house. I live in the basement apartment and anytime she hears me open the door (maybe to leave, maybe to head to my home office attached to the garage) she yells for me to come up and talk to her. I had dinner with her and her friend a few weeks ago and joked that it bothered me. She’s cut back a bit. But I really just try to balance my annoyance with her generosity and potential loneliness. Good luck!

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