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I’d feel a little slighted by that if other work people are invited. If no work people are invited I would not feel slighted.
I had this and sent a gift anyway. 5 years later we still have a great professional relationship and trust each other enormously.
At the time I was a bit miffed b/c other work people were going, but they were all peers not seniors like me.
I think inviting a boss always feels awkward, no matter how much you respect them. If you don’t hang outside of work, inviting you to the wedding would make it feel like work
I mean, feeling any kind of way is not silly but there are a lot of reasons why she may not have invited you that are not a commentary on how much she values you and your support. They might have large families or friend groups that they are accommodating, she might have felt it’d be an imposition to invite you because you wouldn’t know many folks and would put you in position to feel obligated to give a gift or just that you and your husband are busy. I’ve had similar situations - I usually propose that we take them out for a celebratory dinner after the wedding / honeymoon and honestly I prefer that to going to a wedding where you only see the couple for a few moments!
I think you are crazy to be upset by this - a 200 person wedding can pretty much just cover immediate friends and family from both bride and groom if they have a reasonably sized family each.
You even say you aren’t friends or hang out outside of work - why on earth would you have expected an invite?
Coach
I can totally understand feeling that way. I wouldn’t say it’s “crazy”, or that you should “ignore” your feelings. But i would trust there is a good reason for this and no malice. It’s their big day, not yours. They probably have some constraints or other factors at play.
I know it does not make sense rationally, but I was also a bit hurt in a similar situation. All is good now.
In addition to the other comments, I'd add that perhaps she prefers to keep separate her personal and professional lives. I'd simply send a nice gift and leave it at that.
Be the bigger person, send a gift and ignore your feelings
If it was like my wedding, it was because the other spouse did not want boss there.
It’s not silly. I would also feel a bit offended. Sounds like you should have been invited based on the impact you have had in her life. If you weren’t then your relationship isn’t as important to her as you might assume. Doesn’t mean that’s anything you have done could just be she views work relationships through a different lens and keeps them separate from personal (I have seen that among the younger people they can be very transactional in the workplace ).
Depending on the family, 200 goes fast. Childhood friends of each, High school friend of each, college friends of each, extended family of each. Their friend (why do parents get to invite friends???). Work fiends of each, then work friends. Then mentors?
No. Don’t feel slighted. I just got married and eloped, so we disinvited everyone. We tried to put together and invite list for a wedding and found that there were too many people that would be offended if we invited some and not others, and sooner than later you are up to 250 people. Ugh 😑