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Rising Star
I met one of my best friends through a mutual friend.
I really can’t explain it but we just clicked.
Both socially awkward with weird senses of humor, both in consulting, same way of looking at the world. We we partners in crime for three years until she lost her battle with cancer. Wednesday marks two years.
She was my biggest cheerleader and advocate and always reciprocated because she made it so easy. I still talk to her when the days are going and not so good.
Sorry if the post is a bit long and sad. I miss her something fearsome.
No don’t feel weird and awkward! It’s just so sweet, but also a heavy loss. Hope you’re coping well
Rising Star
Try taking the focus off yourself. Instead of hoping people like you, aim to connect with her or bring her some joy, make her life easier .etc.
Personable. Make an effort to ask questions and get to know me rather than just the usual small talks.
I definitely do try to. If anything, I am really not one for small talk and dont mind getting personal quick
Right, so I am never the person people say “omg she is so nice, I love her!” and I feel like I am doing this wrong. Closest I heard was “she means well” lol.
Chief
MC1 I appreciate it as well. I find it hard to get my thoughts across in this environment sometimes. The whole giver/receiver thing. Thank you for explaining/clarifying.
Why do you want to be nice? .. I am too nice to people and people take advantage of me, don’t take me seriously, I am a PM on a project and one of stakeholders was yelling at me because I told him to complete some items before a deadlines - I want know how have a balance of nice, and strict with people so people don’t just take an advantage of you being too nice
Because of things like Deloitte1’s comment below. People are quick to make up their mind about me and I want to appear nicer to give myself a better chance with them. All my life I felt like an outsider and left out. I think the difference between here is being friendly vs being easy going in your case.
Yes! I went to a meetup once and just clicked with one girl. We had a ton in common. It was a convo of, no way, me too lol. Well 8ish years later and we're still friends. Didn't talk to a single person from the Meetup ever again.
I think people say I'm nice, but I'm an introvert and definitely not particularly social or the type of person that makes others feel naturally comfortable or the type of person people just gravitate towards.
That’s awesome!!
Chief
Cares about you enough to ask questions. Fun and easy going. Good listener. Goes out of way to be friendly (ie stops by desk to ask about how you are, asks to go to coffee, etc)
Not too stiff, rule following, or negative.
Chief
Genuineness, humility and vulnerability are also key. You have to act like you’re with her, not above her or others. Acting superior in any way is a turnoff for women to want to be friends
I have the same issue. Mostly with women but in general as well. Friends say I can come off a little stand offish to new people when in reality it's just that I'm uncomfortable. I don't think people tend to give others the benefit of the doubt when they perceive them as standoffish (I recognize this is a generalization). I think they jump to you're cold or indifferent or think you're better or whatever negative adjective of their choosing. It takes more effort to try and understand why someone might be behaving the way they're behaving than to jump to conclusions (we're all guilty of it aren't we)...and why would you spend the effort doing that when you're meeting someone new who has no relevance to your life anyway? My bf for example is super social and has tons of friends so I always have a great deal of anxiety meeting them or going to large social gatherings with them. A lifelong process alas. You're not alone!
I actually do! Thank you C1. I love to travel and seem to get along with people well while traveling. I find travellers are very open to different types of people.
Only had this really happen a couple times, always with the kind of woman who doesn't have a mean bone in her body. I'm not flawlessly nice, but I'm drawn to people who are and so I take great care to nurture those friendships.
I DON'T get along with women who say nasty things about other women to me assuming I will agree with them, that is an immediate sign we will not be friends
I will also say I try my best to be fair and nice in daily life, and while I don't partake in talking shit about women to other women, I am assertive, sarcastic, and confrontational in general. I'm no wallflower, I'm ambitious, and I'm full of jokes about men.
For me, clicking isn't about finding a female friend who is a carbon copy of me, it is about finding a female friend who balances me.
I’ve been told I come off a bit intimidating but I met this gal through mutual friends and she right away was just so chill, not trying to impress anyone, just being 100% herself, and I knew within a weekend I had made a friend for life
Rising Star
I am now sane enough to answer. I think the biggest thing to me is authenticity you can feel it instinctively and it’s not something you can fake. I’m told I’m funny, tough, fair and nice and all that’s great but my friend who I referred to at the top of this thread was all about being authentic.
Some days I’ll be an asshole because I’m only human and I’m overwhelmed but it doesn’t mean I won’t do my best or help others do their best either professionally or personally.
So I say be approachable by being yourself.