{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Any advice on how to be more patient when SO is in between jobs? He spends most of his day playing video games and he looks for jobs 1 day a week. It’s been about 2 months, no interviews or calls yet.", "post_id": "607f13305ebd7a0021f82c81", "reply_count": 19, "vote_count": 2, "bowl_id": "5976222cab932800101a9ca4", "bowl_name": "Women in Advertising" }

Any advice on how to be more patient when SO is in between jobs? He spends most of his day playing video games and he looks for jobs 1 day a week. It’s been about 2 months, no interviews or calls yet.

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Personal opinion: if I wanted to work again, I’d be putting in a lot more time than once a week to apply/have informational interviews/take skills courses/etc. Have some conversations to get to the root of what he’s feeling, what his needs are, what his goals are, and how you can support him across all of those things.

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He’s definitely just not that motivated and I feel it’s not my job or place to motivate him. He is “go with the flow” kind of person and says that he’ll get there when he gets there

Burnout or performance anxiety? They require different approaches... Have you made your expectations clear and talked about timelines/impacts on your long term planning and where you draw lines?

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Well, you’re not his career coach so don’t think about it in terms of “typical job search” — you are his partner so think about material impact on your lives. Discuss his financial runway, whether being out of work will at a certain point impact his ability to pay his way for food or rent or dates or trips you’re saving for. If there are things you have planned later in the year can he still commit to them? Is there a point by which YOU feel is too long to be half-assing a search? It’s not about forcing him to full-ass, it’s about communicating that if this stretches past X months you’ll start to feel differently about him or the relationship having legs, etc

likesmart

Oooo. Totally there with you. I just remind myself that I’m working toward my goals and it’s his job to work toward his. If he doesn’t reach his because he’s a lazy ass, so be it. But I refuse to participate in his self pitying talk when he does the bare minimum to get by. Just focus on you. And bill him for half the groceries.

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Lol this was very comforting haha Are you two still happy together? Does the difference in work ethic ever cause tension of resentment?

I’d sit down and have a chat about money and the future. Like for how long can he support himself? Are you supporting him? If so, how long are you willing? And if he’s got savings, talk about how him spending that savings has an impact on your future together. Like we’re you hoping to buy a house, have kids or whatever and without a cushion that will be delayed? Make it factual, but kind. To see where you are in agreement and not. You may find he’s got a plan, or you may find that he doesn’t and that might not work for you longer term. You won’t know until you talk about it.

likesmart

Ask if he can help pitch in more at home if his job is going to take a back seat. Much easier to be patient when it means home cooked meals and clean laundry!

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Why would you feel guilty?

Honestly you shouldn’t be more patient with him. You said you feel guilty asking him to do anything more while he has no problem asking you to work and support him while he half asses his way through life. I understand if he needs a break but he hasn’t expressed that to you. And if he’s in a good place mentally then he ought to spend tons of time applying and should just delay a start date if he feels he’s needs more time off. Also, it’s not like he will apply and get the job tomorrow. Those processes take weeks anyway so he will get his break and have time for video games and other things. Right now though it sounds like he’s happily taking advantage of you.

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Does he work in advertising too?

I’m not sure at all tbh, he majored in anthropology and his previous job was related to mental and physical health’s relationship to nature

Wow your being much nicer about it than I would be. I sent my husbands resume everywhere I saw a posting and was probably a little naggy (I’m working on it). But it got the job done because I don’t like dipping in to our savings and he got a job before we had to.

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