Any advice regarding leading a mid-level male team that simply will not accept feedback... or being lead for that matter. It’s constant teeth pulling to get simple, effective changes made to work and they act as though any constructive criticism, is a personal attack. There’s a lack of respect and a mightier than though attitude. I always try to be as kind as possible in reviews and over email, aware of how sensitive they are. Sometimes it feels like if I had a dick, there wouldn’t be an issue.

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I wish I had magical advice here. But you need to document everything, alert your superiors and get support behind you because people like this can be trouble. Document EVERYTHING. If you give feedback verbally, follow up with an email.

You may need to give the feedback that one of his growth areas is learning to receive and manage feedback professionally.

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Sad to say, but you could find a male leader/colleague “champion” the feedback initiative. But just know that there’s nothing wrong with you or your leadership style, the males are the issue.

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Maybe you need to be a bit of a dick.

I have what I consider a fairly "soft" leadership style,. I like a bit of arguing to get to the best outcome, but I had a male report who just fucking argued over everything.

Sometimes I need you to just do it the way I asked for a variety of reasons: I've done this before and I know the best way, I want to know the methodology you used so I can review it quicker without having to think through if there are any flaws in your method, or maybe I just need it done fast versus doing it some super long but repeatable way for an activity you won't need to repeat.

Anyway, I use a sharp tone that would indicate this is not up for discussion anymore. My responses get shorter and blunter. Not unprofessional, but definitely not "nice"

When I left the firm, a lot of people commented about my kindness and patience, with my junior staff, so I like to think that I was able to be authentically kind while not putting up with bullshit.

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This is so helpful for read. In the exact same boat.

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Document all communications. If the conversation gets heated via phone or video call, pause the conversation and ask if there’s an underlying issue that needs to be addressed. If the person or the group keeps berating you, let them finish and tell them you’ll be following up with the lead regarding professionalism.

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If you haven’t already, take your emotions out of the situation. Deal with the issue/actions/behavior as it relates to your company policies. So instead of pointing and saying “you”, say “this behavior”. Definitely document everything- with a time and date stamp; and finally, share your concerns with the leadership. Sending prayers your way!!

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I had this happen to me. The guy was verbally abusive in the end and left the company. Six months later he wrote me a note about wanting to meet and wash my feet (I am honestly not sure if that was a literal thing he wanted to do or just verbally make peace) because he felt so badly about it. The real problem was that he was older than me and didn’t like having to be my report. He pushed the boundaries of what was acceptable and yes, in his prior job he had more management experience than me - so he did things to try and expose weaknesses. It’s not that he thought he could do my job, he just wanted to prove I wasn’t above him. My boss was a man - they got along great. I wish I had a happy ending or real advice to give. It sucked. It was toxic. It didn’t last long enough to figure it out. Hopefully others have something to share!

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Wow you two are me right now. Two men with the same issues. The SM (also male) said that because I’m having talent issues on two projects it must be me, even though we’ve worked together for years and have never had this issue and he has never seen this himself from me.

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My current team members are similar although they are not middle aged - they are fresh out of undergrad and want to somehow prove to the SM that they are better than me. My SM tells me there was multiple escalations. And m like why couldn’t you tell me the first time. And he said it was multiple in a single week and ever done he hasn’t heard any other negative feedback

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