Any ladies here in a LTR living with your partner but not married? I know one very good friend who has 2 kids, lives with the father of her kids but they never married.

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I think legal marriage is a personal decision if you’re not religious and believe in marriage in that context. I’m currently legally married and going through a divorce and have decided I would never legally marry another person. We can have the ceremony and all but no papers. If your relationship with your partner is not happy, fulfilling, and balanced, marriage won’t fix that. Plus going through a divorce is no walk in the park, even for the most amicable ones.

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I was with my now wife for almost 15 years before we got married due to same-sex marriage laws. In a lot of ways it didn’t make a difference but in some it definitely does. She is now on my medical insurance and we now have full privileges in hospitals which wasn’t true before and was a real issue due to her disability. An important thing to think about is in many states, if you live together long enough common law marriage does take effect.

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My best friend never wants to get married. The primary reason is bc she doesn’t see herself ever having kids (her mom and a few others in her family have severe mental illnesses so she has some anxiety when it comes to potentially passing that down) and her parents marriage was rocky growing up. She is with someone now who is on board with the partnership route with no biological kids. I do see that he sometimes wants to be more of a unified unit than her though. For example, she wants to buy a house and she doesn’t want to let him contribute so it’s both of theirs - she prefers that it’s only in her name and that he pays part of the mortgage. I do try to sympathize her as much as possible, it’s definitely different than me (I do see myself getting married and having kids) and I respect her for going against the norm - especially bc she and I are both Indian and standing up to societal expectations like she has is no walk in the park.

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Your best friend sounds like me. I’m also indian. In my case I’m much more affected than others from my childhood and parents marriage. Not saying that’s her issue but it took me a long time to even understand the depths of it

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I'm living in Australia. And I don't plan to ever get married. It just seen like a lot of stress for no change in the relationship and adds future complication. However here the de facto law means you've been together long enough you are viewed as a married couples anyway you have the same rights and everything.

If I do get married it will be if I move to a different country and require it for whatever purpose, such as visa, insurance, legal etc.

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A3. It’s similar here. After a certain amount of years living together there is common law marriage but I’m not well versed on the differences.

So? did you just come here to gossip about their relationship? I mean honestly the only person with a problem here is you. They are happy and living their lives. No need to have anyone else justify their relationships choices all to make you feel ok. Why would you question other peoples happiness all because it doesn't fit with your view of what should be?

The question isn't whether they are truly happy being in a great relationship.. the question is why does it make you uncomfortable to see others happily living a committed life without marriage?

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You have to poll the audience to validate the happy relationships of your close friends... all to prepare yourself for the possibility of hypothetical future relationship.. and I'm the sad one?😂😂😂 o...k...

OP thanks for asking, was just talking with friends about this, and appreciate hearing different perspectives on this. I feel like marriage is held up as the end goal for women all the time and I’m not sure I get why. I do like the idea of partnership but idk why it had to be a legal thing. I’m conflicted on this myself because I do like the idea of a committed, respectful, loving long-term/lifelong relationship. And I don’t think marriage is the only way to do that.

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Thank you! It’s going through my head as well and helps to know several or some others struggle as well. For me it has a lot to do with coming to terms with seeing constant fighting in my parents marriage but deciding whether or not I want kids due to that is a whole separate post 😂

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Is marriage always the end game or are some of you truly happy and content in your partnership vs. marriage ?

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To reiterate for the folks so obviously offended this is a good friend and former colleague who I respect and seems to doing well

Additionally, a close friend of mine was with her partner for 12 years before they legally married and that was only because she needed to be on his health insurance when she got pregnant. No difference between them LTR and “married”.

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Parents on their 3rd marriages and miserable, so I never wanted to get married. It gives me severe anxiety when I think about it. I think eventually I might marry my long term partner, after a couple of kids and a decade plus together. Personally, I think marriage should come at the end, not in the beginning.

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I think thinking about it carefully and weighing your personal past experiences and preferences is key

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Marriage or LTR is something that requires 2 to make the decision. It’s personal, generational, and cultural. There are pros and cons to each but so is each situation.

Like bank accounts, people should decide amongst them what works best,

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Thx for the support A2!

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Thx k1 and d1 for your perspective! Any other folks’ experiences/thoughts on struggling through the decision to marry or not are welcome. I suppose it is indeed rare.

I appreciate everyone’s perspectives above, but help me out with a question. If the person is not ready to legally commit, how to you know they are truly committed? What other ways are there to demonstrate lifelong commitment, beyond the here and now, and being ready to take risk and hop on and never look back? I believe you’re not committed until you’re committed and personally if I wanted to get married but SO didn’t, I would consider that absence of commitment.

It’s all a crapshoot at the end of the day when you realize the divorce rate across all cultures now a days

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