Any of you struggle with your parents refusing to go to the doctor? My mom is approaching her 60s and while she is a fairly healthy person (aside from allergies), she won’t go for physicals, mammograms, etc. She has insurance and even if she didn’t, money isn’t the issue here. Each time we talk about her going (or me literally saying I will drag her there lol), we get into a big argument. I assume she’s just scared of the unknown. Anyone else deal with this?

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You telling her directly won't help here. But you sharing stories of other families where they regret not going earlier for either their own family or themselves might resonate better probably. My mom has lived with this regret of not getting my grandmother proper physicals or medical care before a stomach cancer was caught too late. Since then she's been adamant in seeing the doctor and has managed to catch breast cancer and uterine cancer early to beat both. Now getting her to lose some weight is a different story 😑.

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I’ve shared many examples of the “what if” and “look what happened when person A, etc” stories and she still doesn’t budge. Her entire family (parents, aunts/uncles) died at a young age and I believe she recognizes that. That’s why I’m more so inclined to think she’d rather not know and if it’s time to die, then let It happen. But I don’t think she understands that prevention is so important. I also think she’d rather not let her kids worry about taking care of her if she’s really sick, but that’s bound to happen if we know or don’t know. And yeah, this is more than just her needing to lose weight. This is just a complete disregard for prevention

Ugh. It’s difficult

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Kind of similar, but maybe this can help.

I had a serious talk with my dad about follow COVID guidelines (no indoor eating and wearing a mask all the time). He keeps talking about how his immune system is “the best” because he is so healthy and perfect and he takes care of himself by eating lots of protein and drinking honey and whiskey at night. Idk where he got most of his ideas (probably WeChat?) because most of them aren’t even like rooted in Chinese medicine, they’re just crazy. In the end, I got him to abide by the mask rules and to avoid indoor dining by guilt tripping him. The scared straight tactic seemed to bounce right off at first, but it wasn’t until subsequent days that I saw his behavior started changed.

Essentially, I told him to imagine how guilty he would feel if he happened to catch COVID and end up in the ICU where none of his children could visit him. I told him to imagine how abandoned and terrified his children would feel to think their father may die or never live a normal life again. I then said to imagine how much regret and shame he’d feel to die alone in a hospital like that with his kids crying at home wondering how they’re going to take care of the house, mom, etc.

Sounds extreme, but my parents used to tell me if I slept with the fan on in the summer I’d die in my sleep. Apple <—- Tree.

I will say, though, on the other hand. Reminding your parents that you care they stay alive because you love them helps, too. I really think our parents think they are choosing the way they “go out”, when they get overwhelmed with their own health concerns. Sometimes they need to be reminded they’re living for others too.

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While I haven’t found a solution myself, I can tell you that I struggle with the same issue. I suspect they have a fear of doctors they’ve developed due to previously being poor and avoidant because of the sheer cost. Although we have no issues paying even out of pocket today, the attitude remains. My mother had a cavity that we begged her to get checked for a year. We forcefully scheduled an appointment for her eventually and she obliged to go since we did it. Prior to this, we spent the whole year begging her, telling her all the possibilities as to how she could lose her tooth, etc. My moms tooth turned out to be so bad the bone where her tooth was simply deteriorated and she can no longer even get an implant. Sharing stories of other people didn’t help, but just scheduling it for her and taking her the day of seemed to. I still struggle with begging both my parents to eat healthier. My mom hates vegetables and my dad won’t give up fatty foods. It’s a nightmare. Enforcing this is hard on all of my siblings. My boyfriend though seems to have none. His Asian parents are the kind to relentlessly follow doctors. I hope you find a solution. Good to know I’m not alone in this struggle

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