Any other black attorney feeling enraged and hopeless today. I’ve been brutalized by the police before. And I’m supposed to work without question today. The events last week have triggered a reoccurring flood of feelings. I tried to put an away message up saying I was taking the day for personal reasons and I still was asked to do work. Feeling angry, pissed, etc.

likehelpful
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OP, I’m sorry that you and other people of color have endured and continue to endure what you do. Earlier today I was discussing with a colleague whether “this time” will be any different than Rodney King, or Trayvon Martin, or Michael Brown/Ferguson, or Walter Scott, and if so, why? Especially given your own experience being brutalized I can’t imagine how frustrating it is to hear the same story, feel the same pain, experience the same triggers, and then watch life return to “normal,” until it happens again. So, I’m sorry.

Respectfully, I have been pondering a question since last week that I would like you or someone else on the string to help me with. I feel that I should listen now more than talk, but for context I’m a white 55 year old male. I grew up poor with a single mom but have experienced the benefits of whiteness and maleness all my life. Although I was raised in a home that was as colorblind as my mom could make it, have raised my kids the same way, and have mentored and worked hard to advance people of color and women my whole career, I know that I can’t know your experience. Against that backdrop and with a sincere desire to understand this time in our history better than I do, and to be as constructive as I can, my question is this: what can a person in my position say or do now and in the coming weeks that will ease your burden and make things better?

likeupliftinghelpful

Hey OP. I’m glad you’re doing ok. It’s been an amazing and shattering couple of weeks for so many of us.

The other night over dinner my wife and I were talking with my 24 year old daughter about how each of us — and many others we know — have reacted to and done concerning the events that began with Mr. Floyd’s murder. The young adult daughter of a friend has been protesting by herself for 5+ hours every day at a downtown intersection in the small town where she lives, receiving both cheers and jeers from passers by but always protesting my herself. A friend of my daughter’s works for a large company that is matching employee contributions to BLM and related social justice causes. He has solicited his large friend group to Venmo him their contributions so he can aggregate them and donate through his company to maximize the match. I and my colleagues are preparing a lawsuit on behalf of our local BLM chapter and 7 individuals, seeking damages and an injunction relating to police violence against protestors. I have also been reading, reflecting, and listening. Other people I know are protesting, or donating, or advocating that their employees contribute time and/or money. Others are leaning meaningfully on politicians. Few people I know are doing nothing. That by itself is heartening.

My point in sharing of all of this is that even though not everyone I know is furious, few are complacent and most are doing something meaningful. Many are also appalled and some are shattered by their emerging understanding of injustices they didn’t see or appreciate until recently. As an example I knew that Black Americans were far more likely to be abused or killed by police than white people. I thought that was unjust. But I also confess that I paid too much mind to the fact that many of those people were resisting or refusing to comply with police orders, and too little attention to the impact of past police abuses on the feelings of Black Americans about whether cops are “good guys” and how to respond to police commands that may themselves be unjust. That recognition of that blind spot and others I’ve sensed in recent weeks has generated many emotions, mostly long the lines of frustration and disappointment with myself, along with a lot of reflection about how I — as a person or relative powers and influence — can make things better. I suspect many others have had similar thoughts and feelings. Maybe that’s reason to hope that this time will be different. I sure hope it is.

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I’m a black associate and have the same reactions right now. I’m mentally exhausted and I’m trying to focus at work, but it’s extremely difficult when I see my race viewed as a weapon by racists. My degrees won’t save me.

likehelpful

“My degrees won’t save me.” That hit me HARD. Whew. I speak three languages, can recite blue book rules AND the FRE, churn out a motion, give an incredible closing argument, etc etc etc ... but at the end of the day, I’m still black.

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Thanks again to everyone for all of the posts and support. To update, I was on a call yesterday and an associate slightly senior to me tried to assign more work to me, which I felt I couldn’t handle right now. I don’t think she was being malicious, her thought was more about the work getting done.

I told everyone on the call that I had suffered trauma from the police and this week was especially hard for me. It was awkward, but the partner did jump in and say it was okay that I couldn’t do the work.

Another partner — a known tough partner — gave me some rope on a brief I’ve fallen behind on. I was shocked. She even offered to have someone else pick up the brief for me.

No one has really asked how I’m doing. But I think/hope that my team is going to give me some latitude here. As minorities, we tend to suck things up as the above poster advocated. And I’ve many times left my issues at the door. But I think it’s important for us to speak up. If not, we will just turn in shit work that will help no one.

I could, however, have it wrong and risk not getting put back on work when I’m feeling ready. We shall see.

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Appreciate it!

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As a partner at my very small firm, I reached out to our employee who is a person of color, although not black. I told her that I imagined that she might be experiencing this time differently than I was and that I supported her self-care and any hours reduction she might need. I meant it too. If she doesn't make her hours this month I will reduce my pay to cover her. I think anyone in a position of power and a firm should be checking on their black and other people of color employees and making sure they are okay. I strongly believe that people should not be penalized for the toll that this week is taking on them.

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Went to my first protest on Tuesday. I’m scared of the police. Really scared. Scared as in a relive what happened to me. But as I saw all of these people marching and fighting, I joined on a whim. And I got over my fears. It was empowering.

likesmartuplifting

Solidarity

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Damn. That really hit me. My white privilege is totally showing that I didn’t realize this would be a distracting time to work. Thank you for bringing this to my (everyone’s) attention and making us a little less ignorant.

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I’m a black associate and that exhaustion is real and magnified by the fact that I cannot congregate and commune with others as I usually would. Further, I’m one of two black associates in my group and no one in my group has said a thing. Nothing. Zip.

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So sorry you have to go through this

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Thank you! I just wish the firm would give a bit of sincere acknowledgment. We’ve had 90 millions calls about Covid and how that affects our business. Why couldn’t we, at the very least, get a group call about how this affects our black attorneys? Maybe offer a day off. Too much to ask I guess. Especially considering that we’re the ones engaging in the protests and organizing efforts right now.

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I’m a black associate and I feel the same thing. You’re not alone. It’s difficult to go about every day like “business as usual” when that’s not the reality right now.

likehelpful

“To be black and conscious in America is to be in a constant state of rage.” -James Baldwin. The last thing on my mind today is billing and writing reports. I’m headed to my first protest tomorrow. Been wearing Black Lives Matter merch on all my Zoom calls. I’ve had it. I’m TIRED. I stand with you.

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The first rule is always take care of yourself. How to make that happen in a law firm environment is very delicate and dependent upon your specific circumstances at work/what type of work you do, so I won’t try to speak to it. But very few deadlines cannot be met even with a few hour break for a long walk or run, a nice meal, a nice bath, and a call to your mom. Do what you need to do for you.

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Thinking of you and I hope you are able to find some space.

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I'm white, and I'm angry for you. How firms respond to this situation reveals a lot about their character. Any firm expecting associates to carry on as normal, particularly associates of color, is showing they are at best tone deaf and more likely indifferent to their associate's needs. Options are limited right now, but if I was at such a firm, I would be looking for other opportunities.

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I’m white and cannot imagine how my fellow black attorneys are maintaining focus this week. I went to a peaceful protest Saturday and saw a black man get severely injured by police who started shooting riot equipment into the crowd. It has really messed with my head and my focus has been terrible. I hope everyone has someone to talk with and can possibly take a mental health day if necessary.

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GIRL. TELL ME ABOUT IT. I don’t know how I can work properly right now. I feel you. No one takes our mental health into account. It’s just business as normal.

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Sometimes I just have to take a personal day or even a half day. I get in the car and drive away from the city in a direction I’m not familiar with. Stop and get food somewhere new even if it’s crap. Drive home without checking email.

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Sending you love during this time ❤️ I can’t imagine what you are going through, but stay strong

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That’s unacceptable. While I hope your supervisors, partners and management would have the empathy to try to be proactive here, the fact is that many do not. Many partners are trying to change that now. I’m not intending to put part of the solution on you, but personally I would love to hear that from our team members and would hope to have created an environment where associates feel comfortable doing so. I think that partners having that sensitivity and creating an open line of communication with associates is critical for us to do our job and manage our teams effectively (and not just in the short term under the current scrutiny) to maintain a sustainable practice that relies on diverse attorneys. So, I would hope partners there would see it as you doing them a favor if you chose to open up to them about this.

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Thanks, one person in legal operations did ask what could be done better. I told him a bunch of things and he said that it was unacceptable that no one from my office or partners with whom I work reached out. I thought he’d tell some people to reach out. But radio silence.

I’ll likely leave the firm. I can’t work with my colleagues and not remember how much they didn’t care.

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Today, my boss told HR she did not understand what was going on and did not think it was that bad. I’m the only attorney. I’m in house. I just started. I’m ready to leave. There has been no statement and they do not plan to do one. The executives made that decision and the one executive of color stated she doesn’t bring her personal problems to work. I’m complete shocked.

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Hi all,

I’m going to talk with HR today to get a feel of the environment. My boss did put out a statement. However, the statement was a fumble. It did not reaffirm any of our company’s alleged values. Essentially, it was a letter saying 2020 was hard for everyone, they care about our well being, and here is a link to our online benefits for therapy. I really would like to talk to my boss but considering I’ve been here for 10 weeks puts me in a difficult place.

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I'm not black and I'm having difficulty focusing so I cannot imagine the impact this would have on someone with your context. I'm sorry.

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