{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Any real advice for staying in consulting working 60-70 hrs a week when you have a newborn + a partner who also has a demanding job? Is the only option really to outsource raising your kid? Advice from experience much appreciated", "post_id": "60ab97595b6c7200211bcd85", "reply_count": 24, "vote_count": 5, "bowl_id": "552d1d24dc1c586b09d2d051", "bowl_name": "Consulting" }

Any real advice for staying in consulting working 60-70 hrs a week when you have a newborn + a partner who also has a demanding job? Is the only option really to outsource raising your kid? Advice from experience much appreciated

likesmart
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I’ll say this. Not many non divorced directors and partners at my firm. You’re married, but to an entity and culture not a person. Life is like silt building up in a river bed until the river runs dry. Your choice, like the silt, build up over time and have consequences. Eventually you’ll reach a breaking point. Does your own ego about your job, masked by the fact you’re “doing it for them”, overpower time with your family? There’s no right or wrong answer. Just consequences and ripple effects to our decisions.

likesmart

Yes. Life has trade-offs; we can’t pretend it doesn’t. It stinks, but there’s not a way to be 100% in more than one or two areas. Choose what matters most.

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Repeating this is getting really tiresome … daycare is not “outsourcing” raising your child. You make the decisions, you set the boundaries, and you find a well-suited daycare (or nanny) to be your partner in that endeavor. It’s a fantastic way to socialize your kids and foster independence, and teach them how to get along with their classmates. We made lifelong friends through daycare, too. I don’t regret daycare one bit. What does get harder is the elementary years. I purposefully stuck to 40 hrs because I wanted to be around for the kids as much as possible. My spouse, too.

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When I was working in an office and traveling, it was soul sucking to be so social. I have WFH for several years now so the social aspect is great.

I have not met anyone in upper levels in consulting who is not the primary breadwinner. I’m not the primary, and I took a mostly internal facing role after having kids. No travel, mostly WFH, minimal client interaction, same pay, but slower advancement. I’m ok with the trade off.

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Same boat. Internal role, nanny for 50 hrs/wk. Still able to go to school plays and soccer games, so I know I made the right choice for my fam

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Yes. We used to have 90 hrs of childcare. Probably need to reframe, as it’s not going to help you (mentally) to refer to it as “outsourcing raising your kid”. You already work a full time job. If you’re interested in continuing to do that, you’ll need childcare for at least, if not more than, your working hours. This will allow you to fully focus at work while being able to dedicate focused, loving energy on your baby when you’re not working. Our kids love us so much. They also love their nanny. And they’re talking and socialising all day with fulfilled and (somewhat) rested caregivers and parents on a daily basis. And it’s good socialisation and good “separation” prep for when they start school.

likefunny

SM2 this article really resonated with me. When I was a kid my dad traveled abroad a lot for work. I really missed him and begged him not to go, but I also knew that he loved me and cared more about his family than work. So I turned out just fine. When he wasn’t traveling he would always tuck me in at night and tell me a story. Quality of time spent matters more than quantity.

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I know people who have outsourced it and not regretted it at all. One partner told me they spent 40% of their salary at that time on childcare. My family have made different choices.

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Life is about making the choices that are right for you at the time you’re making them, and learning to live with the results of those choices. Self-awareness and understanding of how you personally react to stress and what’s really important to you is really important - what will you regret more? The time spent at work away from your kids, or the time spent with the kids on a slower trajectory at work? And of course, your partner’s aspirations have an impact as well. No matter what you choose, you’ll be giving up something. Only you can decide what will work for you...and remember that you can always change course later if your first decision doesn’t go as planned.

uplifting

In my opinion as the mom of 2 kids, someone always has to be ready at a moments notice to take care of the kids. If both parents have a big “I can’t flex” job, then you do need childcare that can do that. My husband took a less demanding career so he is first contact on daycare call list. He works 45 hours a week. He enables my career- BCG would not be possible for me without him.

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Question as someone in a similar situation. Why do you want kids if you know u won’t be spending time with them / prioritize them?

BCG2: because the mornings, nights, weekends and vacations are magical

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Time to reassess your values, OP. Working this hard has its non-financial costs. You are wise to recognize them early and make any needed adjustments. Good luck!!

I work 60 hours a week and have a partner in a demanding job. We spend 6-8a with the kiddos, then again 5p-7:30p at night during the weeks. Nanny who can flex for 40plus hours a week. We cover for each other if either of us has early/late calls. We sacrifice on sleep - staying up later after they go to bed.

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