Any women here have issues feeling guilty/like it’s inappropriate to meet with male colleagues (for coffee/happy hour etc) when you are married? I am in my mid 20s and recently married. (Contd)

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I have had a long career as a female attorney, and would describe myself as fiercely independent. My spouse, my significant others have all understood that, as a professional, professional relationships are important to my career. As long as you keep your professional relationships professional and make sure your home life is a happy one, it should not be an issue. Just don't make it one.

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Tbh no. How are you approaching these interactions? If you ask a colleague for coffee to discuss work I don’t think they are going to get the wrong impression. Who cares what the waiter thinks? You could always have coffee in the office if that would make you more comfortable.

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Lolz, no Micgaela Pence. You need to chill.

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I think it is all about context. Meeting a coworker I’m friendly with for a coffee/happy hour catch up in a regular place — totally feel fine. Meeting a coworker for a cocktail that I notice is always trying to flirt/is a little too friendly — hard pass.

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As long as you and your husband are on the same page, there is no problem with this. My husband and I talked about this before we got married (he works in a female dominated field and I am in a male dominated one), and we said that as long as we were never “hiding” it from the other person and it was always a professional or friendly interaction, there was no problem with it. Don’t worry about what random, third parties think. As long as you and your husband are on the same page, that’s what is important.

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Unless you are Gigi Hadid, I wouldn’t worry about it. Male colleagues are not looking at their female colleagues as conquests. They are trying to make friends so they have more information and make a symbiotic relationship. If you are Gigi Hadid, please dm me, I can give you great representation:

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I hear what you’re saying, but I do not feel guilty or inappropriate. It’s networking. Some of my best friends are male, and my husband knew who he married so there’s no insecurity. Relationships vary, though. Is your husband/wife uncomfortable? If so, communicate about it. If you feel like a coffee/HH is getting inappropriate, then it probably is...

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And meeting other single men that are around my age always feels a little weird. Especially because it seems like bartenders, waiters, etc. assume that we are on a date. And I always worry that when I ask men to have coffee with me, they may get the wrong message.

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I always mention my spouse or the fact that I am married at the very beginning of meeting a new contact. Either this is effective or I am unattractive - but yep never get weird/flirty vibes. 😂

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I hang out with single guy friends pretty frequently so I've never put much thought to it. If you're married I feel like it's easier than being single and trying to set up casual meetings of this type and keep it professional /friendly with colleagues.

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Not really. Actually, because I am married I feel like it’s easier to approach/agree to these types of interactions without fear of someone misinterpreting my intentions.

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Depends where you work, culturally. It never occurred to me to be a problem, but I was at a conference with a female colleague at my same level in our firm’s Dubai office and she said it’s a major issue for her. Internally or externally, she could not invite a male client/coworker to a meal/drinks alone without it being hugely problematic.

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Aaaaaand that's why I dont live in Dubai.

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No problem with it and honest with my spouse about what’s going on. I give my spouse the same freedom.

A5, not necessarily accurate. I had a colleague who knew I was in a relationship. Had lunch with him regularly. He decided to move back to his home state and travel in Asia for weeks before starting his new job with the county. He asked me to go with him etc. That’s not the only time.

Nah no weirdness. I’m married and have met male colleagues for lunch, coffee, drinks, 1:1 business trips, etc. We keep it professional. If they step out of line, that’s on them and not on me. Those who get close enough- meaning we start discussing personal lives outside work- know I have a partner anyhow.

Listen to your gut, particularly if it’s a one on one encounter. People can deceive themselves that they need “to discuss business” over drinks when that is not the actual motivation. Such encounters also increase the chance that conversation will veer away from business to more personal matters and emotional intimacy increases. This will be an unpopular post but I say protect the marriage first.

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