Anybody have tips on modulating tone when stressed? I got an overall positive annual review, but an area of improvement was when I'm stressed, I can come across as irritated or short. Any tips?

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^ I'm going to disagree with this. We're paid to keep calm and talk about the tough stuff.

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Sounds dumb, but this works for me: when I'm stressed and someone has one more damn question, I take a deep breath and put a smile on my face before I answer. For me, it's difficult to sound mad or stressed if I do this. YMMV.

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But r u ok?

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🙄 what do they want you to be a robot? you're human. sounds like they just needed to put something negative on there to even it out.

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@ AA1: I sometimes see Seniors yelling at first year staff or SMs yelling at Seniors, etc. That's an internal interaction but still does not warrant a short temper. I treat my staff with the same respect as my clients.

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Fist fight them

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yelling is very different than 'being short' or 'coming across as irritated'. also makes me wonder if OP is a woman. 🤔🤔🤔 I agree that acting unprofessionally or disrespectful is never OK, but not being allowed to feel/express emotions is ridiculous.

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OP: I put in this context to keep the right frame of mind: the person asking the question is doing work for me. While it is sometimes annoying and frustrating, if they don't know what they are doing the extra 5 minutes now to explain it likely replaces hours of fixing, rework, and additional stress for you. I have found that if I take the time to really teach someone how to do this job, two things usually happen 1) they ask way less questions going forward, and 2) they are much more willing to work with me which will make your job easier when trying to get and keep good people on your jobs. Good luck!

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I pause and ask for some time to think. No harm in taking your time. It's always the initial response that people remember. Best to be cautious around that time.

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@ AA1: I don't think there's any mention of not being allowed to express emotions, rather the idea is to express them appropriately and in a controlled manner.

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paid to keep calm? I disagree. It's one thing with a client for sure. but internally, I think it's perfectly normal and acceptable to be and act stressed. maybe OP can say, 'sorry i'm overwhelmed or stressed' but I think it's OK to act stressed, annoyed, whatever. It's not OK to be disrespectful but being short? come on. If i saw that on my review I'd be pissed and I would let them know I disagree with that statement being on the review.

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Well if you're just stressed out, fine, but if you're so stressed out that you act unprofessionally? Not OK.

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Yup! Pause, take a breath. That extra second will help center you.

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^😂😂

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EY 7 - I wholeheartedly agree this can be annoying and lead to a huge time suck. That said, this person is probably coming to you because they trust you and respect the fact you know what you are doing. Assuming that is the case, I would set expectations with them for how and when you can help them. While they don't work for you now, they could at some point, and maybe the person they are working for now isn't teaching them. If you give them your time and truly teach them (including those on your current teams), you will ultimately end up with a group of individuals at various levels who WANT to work for you vs a group that feels they "have to" because of your level. As a senior, manager, sr mgr, or partner, having a group of people who want to kill it for you because they know you have their back is huge advantage and will no doubt allow you to progress in your career (public accounting or elsewhere) more rapidly. All that said, if the person is truly just lazy, or simply does not grasp the concepts, you do have cut bait. I used the 3 strikes rule - meaning if I they have turned it in three times and I have truly explained it twice but they still are not even close, I moved on without them. I found a few that didn't get it so far in my career, but the vast majority of new hires are smart and driven, they just needed direction and some one to teach them. Good luck.

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OP here, I am female for what it's worth. For some more detail, I do get stressed out at work and there is validity in this comment (although I do get that too often women are monitored on their tone). It was also indicated that my team actually appreciated how direct and energetic I am, so my challenge will be taking that extra beat when I am irritated/stressed.

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Do you feel stressed? Or they just say it in your review but you are fine.

Well obviously this topic is subjective and we would need more context but what would you say is the appropriate alternative to 'coming across as irritated' .. when you are irritated/stressed/overwhelmed?

I was (still am) one or those. Few things worked for me, understanding that I'm not the only one stressed, everyone had their own battles outside of work too. Also, I almost assume or expect others work to be up to my expected level, and I learned also that it doesn't always have to be. Just breathe. After work a good fap never hurt anyone either.

Eat your Wheaties in the morning, calm down and don't get stressed. It's just accounting after all.

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