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What would you have done if you were not working from home?
I think this depends on your definition of “pulling it off”. I know people who are doing it now, trying to stay under the radar, but it’s putting immense pressure on their teams because they’re not working traditional work hours. As a working mom with a full time working spouse, paying for child care is part of the gig. There are really good daycares that would probably surprise you. Think small programs with small classes. Our daycare/preschool feels like family to us and has been wonderful during covid.
Hopefully you take this as genuine feedback and not negative. I know it’s hard right now with small kids. I think you just have to think about your current career goals and make the right decision for your family.
Rising Star
You can’t pull it off. We have people that have tried (unsuccessfully) and they end up underperforming or letting their teams down. Daycare or a nanny is the way to go.
This will probably be an unpopular opinion, but my POV is that you are stealing from your firm if you cannot give full attention to the job similar to what you would have if working from a client site or in the office.
Rising Star
Tried in the beginning of the pandemic… we didn’t pull it off. You are literally working 24/7 and your sleep suffers, your mental health suffers, and to be completely honest - your kids suffer too because they aren’t getting 100% from you and aren’t getting the social support they need and crave.
This 100%
Military boarding school
I WFH 100% and spouse works full time out of the house. Kids are in school, and we even send our puppy to doggie daycare because I'd never get any work done otherwise. Too many interruptions.
It’s absolutely obvious when someone takes care of the kids during work. It doesn’t work. It should only happen during emergencies or when a kid is sick.
*parenting (not babysitting)
Chief
I don’t see how it would be possible to pull off without either family support, daycare or a nanny.
My experience was that I needed daycare in order to be successful. I have worked from home since 2012. You need to find what works for your family, but in my experience, trying to have a kid at home without help and a full time job is asking for pretty quick burnout or an inability to be successful at either role.
It’s possible in the short term, but you will need to make up for it by starting work earlier or working at night to put in the necessary time. Also need to coordinate who is watching the child when with your spouse based on meetings, calls, etc. In the long term, this will certainly lead to burn out. Child care is the way to go.
How old is the child?
Rising Star
With live anywhere the answer is to move to where the grandparents (free babysitters) are. Remember the scene in My Big Fat Greek Wedding where they are taking the kids to school and the car stops at the next house, then stops at the next house etc.
“Pulling it off” will eventually pull you apart. Childcare will offer you a greater quality of life. Decide how much money you are willing to part with for it and spend it. Think of it as an investment in your family’s happiness. Pulling it off is a short term survival strategy that many people had to implement during earlier days of the pandemic, but it’s not a viable long term plan. What’s that quote, “The way we learn to survive isn’t usually the way we should live.” Many people tried to go the route of not resuming normal childcare to save money because the added flexibility of wfh made this possible. What they saved in money they paid for in stress.
Pro
This WFH flexibility creating a real conundrum lol. How to avoid paying childcare, pet care, buying lunch and other expenses and still be productive at work, get promoted timely etc. Marry rich if you haven’t already or find a daycare/nanny you like.
I am on an incredibly flexible team with a 3 year old at home. I now use a shared babysitting arrangement 3 days a week. Before we found that arrangement, it was incredibly hard on my son, because even though my arrangement is very flexible, I needed to be available for client calls during the day. My son began to act out and have tantrums everytime I sat down at my computer bc he felt sad no one was playing with him. Some of it was related to pandemic loneliness for him but kids are just not programmed to appreciate sustained alone time on demand. I was never so overwhelmed and stressed in my life. Now, I do have friends where the wife is online from 5 am to 1 pm and the husband is online from 1 pm to 9pm- but is that REALLY worth it? I would strongly suggest you find an arrangement where the kid gets interactive time with a caretaker/other kids.
We had someone years ago -- older woman that took care of our daughter at home while I was here. It helped. She didn't stay forever -- she was like Nanny MacPhee, when you need me I'll be there and then she kind of decided when you didn't need her anymore (I think she didn't like kids past the age of 1 truthfully -- they get mobile and are more work). So we did need to go the daycare route for a bit.
Also I hired a Mother's Helper at one point (a neighborhood girl who took a babysitting course) I saw she had a flyer and contacted her -- she lived down the road...and she was the best thing ever. She'd come in after school and during the summer for a lot more hours and they'd do arts and crafts together and play in the backyard. She was terrific -- such a sweet kid. It took the pressure off of me so I could work -- and I was wfh so despite having a 12 year old who is too young to supervise a young'un on her own with no adult present - it was a safe set up. If you know anyone in the neighborhood maybe ask around.
That said, I'd definitely recommend you to get help. It is next to impossible to do your work work and keep your child content. I tried it and hated the mother I became trying to manage a stressful deadline with a young child needing attention.
Grandparents.
This is why the entire immediate family lived together as a family unit under one roof. Grandparents were primarily responsible for taking care of small children along with the childrens’ mother. That’s no longer the case, as its almost necessary to have two incomes therefore the mother typically has to work. However, even with two parents working, grandparents can be great resources. They even enjoy looking after their grandchildren and most are retired are close to by the time you have children so it gives them something to do. Again, this is no longer the case as most people live separately from their parents in the US from an early age and living with parents is not looked favorably due to programming and lobbying over decades by the real estate industry.
In short, ask your parents. Help them out with expenses and have them look after your children if they would like. Think about it this way, would you rather a complete stranger teach your kids behaviors, habits, and ideas rather than your own parents? At least with your parents, you know their safe and that they will grow up properly with a good foundation.
Good luck.
M1 - they should want to help out. Guess it’s not the same in every culture
I did it out of desperation in 2020 when my kids’ schools were shut down. It is a really terrible idea. Not only is it hard to work and focus, you also can’t give your kids the attention they need. Daycare is 100x better than this plan.
Depends the age and if you have other help but I don’t think it’s sustainable. During the height of the pandemic we kept our 1 1/2 yo home with us for 10 months. We had help about 2-3 days per week from grandparents and we still found ourselves working a lot of evenings after he went to bed or waking up early.
I imported my mother in law to help out…