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Rising Star
I would not still be a lawyer if it wasn’t for my fellow associates. I’ve seen some senior associates throw very young associates under the bus, but those situations have been the exception.
I hope you find a better fit for you. I truly don’t think this is the case at all firms.
Go to HR and deal with this head on so it can be handled confidentially. If the person who threw you under the bus is your superior, you can be assured they will remark upon this in their review of you to cover themselves. If that happens, you’ll have little recourse to defend yourself, and especially in this environment, a negative review can be justification for your removal.
As an aside, I would recommend that you separate your personal and professional lives, and not seek friendship from your colleagues. Of course you should be friendly and collegial, which should help buffer you when negative interactions arise.
Yes, biglaw is mentally draining, but don’t stop being kind to others. Just play the game. It sounds like your peers already are.
What do you mean by stabbing you in the back?
Might be a firm or group culture issue. Do your friends in other groups at the same firm have similar experiences?
Like others have said I think this varies widely by firm. I almost never feel this way dealing with people at my firm, and it seems like there’s a background expectation that we should be friendly if not friends with each other. It’s “hire people who you would want to be working on a fire drill at 2am with” mentality
Ill chime in along with the others and say that it must be a culture thing that varies across firms. I think the associates in my practice group are pretty cool (with the exception of one guy who is a tool, but that’s not a bad ratio overall). I couldn’t really imagine doing this job without having some level of emotional support from my peers. Our partners are generally good people, but can be be pretty brutal to associates at times. I’m sorry that your colleagues are being so uncool.