Anybody’s mom and husband don’t get along? Lol running out of ideas to have them get along. I have a newborn and my mum is here to help with him, and she and my husband don’t get along. Love my husband, he’s great and very helpful with the baby and for me as well in terms of emotional support (postpartum has been harder on me than I thought) but he and mum don’t see eye to eye. Some points of difference- mum is super religious whereas he’s atheist etc etc

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If you and his mom didn't get along, what would you want to see from him? You chose him to be your family. Unless he's being a jerk, I'd take your mom to back off and respect the father of your child.

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Well it’s not that I don’t respect him. In fact, I defend him with my mum.
But I would like them to atleast be cordial and not cold with eo

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Honestly, I was in the opposite situation and had to make it clear that our immediate family must always come first. Parents tend to be too involved and emotional in our families and it puts stress on everyone. Not putting your husband/wife first tends to cause long term damage to a marriage IMO and that must be prioritized. Especially postpartum as there are new rules being written.

I’d tell my mom to get on board or she could keep her distance.

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Yes. 100%. My mom can be difficult to handle - selfish, messy, not good with kids, etc. My husband truly struggles with her visits in our home - and all in all, he’s my husband and this is our home and children so I’ve decided what needs to happen is boundaries and limitations on any overnight visits bc his mental health in our home is #1, not my mom coming to visit.

And I agree with ur last statement, just be honest with your mom that there needs to be boundaries - it’s better for everyone’s relationship.

Similar positions and what has helped us setting some boundaries. My husband is not allowed to talk bad about my mom to me (and vice versa). Like I don’t need to know for the 1000th time what you don’t like about my mom.

Obviously if it’s something that needs to be addressed it’s different, but not petty stuff. Ask both of them to respect that they are two people you truly love and care about and you shouldn’t be put in the middle.

Postpartum is crazy, he needs to also appreciate her help a little- aside from their differences.

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We struggled with this (my mom was in the wrong but my husband was unforgiving and really should have just sucked it up). I can’t remember what terrible family event it was that allowed then to get over it.

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Lol I feel the same way about my husband but I am bearing the brunt of it - like I need to listen to my mum complain about him and it’s frustrating more so bc I literally have a 3 week old and am going through some postpartum crisis myself

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I have been where you are and it is awful. I finally told my mom that my husband and kids were my priority and she could stop complaining about my husband, or she was going to force me to make a choice, that would not go her way. She tested me and I made her fly home from a visit four days early. It was a shock to her, but it mostly worked. She still gets snotty sometimes but mostly holds it in.

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Relationships change when there is a new baby and grandparents don't always know boundaries unless you are specific sometimes. Make sure your mum knows her place (she's grandma, not parent and that's awesome). If this is her 1st grandchild, it's an adjustment.
You and husband are a team! Make sure that's the case in decisions about baby. Make sure he knows he's doing great, even if he doesn't do things exactly the way you do. First babies mean lots of anxiety!

How long has your mom been there and how long is she planning on staying? That may be part of the issue if she’s wearing out her welcome in his own home.

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