{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Anyone decide not to BF right out the gate? Please no judgement I have made no decision yet. Halfway through pregnancy and already tired of sharing my body, and husband and I want to share feeding duty equally (ie not with me pumping / being attached to baby). I realize there are significant benefits to BF which I wouldn’t take lightly in the decision just hoped to hear from anyone else who opted out from the start.", "post_id": "60167b758dd08e0027849276", "reply_count": 43, "vote_count": 4, "bowl_id": "58f81646ae9f610010f869be", "bowl_name": "Consulting Moms" }

Anyone decide not to BF right out the gate? Please no judgement I have made no decision yet. Halfway through pregnancy and already tired of sharing my body, and husband and I want to share feeding duty equally (ie not with me pumping / being attached to baby). I realize there are significant benefits to BF which I wouldn’t take lightly in the decision just hoped to hear from anyone else who opted out from the start.

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I sort of had the attitude that I would try BF and see how it went, and I had similar concerns that you are feeling about having my body not have to be shared. I ended up breastfeeding for the first two weeks and then pumping for a few months before switching to formula. One of the biggest advantages for me that I never really understood the importance of was in facilitating bonding during those early days. My delivery ended in an emergency C-section- and when they gave him to me I had a really hard time reconciling that this little screaming creature was my child. It didn’t happen automatically (like I thought it would). BFing at the beginning helped me get past that weird surreal feeling and allowed me to feel closer to my newborn. When he was home with me for the next couple weeks I really struggled with anxiety. It was so hard to know what I was supposed to do. When I BFd him, I felt more at ease. It helped get my supply in but we had some issues so I ended up pumping until I felt ready to stop. Obviously there is no “correct” answer and you’ll have to do what feels right for you- but I wanted to share how even though I did it only a short while it had huge benefits for me

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BF didn’t work for me, so I exclusively pumped for 3 months. It was great in some ways (mostly that she got those coveted antibodies from BM and that we knew how much she was eating so she slept well pretty early) but it took a huge mental health toll and I quit at 3 months. We have a bit of a stash but now she’s 75% formula fed. A healthy mom (not sad, upset, exhausted, etc) is just as important as providing food for your baby. You’ll get a lot of shit for going to formula immediately, and for going to formula before the first year. Because blah blah BM is sooooooo good for the baby and blah blah antibodies blah blah. But, I’ve never seen a study suggest actual outcomes showing any real difference between BF and formula babies (no IQ difference, no difference in length of life, no quality of life difference, etc.). Do you know if you were BF? Your SO? We didn’t know if we were until we got pregnant and asked our parents. Because it’s utterly irrelevant. Fed is best. Thank you for coming to my TED talk

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So much this. Even our pediatrician told us that it was completely okay for me to stop pumping anytime if it was keeping me from properly bonding with baby.

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I would suggest keeping an open mind about trying it. Breastfeeding has been the most wonderful part of motherhood for me (and I didn’t think I’d like it).

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I have breastfed two babies till 6 months, struggled with both and pumped non-stop. Was never able to exclusively bf. I stuck w it bc I felt like my MIL was judging me. We will have a 3rd and that baby will be 100% formula fed. I look forward to not stressing about it and also have my daughters help with their sibling. No judgement, you do you!

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I’d suggest trying it - you don’t know if it will be easy or a struggle. If it comes easily for you (it was for me) I thought it was way easier than dealing with bottles. Pumping for when I had to be away from baby/return to work is when it became a big hassle. I would never judge anyone for not pumping.

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Also echoing SC2 below - it helped me feel really confident/competent as a mom and even powerful. I can see the opposite happening if it doesn’t go well and you’ve put a lot of pressure on yourself. But you’ll never know unless you try.

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I have a 4 month old. I chose to exclusively formula feed while I was still pregnant. I am very type A and didn’t want to spend too much time post partum stressed about breast feeding (am I doing it long enough, producing enough, etc). So I took it all off the table. I feel great about the decision. I did a lot of research and use a European formula (HiPP Dutch). I feel great about what I am feeding my baby and do not regret my decision for a second. It has also helped my husband feel close to the baby because he is equally responsible for feeding the baby. It’s great to split the duties and the bonding for us all has been wonderful.

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Ah thank you, you sound very much like me :)

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I had a kiddo with a cleft so we couldn’t. Slightly different circumstance but same outcome. It was hard, and stopping pumping was ultimately the best decision I think I’ve ever made for my mental health. Making sure YOU are ok is paramount, and formula is a reasonable choice. Good luck mama ❤️

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Fed is best.

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I’m pregnant as well and considering the same so would love to hear others opinions. Thinking about feeding colostrum in the hospital and switching to formula at home

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I didn’t decide out of the gate but I had a lot of issues with BF and milk production. I never was able to even exclusively bf or feed with just breast milk so I always had formula in the mix (hubby did the night feed when we didn’t have the night nurse). It was so stressful and I stopped around 3 months. Def had a lot of guilt but it was what was right for me/my body and I def have a stage 5 clinger at 17mo 😁. I’d say do what feels right for you! The tail end of pregnancy, birth, and post partum is stressful enough! I’d also recommend Emily Oster’s book, expecting better, Bc she talks a lot about formula vs bf with data based arguments on both (she also does that in crib sheet, her second book) and sort of dispels the myths of Bf only

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My baby is 6 weeks old, and I have been breastfeeding and pumping, supplement with formula occasionally. It’s one of the most difficult things I’ve done. After been thru this, I wouldn’t judge anyone who choose to use formula. It’s a personal choice about what works for you and your baby. Anyone who judges has no idea what BF means and has no place to judge. So you do you!

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No judgment! I had zero plans and I thought I wouldn’t bf if it wasn’t clicked. And I missed my body. And yes it is hard and very demanding it turned out to be a journey I really enjoyed.

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We are hoping to have a third and I had wanted to go in with plan to go straight to formula. Breastfeeding has never worked well for me and I strongly agree on sharing the burden equally (and being able to unload baby onto others too, e.g., grandma). I’m not pregnant yet so too soon to tell, but if covid is still going strong I might breastfeed/pump just because I’d be so worried/guilty since they claim you give baby your immunity. If covid is done I might just pass on the breastfeeding entirely

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Yes, that’s right. Just to clarify my point- the baby can only get passive immunity from you if you have the antibodies for COVID (from exposure or vaccine). And yes, those benefits are short-lived

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It’s totally your call. I breastfed for 18 months. Thought I would hate it, but I liked it. The only thing I hated was pumping. I probably would have quit BF sooner, but covid meant I was home all day with my baby and bf was easy for us at that point. There’s pros and cons both ways. It’s definitely a challenge for everyone at first snd it’s a big time commitment. I’m pregnant again and planning to bf, but I am cool with formula feeding, too if that’s what plays out. I do think it gets really easy to breastfeed after a while. People make it out to be this horrible, hard thing (it definitely CAN be). But you might find it’s pretty easy and effortless after a while.

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Highly recommend Peds Doc Talk podcast episode with Emily Oster if you are feeling any guilt about not BFing!

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Thank you!

I tried BF with my first, but he couldn’t latch. So switched to pumping and supplementing with formula. But man is it rough! With Baby 2 coming, I decided I’ll give BF a solid shot in the hospital while I have help from nurses, but if it’s not working, then we’re going right to formula when we get home. Those first few weeks/months are so hard taking care of new baby, and BF/pumping is never as easy as you imagine it will be. I thought, “this is how we evolved to feed our babies and maintain our species, how hard can it be??” Well, let me tell you, evolution was freaking dumb when it decided this is how feeding was going to work. It should NOT be this hard to get started! If you don’t want to do it, that’s awesome. Happy mom, happy baby! You might buy a cheap hand pump to express milk at the beginning just if your milk comes in and it’s painful. Pump just enough to ease the pressure, and your body will quickly get the signal that baby isn’t needing it and slow down production.

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Maybe because we don't live naked in small communities anymore where we can see women breastfeeding all the time and learn as we grow up, plus have the support 24/7. Now we are expected to do it alone with a man plus keep up the house and cooking etc

First of course, congratulations! 💗 it is completely up to you, and whatever works best for your family! So far, I’ve had a really easy time breastfeeding. I have a three month old who is gaining weight and I’ve yet to introduce a bottle. I’m a single mom so I will be up for the feeds no matter what, but it’s been a lot easier than I anticipated. Without the rush to get back to work I would take your time to see what you prefer. Formula is also great! my twin siblings were exclusively formula fed as well as some little ones I know who are healthy, talkative, and completely adorable 🥰

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My sister and I are formula babies (adopted) and so when her kids were born she formula feed out of the gate. The whole family was 100% behind her which gave her the strength to tell the doctors and nurses that she wasn’t BF. You will still get comments but as long as you are cool with your decisions know Feed is Best!

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We didn’t opt out, but some of our friends did, and they have no regrets. A healthy baby is a fed baby, whether it is breast, formula, pumped, whatever. And BFing is tough, hard as hell, and not enjoyable to me at all. I did some with both kids, and when I gave my permission to dial it back, it was a huge relief. Doing something that works for you and your baby is really important. Hugs!

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I had so many issues with breastfeeding right out of the gate and I think it was a significant contributor to my ppd (hated pumping and triple feeding took so much time that I was barely sleeping). Some people have a really smooth ride though and it makes your life easier just being able to throw the kid on your boob. I would say give it a shot if you are on the fence about it and if it’s not going well then bail. And bail a lot quicker than I did! I tried for 3 months and I told my husband next time, we are trying for one month and if it’s going the same then I’m done.

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My sister breastfed her first and didn't/couldn't with her second and she is a great proponent for doing what makes sense for you. She does say that breastfeeding can actually be easier at the start if your baby takes to it easily -- less bottles to clean and fewer supplies for feedings in the middle of the night. That being said, she had appreciated being able to skip out on pumping the second time around and dole out the feeding responsibilities more evenly. And seconded on Emily Oster -- that woman is the patron saint of logical motherhood and I would give her a massive hug if I ever got to meet her in real life.

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