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"post_content": "Anyone else struggle with being truly present with their kid(s)? I feel like I’m on my phone constantly, I wish I wasn’t. I just reach for it all the time, Vs enjoying my 21 month old toddler who will only be this young for such a short time. Feeling like crap- let me know what helped you!",
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Yes! What helps me is to segment into buckets - there are times when I want to completely focus (say, for an hour at a time) and I’ll put my phone in the other room on silent. Then there are times when I allow myself to multitask or look at my phone. Scheduling that time and giving myself parameters has been helpful.
Mentor
Yes! I am purposeful about spending the focused time. If we are playing a board game or going for a walk (for example), I leave my phone in the other room (or in my pocket if we are outside). And other times I don’t let myself feel guilty (the kids are playing independently and I’m looking at my phone).
This is great advice, especially the part about not feeling guilty for scrolling when the kids are otherwise engaged. There are a lot of articles about the value of “quality” over “quantity” of time with kids and I think the logic applies here too - kids don’t need us to be 100% engaged and hovering over them during their every waking moment as long as they are getting an appropriate amount of “present” time so they feel loved, heard and supported.
I have to be intentional about keeping my phone away so I can remain present. Don’t feel bad about getting a quick break in though! We just started screen time for our toddler so we’re all on our devices for a bit
Great post! I almost feel phone is my one way of getting a break! With our daycare closed, my 11 mo is always with us and I am juggling managing home, my kid and try to get some work done so it’s non stop and phone helps me to divert my attention or frustration. The suggestions are so helpful! Thank you…
Yes. My son is now a teenager, but when he was younger what helped me most was to find things I truly enjoy to do with him. I realized I found a lot of things that are catering kids really really boring, so I made sure to figure out what I would actually like. For me. So when he was a toddler, for example, he didn't watch any tv, except for a few programs which we watched together (I definitely didn't like the idea of tv/screen time being a way of just not paying attention to him). But children's stuff, in my view, is terribly boring. Found this program that caters toddlers specifically which I actually LOVE. I wouldn't mind watching it myself. And that's the only screen thing we did, which we actually did together and we both enjoyed. I loved relaxing in an indoor pool we had access to in the community center, so we spent a lot of time there (the kid actually learned how to swim before he learned how to walk). I enjoy strolling through the park, so we did that with him. As soon as he could walk, he walked with us even if it was slower, so we were actually doing it together. In the end, i found that he would enjoy pretty much most of what we did if we were enthusiastic about it. Same with board games, I refused to play the ones I find dreadfully boring. Point is, when I like the activity I'm doing with the kid (this still works today), I'm less likely to want to divert to the phone or anything else.
Turn your notifications on your phone off. That has helped me tremendously. I was picking my phone up every time something popped up. I also deleted some of my social media accounts. I picked 2 to keep but got rid of the ones I would click on in boredom.
I could have written this post. I was just talking to my husband about it. I am trying to assign “focus” time, where my phone is somewhere else and the TV is off. Starting with maybe a 15 min play session a few times a day and working my way up to longer time chunks. He’s 10 months old so his attention span isn’t to long anyways. I’ve implemented this for a few days now and feel a lot better! I am intentional with the time and make sure to be present and he seems to really enjoy it too!
Great thread, I feel this and suffer from mom guilt. Glad to know I’m not alone!
Yes I feel so guilty and don’t even know how I manage to work up the amount of hours of screen time my phone says I do.
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I put my phone on the charger in the other room for pockets of time to play or I even leave it at home if we walk to the playground for a bit. Makes me feel less guilty for multitasking when I can least say I had 30-60 minutes of dedicated play time with them.
This is a daily struggle for me. With the new year, I put controls in place on my phone to limit my time on social and entertainment apps each day. So far, it’s helped me be more conscious of my usage and made me aware of my natural instinct to go for the phone - and I’ve actually been spending time doing things with my kids. I’ve got 2 small ones too and realized they always see me with the damn thing in my hand and I don’t want them to think this is the norm! You have to get to the point where you’re sick of seeing yourself immersed in your device. Good luck!
I was so addicted to my phone that I had to place it above my fridge until after I put the kids down to bed. I hate that I wasted so much time that I had with them.