Anyone feel like you’ve become less conversationally/emotionally intelligent after working in big law? Before BL I used to be so charismatic, entertaining, and quick-witted, which I believe helped me get the job. Now I’m just numb to anything but work. I feel like this should be going in the opposite direction.

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This is one of the reasons I regularly meet up with friends who are not lawyers. So important to get out of the bubble and keep things in perspective.

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The job is fundamentally social - calls, mentoring, internal politics are all social exercises where good social skills can at least add pleasantness, but the concerns of lawyers are fairly specific and narrow so yes, hard second the need for regular non lawyer socialization. Friends or just strangers. Chat up grocers and cabbies and nurses and waiters, whatever. Stay anchored in other people.

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Yes 100% agree with you. Now, I'm more awkward in social settings. Spending 70 hours in an office a week staring at a screen will impact your social skills. It's one of the many negative consequences of biglaw that are little talked about. Honestly, I think it's just cognitive burnout. We work too much.

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What is the minimum number of billable hours per year you’d accept for biglaw pay?

Are you me? I’m such a giant loser now and legitimately feel like I don’t know how to socialize anymore.

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I moved from midlaw to biglaw. I definitely lost some social and emotional intelligence along the way.

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A6, this totally depends on your firm/group/team/etc. I think in general you'd bill less in midlaw. I probably averaged about 1500 a year in midlaw.

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Yes, your personality recovers once you leave tho and as others said you can fight this. I tried to consume a lot of (short) good books and befriended artists. That helped a lot.

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This only gets worse as you move along in your career. The best advice is to make an effort to completely turn off your professional brain after you get home or stop working. It is hard but you have to find a boundary. My wife says I was impossible to deal with until I developed my "silly Dad" personality when our kids were born. It really saved me. I am basically more silly dad than lawyer these days but I can turn on lawyer very easily.

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I’ve know several very good lawyers like that, they have more fun and build better rapport with clients than your averaged clenched counsel.

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I would think the opposite ought to be the case (and think it is for me). Are you still working fully remote? Maybe that's related?

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I feel like I have become the opposite in order to navigate the internal politiking.

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I think I’ve become the opposite! I spend longer around people each day now and there are so many events to go to.

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My theory is that the hours are so taxing that we lose our ability to interact like normal people.

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What can I do

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Additional Posts in Big Law

Has anyone ever told a partner that they are being disrespectful by screaming at you or scolding you for something that isn’t true? I know other professionals respect when someone doesn’t back down or stands up for themselves but it seems that big law is the opposite.

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Why are the Vault practice area rankings so inconsistent with Chambers?

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Has anyone successfully claimed that income from a NY big law firm is not NY income based on TSB-M-06(5)I (May 15, 2006)? I think that my situation meets all the factors necessary. I am going to claim that the income should be sourced from Texas—I worked out of the Houston office from time to time while there. I was in Texas for more than half the year.

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If biglaw makes so much money, why dont most partners retire at like 50?

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I've been noticing a new trend in biglaw passive aggressiveness: Adding a question mark to a non-question when you're following up on something. E.g., "Hi X, just wanted to check in on Y as the client would like to see a draft as soon as possible? When can we expect this?"

And to the people who do this... why?

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If you had (1) a Big Law offer (year four) which would be a step up from your current firm or (2) could go directly in-house (which is your eventual plan), what would you choose to do? Get additional experience with bigger clients or move in-house?

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Anyone else HOPING people get laid off? I’m at a V3 satellite office and there are some real bozos here.

My firm doesn’t like to lay ppl off because it hurts recruiting but I think it’s necessary….

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There’s always a Delaware entity in every financing deal so there’s always a need for a Delaware opinion. Why don’t more big firms open tiny offices there and just keep that stuff in-house rather than refer it one the shops there? No offense to RLF, Dorsey, Morris Nichols, etc.

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Anybody have information on Barnes & Thornburg’s salary information in Atlanta?

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How would you ask to transfer to another office within your firm?

I lateraled from one firm in city A to another firm city B. During the interview process, I made a big deal about how I badly I wanted to be in B, despite only being barred in A. They hired me, paid for my bar courses, the works.

Now I find myself in a position where I need to leave B due to personal issues. Thinking of going to DCso I can just waive in.

It's been less than a year since I've joined; is it too soon to ask this?

My partner lateraled as a senior associate (now a 7th year) and hasn't yet received clear direction on ascension to partnership. Curious what your firms have told you about pathways to partnership? Are you eligible to be made partner as a 9th year? What factors go into consideration? Are you expected to generate business before you achieve partner? How much?

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Do your firms have a billing code you use if you don’t get enough billable hours in the day? Like say you only billed 6 hours one day. What do I do about the other 2 hours?

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Work has recently picked up, and I now have 3 live deals with regular morning meetings. As a junior associate, what should I do when I see semi-urgent emails when I am on a meeting for another matter taking notes?

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Hanging v. not hanging diplomas in office?

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Sometimes I scroll through here and see posts that easily could have been written by me, and I just hope my seniors aren’t scrolling through thinking the same 😬

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