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Yes, but it took good communication skills to get there. We both certainly didnât start off that way.
Chief
Yes đ„° they exist. And Iâm so lucky to be married to one of them. But theyâre hard to find and sometimes get overlooked because they might not make as much, or arenât tall enough, or are older, or doesnât check off all/most of the things on a superficial list. You also need to tell them what it is you want. Donât drop hints. Donât play games. Communication and honesty and commitment and standing up for yourself will help get you to a partnership.
The only quality I looked for was kindness. Someone that was kind to me and to others. (I wouldnât check off a lot of items on a superficial list either, but my SO doesnât make me feel less than, and he sticks up for me when others put me down.)
Yea, itâs called a partnership. Not a man helps you. You help each other!
I have one! But I consider myself very lucky. Heâs currently watching Harry Potter with me even though I know itâs definitely not something he generally enjoys. But heâs doing it for me (without ever actually saying that).
Yes, we split housework in a way we both find fair (he does the food shopping, meal planning and cooking, and I do the rest, with some help if I need it). We do things the other one likes even when we donât and help each other through problems. Enjoying hearing about your day is too much to ask tho lol for both of us. We do the courtesy of listening but I donât think either of us actually enjoys most of it. Works for us though
Courtesy listening is such a real thing. My bf and I have accepted the âmmhmmâ answer as valid conversation participation, works for us, too!
Yes!! Theyâre out there but theyâre hard to find. You deserve someone who lifts you up and brings something to the table.
My husband is a saint. He is so laid back and loves all of me, even when Iâm crazy. He is a neat freak and does more cleaning than me. He makes the kidsâ breakfast and lunches for school every morning. Iâve gone on girlsâ trips to Mexico when our kids were small. He is a partner in every way.
Yes! I am so thankful. Tonight I had a lot to do because we are having some people over tomorrow night and tomorrow is my first day back at the office (feels so confusing thinking about what I need to go in!), and he started baking the cupcakes for tomorrow and cleaned the whole kitchen without me even saying a word! đ
I would suspect that each person who answered "yes" is communicative with their partner. We agreed upfront to talk to each other about anything that bothers us so that we don't bottle it and create resentment. We also created a safe space to ask each other for help when needed. Speak up. Don't just expect everything to be done for you. That should go both ways.
This!! I wasnât always communicative, and ended up carrying more weight and being resentful for it. Just got to talk!!!
Yes, but I also consider myself incredibly lucky. Itâs not the norm among my friends and family. Agreed that communication is key. Itâs also a mutual respect and genuine selflessness that we both have for each other.
Seeing all these positive replies gives me hope. Thanks yâall â€ïž
I also have one- heâs amazing!! He does the laundry more than I do and cooks when Iâm too tired even though itâs my turn. My favorite thing about him is that he will watch reality tv with me and listen to me talk about the housewife fights lol. Itâs a give and take. I will walk the dog more often and watch baseball with him even though it bores me to tears.
They exist! I met him my first week in college and I married him. Weâve been together over 10 years now! I cook and do laundry and he cleans. I left PA and just recently came back to it. Iâve been working so much and he ALWAYS makes sure I eat something or get sleep. Heâs the best!
Love hearing about other working moms coming back to crz!!! đđđ
Yes, my fiancé does all of this + some.
Rising Star
Nope. Not me đ
I feel like Iâm halfway between you OP and a lot of the posters on this thread. I have a real partner who does a LOT of domestic labor. He probably carries the load tbh. I think we struggle because I would rather let the housework go and enjoy the precious hour or so a day I have with our kids, whereas he often feels like I can do that because heâs doing the cooking and laundry. I think we BOTH want to take care of the other and support the other but weâre alsoâŠso exhausted haha. We can barely get to us, let alone our partner. I only came to say that when people say communicate, I think it is honest work to think about what it is that you want that youâre not getting (and be real and honest and direct with yourself about it) so also real honest work to figure out how to communicate that in a way that your partner can hear. Donât have these arguments with yourself in your head all by yourself. Discuss openly with your partner. Give them a chance to enter in. You might be doing all these things to support your partner but maybe the best way you can support your relationship is by working to be clear about what you need that only they can provide. Expecting them to know how to jump in isnât always fair (even if we really wish they could).
Pro
đđŒ I do and Iâm grateful every day
Absolutely! We not only love, but like eachother and truly partner together in our lives. I strongly believe to sustain great things, we have to work hard and marriage is one of those things. In our 12 years together, we have had times/years where one of us does more and the other less depending on the circumstance, but we have figured it out together. It has certainly not been easy and there have been some periods together where I was seriously considering divorce, but what I have been reminded of through this pandemic is that I do not want to do this life journey without him and we are much better together.
Rising Star
Yes. We have been married for almost 17 years, and have a bunch of kids. I am terrible at domestic stuff, other than the kids. He is an amazing cook ,and he does tend to clean up after me, though I do try to not leave messes.
But here's the thing. No marriage is perfect and never will be. And we fought a lot during the first five years especially, about these issues. Once he realized he was stressed because his mom was going to complain and gossip about the state of house, even if perfect, he relaxed and so did I.
Yes they exist! My boyfriend is incredible. He asks about my how my day is going at lunch every single day. I try to remember to text him before he does me sometimes but he wants to know. Iâve been really evaluating my career and he is completely supportive and a sounding board and I to him as he is looking to go back to school. We donât live together yet but he does things around my place already and I to his to help out. If I really want to do something and he doesnât and I donât have another friend to go with he will happily come along, but also is really great at giving space to have friendships with other people too. We both are intentional about it and would not be in our relationship if we werenât.
Check out the work of Esther Perel. She suggests itâs a fallacy to expect our partner to be all things to us. Itâs been a really helpful perspective shift for me.