{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Anyone have a relationship with a guy who is struggling financially? Our relationship is about a year old and feeling serious but he is kind of refusing to pick a career path. And I had to loan him $550 for some car repairs. Do y’all think he’s ready to be a husband if he doesn’t have $550 in the bank or an emergency credit card? This man is 33. I am an attorney. Not a well paid one, but I got my shit together and I think he should too", "post_id": "614cda6fcd5461002b15e59c", "reply_count": 9, "vote_count": 4, "bowl_id": "5da60c126e5f0d001f32f497", "bowl_name": "Women in Law" }

Anyone have a relationship with a guy who is struggling financially? Our relationship is about a year old and feeling serious but he is kind of refusing to pick a career path. And I had to loan him $550 for some car repairs. Do y’all think he’s ready to be a husband if he doesn’t have $550 in the bank or an emergency credit card? This man is 33. I am an attorney. Not a well paid one, but I got my shit together and I think he should too

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I wouldn’t. I make much more than my husband, so it’s not about money really. It’s about lack of direction and an ability to take care of himself. What was his plan if you hadn’t loaned him the $550? I assume since you said that he refuses to pick a career path his financial situation is self inflicted and not the the result of a misfortune or set of circumstances beyond his control. I would assume that a man who cannot take care of himself when he is single is only going to get worse as a husband. I don’t need to take on a dependent. I need a partner who can help me. That has little to do with money, if my husband quit his job tomorrow we’d be fine but he’d still be a net help to my life. Because he manages his life and helps with mine. Is your guy going to be able to do that? If he’s 33 and in a precarious situation by choice I personally would doubt it.

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I have had so many friends, family friends, and clients date/marry men like this and it does NOT change. They really don't just wake up one day with actual ambition or drive and are more than happy to have a second mommy who can always be there to pick them up. If it's not even actually serious yet (just "feeling serious"), cut your losses and end it now. Don't bother with giving him any sort of ultimatum either, because he might try for like a month and then go back to being rudderless. People like this need to have to want better for themselves on their own, otherwise you're just signing up for loaning more money and hearing about how miserable his job is and he wants to do something else but being non-committal about any other options for the foreseeable future. Since it sounds like this is already rubbing you the wrong way, find someone more compatible with you who is more driven. He doesn't need to have a traditionally "good" job or make more money than you, but he should either be content with the direction his life is going or in the process of taking reasonable, concrete steps to improve it, and be able to be financially independent.

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Please leave now. I married someone like this and he is entitled to a LOT. It's going to take me years to build my savings back up. Expecting an adult to be able to look after themselves financially is not a high standard, it's a minimum.

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Financial security and healthy financial habits are important to me so I have never dated a guy like that and wouldn’t.

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Is he in school? What does he do for work?

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No he’s not in school. He works at a cabinet making factory. He makes 13 and hour with a lot of overtime where he makes time and half. He keeps saying it’s not what he wants long term but won’t take any steps to do something better.

Tough one if he isnt ready to take a serious look and make steps for himself what makes you think he is ready to fully commit to being your partner (financially and emotionally). I think men generally are immature but if he knows you are always financially there to bail him out chances are he will get complacent and continue to skirt away from responsibility. Have had friends date guys with similar MOs and also had my own similar bf when I was younger. It didnt work out for me or many others because somewhere along the line you will get tired of pulling all the weight and giving chances that never actually manifest into action for this person.

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Thanks everybody ❤️ this truly sucks but I appreciate your wisdom

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As an update—the decision has kind of been made for me because he got arrested today. And he had a bunch of outstanding warrants. As a side note, let me know if anyone knows good to pull warrants in texas.

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