Anyone have any advice on how to unlearn some of the unhealthy work habits one has developed from a previous job? I moved in-house from a big agency a couple months ago (best decision I’ve made), but I still feel like my work style is still the same as it was when I was working at the agency (ie: being a pushover, afraid of saying no, working late, etc). I’m working on it in therapy, but curious to hear everyone’s experience here and how they were able to change these habits.

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I saw something insightful - your 100% might be way more than other people's 100%. I started a new role and I've been consciously trying to give it 80%, & so far, it's enough. If I'm not meeting expectations, I trust that my manager will tell me and I will have room for repair. But I think there's a biiiiiig gap between "enough" and "my best" and I was just burning out over and over again at "my best."

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My fiancée has this problem. She is so hard working and such a perfectionist that she forgets sometimes her 100% is everybody else’s 150%. It causes her so much anxiety and stress when she gets into her head about not doing enough in a day, which can be hard especially if you are in a toxic office with bad management, as they will push you for every bit of time and energy you have and will never give you that feedback to find the right balance.

At that point it becomes up to you to evaluate what you do in the day vs what someone else does in a day, and if all else fails, just set quantifiable markers for what a full day’s work looks like. It might mean responding to a certain number of emails, or having 0 emails in your inbox, or spending 2 hours doing X task every day and 3 hours of Y. And then clocking out emotionally past a certain time. Define/write down explicitly what an ‘emergency’ after work hours means to you, and then see what happens if you let one non-emergency wait until the morning.

The biggest secret of adulthood, for me, was how little the average person gets done during a workday, and how much of a ‘workday’ is not active work (for most people who work in an office, at least). Sometimes we need a reminder that if it doesn’t benefit our wallet or our life to work so much harder than everyone else, it is not worth the sacrifice.

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Make a list of all the bad habits. When you feel yourself starting to default to them, pause and ask if you could try something differently.

Start slow by setting work hour boundaries - like committing to sign off at 5 every day or not start until 9. Block lunch on your calendar. If you could work late and turn something around in 1 day but if you signed off on time and it would take you 2 days - take 2 days and set the right timing expectation. It’s not easy to retrain these things!

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