{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Anyone have parents who constantly disapprove of your career choices? I’m trying to quit consulting for better WLB and pay but my dad gets mad every time I bring it up. I don’t know what to do.", "post_id": "61992130edf06e00338e8106", "reply_count": 65, "vote_count": 18, "bowl_id": "5ae4a4f739e7cb001391ec8b", "bowl_name": "Consulting Exit Opportunities" }

Anyone have parents who constantly disapprove of your career choices? I’m trying to quit consulting for better WLB and pay but my dad gets mad every time I bring it up. I don’t know what to do.

likefunnyhelpful
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That's tough. As the parent, I've learned to just support my adult kids when they come for career advice lest they stop asking. My oldest who recently married is looking at a job change and while I'm not sure it's the smartest move, I'm never going to say that, choosing instead to answer questions and offer guidance only when asked for. Your Dad means well, but you have to do what's right for you. I'd have an honest conversation and explain that while you value his input, this type of input isn't helpful. At the end of the day, you have to do what's right for you. Deep down he knows this. I hope you sort it out. My mother wanted me to go in a different direction and my Dad gave me grief about my chosen major. It still worked out. Good luck.

likeuplifting

Tell your father that you understand his position but would really like to have a conversation based on your career change as you see it. Tell him you are concerned that he will make this conversation and any future conversations impossible and that would not only sadden you but also deprive you of his helpful insights as you progress through your own adult life. Don’t continue at that point on that day to have a further conversation on the topic. Let him know that you are open to a meeting on the topic if he decides that he can adjust to helping in ways that you are asking for help. The meeting should be at least one week away from the original conversation and in a public place targeted to his preferences. You should start the meeting with something like: I’m really pleased that you are willing to help in a way that I can use. Don’t be distracted by diversions, just steer the conversation back on topic. If he refuses or becomes angry, thank him for his time and walk away. Note1: pay in advance or have the cash to leave at the table (you picked the place for his comfort but for your planned meeting) Note2: if you are then going home to his house, cheerfully welcome him home. If this fails to progress, wait until he brings it up and then follow the same routine. Note1: you have to really listen. Note2: you may need to move from his house, if that is where you live Note3: he is probably right both for himself and partly for you; but you need to decide what is mostly right for you. Say that if you haven’t.

smart
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If he cares about your job so much he can apply for the vacancy one you move on to greener pastures

likefunnysmarthelpful

Lol this one is new. I have known close family members feeling bad about folks working 12+ hrs a day, but none who wilfully encourage this sort of behaviour. Can’t even ask you to switch families. Much easier to do that with a job.

likefunnysmart

Finish 1yr of experience then go

Find a better offer and then tell them after you've accepted. He won't be mad if he knows you leveled up

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No B&C, I have Arab ones: "Why an A and not an A+?" I had my own issues to deal with lol. Parents' expectations can be hard to live up to no matter where your parents are from. We need to learn how to set healthy boundaries while still showing love and respect. Unfortunately, some people just have broken or toxic parents that project their own insecurities or perceived injustices onto their children and try to break them down instead of build them up.

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My parents questioned why I'd go work at a risky tech company back in 2012 right after undergrad (the company was Google 🙄

likefunnysmart

Love it

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live the life you want to live, not what others expect from you

likeuplifting

As an Asian immigrant, I know exactly how you feel. I am going to yell this at you - THIS IS YOUR LIFE!! DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY! There is a high probability they will come around and if they don’t, it’s their loss. Mine finally did and actually said they were proud of me recently.

likeuplifting

If I did everything my parents expected me to - I would be probably not be here to type this. I was so obsessed with making other people happy that I had a nervous breakdown and hospitalization. You cannot live your life based on someone else’s expectations. You have to do what makes you happy and let him come to terms with his own expectations for his own unfulfilled life that he’s projecting on you.

likeuplifting

I feel ya - my dad is the same way. He was a partner at one of the bigger firms and thinks anything less than making partner is a failure. It also doesn’t help that I’m constantly compared to my cousin who made partner at a law firm by age 30. Just do what is best for you. Your dad is not living your life. At the end of the day you are the one that has to live with your career choices.

likeuplifting

Why do you bring it up with him?

like

I obviously know nothing about your situation, but would set new boundaries with your parents. Where you work, who you socialize with, what you value, and where you live need to be owned by you. Otherwise you’ll be miserable and when they pass, it’ll feel hollow.

likeuplifting

Yes. It’s important to try and get out from under your dad’s thumb - I’m in therapy to discuss this subject, it’s a constant feeling of failure and negativity. You define your own success and path in life. The values you hold are your own, and while he’s your father and you love him, set boundaries because this is your life. Your misery is yours, not his. He isn’t the one day in and day out at that desk.

likeuplifting

don’t tell him until it’s done!

like

If you’re over 18, I’d think you’re in a position to make your own decisions. Move out if you haven’t yet

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You should do whatever you want

like

Live your own life. Your parents aren’t working the job for you so they shouldn’t get to make the decision for you.

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Aren’t we all having a decent wlb since the pandemic broke out? Add to it the challenges every organization is facing with manpower retention and power shift to employees’ has only made it better in that regards.

funny

Most people I know (incl. other consultancies) actually have worse wlb since zoom meetings are now often back to back with no time to take a breather or to even prepare the next meeting

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It sounds like it won't get better until you confront him with how it makes you feel, which is a lot easier said than done. He probably sacrificed a lot to help you get where you are but at the end of the day you are your own person and you're responsible for your own happiness. Life is too short to be unhappy for someone else's validation. Sorry you're going through this, I think most people struggle with conforming to their parents expectations in one way or another. I hope you figure it out.

helpful

Long ago, when I told my father I re-enlisted, he told he me wished I hadn't done it. Thanks for being so supportive, dad.

like

Hmmmm. Our choices are our own, and these types of family discussions are part of adulting. It's hard to offer a best fit advice without context of the state of your relationship with dad. What are his arguments? Have you tried to have a discussion about the reason for his concerns? And if you have, do you feel that you have shared enough of your own perspective on what you want to do with your life?

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C1, dealing with parents is an art and a science. Understanding their perspective helps us adult while teaching them that we, too, are adults. They sometimes need more help switching their brains than we do... The more (and the sooner) we help them understand our thinking the better. Most parents worry about their children no matter their age or our ability to make decisions. My parents have both passed away, and as my friends' parents are passing, the only complaint I keep hearing is not having more adult conversations with parents.

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