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Anyone have to move to take care of a parent at a young age? I am in mid-20s living in a cool city and but feel obligated to help take care of a parent in my sleepy hometown.

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I wasted my 20s and 30s doing this and i regret it. Their life stole my life. Don’t make anyones life more important than your own. I’m 40 and just now had my first child cause no time to date while taking care of sick mom for 15 years. I loved her madly but my life has been much better since she died because I actually get to enjoy living it.

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A4, hang in there! I can't even fathom how incredibly hard it must be to take care of aging parents while raising teenagers. Perhaps your wife will consider other options? It may take years, decades even, and then you are too spent to enjoy your own life.

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Can a nurse help? Assisted living? They can also come to live with you instead. I’d refrain from moving home to take care of relatives. You likely want to discuss their needs with their doctors, discuss power of attorney etc before committing to concrete actions.

likehelpful

This

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Yeah, I had to support my dad while I was in college. It really sucked a lot, but it’s the least you can do for your family. Sucks, but you’ll regret it later on if you don’t help them when you can

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Don’t do it! They don’t want that for you either.

likehelpfulfunny

Amazing EY 1! I’m from Latin America and I also support my parents. It’s one of the best decisions I’ve been ever made and I think that leaving a legacy of helping those you care about is a great legacy to leave behind :)

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Welcome to adulthood. Having to do things you’re obligated or don’t really want to do is part of the package. Hopefully you can work remotely, which was rarely an option is many cases in the past. If it really is a long-term situation, would it be possible to move your parent to live closer to you?

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Yes *everyone's* wellbeing, including the younger person who is being asked to sacrifice so much. It's a two-way street.

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Does your company have an EAP program where you can hire at home care? Would your parent be open to independent living housing? There are 55 and over residences that help build a sense of community, encourage exercise and have care facilities very close. I’ve been looking into this for my mother because she wants to be in a place where she can still be social, she feels incredibly isolated at home. Also look at your local senior center resources there may be free van service resource etc. It’s hard to move back to suburbia from a major city at any age but I understand how it can be really frustrating when you haven’t had a lot of the core experiences of your 20’s. It’s hard not to feel like you’re being cheated out of having the life you’ve worked toward. I’m sorry you are going through this, find a way to take care of yourself as well.

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I know several (at least 3) consultants who were very early in their career and budgeted and bought homes for their parents or bought homes large enough for their parents to move in with them. Alternatively, Could you provide financial support instead of moving, for example a home health aide? Different options for this may depend on cultural considerations as well.

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In Latin American culture the expectation is that as your parents age the supporting roles reverse 🔄 and kids go out of their way to take care of your parents through financial help, housing, medical assistance, house shore, or self care. I honestly don’t mind it and have been investing my money so that my parents can retire from working. I think it very much depends on the context of your upbringing and your family’s background. For example, my family immigrated from a developing country that was colonized by white Europeans so they had their resources extracted and after independence the select white immigrants divided most of the power, resources, and land among themselves so I understand that my family has never really had opportunities to grow personally, professionally, and financially. Also, when they came here they had limited options at the American opportunity since we dont make it easy for folks who migrate, language / education barriers forced them to work low paying jobs in the country that has high cost of living. If you are going to go out of your way to help your family I think perspective is very important and I recommend you find a strong valuable personal reason for doing so as it’s more of long term decision that will require consistent support from you to execute well. I personally get satisfaction , joy and self fulfillment from seeing my parents happy so to me it feels me with energy and love when I’m able to support them. Also, consider splitting the responsibility among other brothers / sisters to make it easier. Don’t feel like you have to start big, you can get started with small gestures and then scale them as your income increases throughout your career. Best of luck and happy holidays!

likehelpful

Thanks for all the helpful advice. I am African for context and the youngest of 3 boys. I am the only one that has the flexibility and financial stability to help. Major medical issues early stage cancer, mental issues (from football), and arthritis issues (from football). I see my other parent really struggling to take care of him

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I would look to see it there are other options, but I sympathize. Can I ask what your parent is suffering from ?

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Some really good suggestions here. Yea in the south Asian culture there is an expectation that you will look out for your parents. However it does not mean that you have to give up your life for it. Look into active adult communities or having them relocate closer to you so you can check in and look after them as needed.

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What are the reasons you need to be there to take care of them? If they’re on their deathbed, it may change the convo but already same helpful comments on here.

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