Anyone here have step kids? Would appreciate any advice on how you went about splitting inheritance amongst biological and step children. My wife and I are drafting our wills, and between my own money and family’s money (from my father), we have quite a bit to pass down. I do not feel my step children are entitled to the same split as my biological children, but my wife feels differently. This is a very delicate situation and I want to ensure a fair outcome for all.

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Family money to biological and your own money split evenly. How’s that sound?

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This 👆
Woman here. I agree with C1. Your parents/Family inheritance should go to your biological children. The assets you have with your wife should be split evenly between all kids - yours and hers.

Ask your wife - if the situation were reverse where if you had children before her and she was a stepmom, would she feel another woman’s kids are owed her parents/family inheritance? If it upsets her, what is she going to do about it? Divorce you?

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Don’t think I have an answer here. But consider you’re basically telling your wife you don’t love your step-children as much. Regardless of whether that’s rational you can imagine it hurts, yeah? I’d ask myself if that hurt is worth it.

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Not a real answer, but have you considered talking to the family openly about this (including both biological and step kids)?

The worst thing to happen is when there is a surprise which could cause problems or rifts in the family. Getting things out in the open early could be helpful.

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Biological children get inheritance. Those step children have their own father and grandfather.

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Yeah this is tough. No real solution for you. But wanted to drop a note to wish you the best of outcomes!

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Thank you!

How long have you been their stepfather for? Or how old were they when you came into their life? Do they have a relationship with their biological father?

This. If you’ve been in your step-kids’ lives since they were children (< high school age, and maybe even HS), it feels profoundly shitty to differentiate, especially if their other parent is out of the picture. If they’re adult stepchildren, though, then it feels a little more reasonable to differentiate.

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My stepfather is the only father I have known since I was 5. Have step siblings and his inheritance is to be divided equally amongst all of us whenever it maybe. It does not equate to how much he loves us but speaks a ton without having to. My biological father passed away before I even turned 1 and what was bequeathed to me has been for me. The same has applied to what was bequeathed to my step siblings post their mother’s passing. Honestly- love is love and it comes without riders. Perhaps if you have an open honest relationship , talk to your kids and gauge how they feel about it. Good luck and much love.

PS: Most of the inheritance is what he and my mom built working together for 3.5 decades.

1. From what age have the step kids been parented by yourself?
2. Did you have your biological kids before or after the step kids came into your life? (this can often determine how the biological kids view their step siblings)
3. Is the biological father of your step kids involved in bringing them up in any way?
4. Do the biological parents of your step kids have sizeable family wealth?
5. Most importantly, do your step kids truly consider you as their father and vice versa?

OP: Thanks for sharing the responses. Another factor to consider would be the step son’s age when he moved in with you.

While I don’t have a perfect answer, I believe you would be able to see your own answer by going over these questions a few times. Do what you feel will minimise / eliminate regrets.

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My husband has been Dad since this kid was five. Our intent is for it to go to the surviving spouse first with a few things intentionally left for our siblings and then to our children equally once we kick the bucket.

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