Single Consultants

Anyone in a relationship with someone not at same level of education. My partner makes similar salary. But has a blue collar job and im wondering how you guys have mastered the differences. F40’s

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I’m currently dating a guy that only has a high school diploma and I’m starting my masters (we’re both 26). Our core values are aligned and sometimes he has such deep perspectives on things I would never expect. I do agree that it’s mostly ego (for me it’s having everyone write our relationship off the minute they hear of his background), but I’ve learned to leverage his life expertise and teach him some of my academic expertise to even us both out. I’ve dated many “great on paper” men, and none of them have ever made me feel even 10% of what he does, and that helps me put things in perspective whenever I start to let ego takeover.

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How does this difference impact you and the relationship? Same way you master any other difference. If your core values are similar, you enjoy his company, he’s a good person and treats you well...why would education matter? If this is a situation where it’s your ego and perception of status that is causing the hiccup...well then, leave and let someone else who can see past that have him.

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I would love a blue collar job that makes similar $$... what does he do?

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Lol my husband didn’t even graduate high school and makes way more than I do (~5x my salary). His reading comprehension is shit but he’s one of the smartest people I know other than that. The main difference is our industries. He struggles to understand how the corporate world works and it makes me very jealous of his industry and his position as he gets pretty much whatever he wants. But he earned it so I’m very happy for him and all the work he’s done!

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My boyfriend is in the military. I don’t mind the difference because I think a man in uniform is hot and because I don’t think my job or education makes me any better. He’s an intelligent and kind person, so if anything he’s out of my league.

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I get what OP is saying.. my parents were this way. It’s hard to have common perspectives and interests with there is such a divergence.. my parents have made it so far, but do think it contributes to some challenges

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Maybe time to use some of those points and take a trip to Western Europe?

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He sent be a pic of a suitcase month one and said baby I am ready to travel with you. He pays attention to all the little things and needs I have. Our values about family (we are both divorced and have kids) and finances and human treatment are as close as I have ever experienced. He had to work hard at a young age as he had to raise his kids alone. Mom left them. His circle is not well educated nor have the women he has been with been great choices, he supported them for the most part. He makes a lot of money for his circle so I get why he is always taken advantage of. This is the first time he feels a woman is not with him for financial reasons. So he is like a child in a way in a brand new world and willing to learn and experience everything. But, I also don’t want to have to change him to love him. That is the spot I am now. Am I strong enough to love him for who he is or will I eventually feel frustrated and hurt him with comments or actions. That’s why I posted in here to see if anyone had similar challenges and how they got over the bs thoughts.

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I’m going to send you a DM with my thoughts:)

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He is truly a rare gem and our core values are aligned. But he has never traveled out of the US, hasn’t been exposed to many nice places and often butchers his grammar. I do think it’s ego getting in my own way, but that’s why I am asking for pointers if anyone has been able to get past the shallow ego pulls and made it work.

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Well, with time comes opportunities to go on trips together. You can experience new places with him. A partner should be an enhancement to your life and provide enough different views to open your perception to other ways, thoughts/ideas etc. He might butcher his grammar and not have been to nice places, but Maybe your lifestyle is considered wasteful and pretentious by those with his background; maybe he doesn’t see the sense/value in a lot of the things that your ego is tied to. And that’s ok. Maybe he’ll end up teaching you something new, and you him. Act with love and graciousness. Don’t let your ego or society’s impression tarnish an otherwise great human being and how they care for you.

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Dating in your later 30’s and 40’s is so much harder because older people can get stuck in their ways. If he’s good to you, kind, and you share the core values on what you want out of life together, does it really matter? It’s ok if it does - but you have to be honest with yourself if this is a dealbreaker/checkbox issue or if it’s just you. Some of your concerns are valid - he hasn’t traveled and isn’t well spoken. Does he like it and just hasn’t had the opportunity because he’s been building his career? The more important question is - do you travel well together? If so, you have many many years ahead of you to enjoy finding new places together and having a solid travel partner. Grammar can be learned. Good values and character are much harder to find.

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Education does not equal intelligence so it’s a non-issue for me. Although the lack of travel and grammar might be an issue, less so if they just haven’t had the opportunity to travel, more so if they have no desire to travel

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He has a union job he has been at for over 20 yrs.

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Wow thank you everyone for the great and positive feedback. It’s exactly what I was looking for. It’s hard to ask others who don’t have the added consulting life quirks. Very appreciative of everyone’s inputs!!!

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KPMG 1, how do you handle the family and work functions. I am not there yet, though we are quickly introducing each other to the others world. I have also dated great on paper men and they did not come close as to how this man treats and respects me. Consultant 1, that is exactly my fear, I do sometimes get embarrassed when we are out and he doesn’t know what certain foods are or drinks his beer from the bottle at a fancy place. But then I have a drink or two or three myself and I realize how In tuned he is with me and how we can talk about anything without argument or being mean. How much he makes me laugh and how he heals a very broken heart and then I forget the silly ego driven differences. But I also know there will be moments in the near future where they will stand out and be highlighted because of who we are with or we go. I am trying to open my mind to other types of people as dating in our Industry is not an easy task.

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As Pwc2 above said, I just think of it as a slight embarrassment and it passes so quickly. It also helps that I don’t adhere to all the formalities that society dictates because I’ve seen how uncomfortable it can make people. I have a friend who came to visit me with her husband and we went to this really fancy restaurant and she spent the whole dinner embarrassing him for not using the right fork, or buttering his whole bread and just really stupid things. I’ve also had coworkers who were so “high society” and still miserable in their seemingly perfect relationships. So that kinda put it all in perspective for me. I still occasionally have initial shock when he doesn’t know what Gouda is, or he’s never had champagne, but my personality is inclined to expose people to different things so I kinda like experiencing all these “firsts” with him. Eventually it’ll even out and you’ll laugh at these early awkward days. This kind of love comes around rarely so I’m willing to work on these bits.

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No, but as long as they weren’t idiots or underachievers, I wouldn’t mind. All that would matter to me is if they brought in the cheddar.

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OP the differences you are talking about are deep rooted, they stem from a way of life 20 or more years in the making. Not sure if a persons way of thinking/lifestyle would change with a trip or 2, its takes years of work their part and willingness to embrace the change if that’s what you have in mind

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