Anyone left their jobs after having a baby to stay at home? I never even considered but just left on maternity leave and don’t think I can see myself going back to biglaw or honestly any other corporate job. If money isn’t an issue and I don’t like what I do, is it worth fighting to keep going in this profession? Guess I need some words of encouragement…

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I did it from big law for four years! I’ve absolutely loved being a SAHM (it’s of course exhausting and, in retrospect, I really wish we had paid for more help so I didn’t have to do as much cleaning and occasionally had an hour of me time) with zero regrets. I’m heading back to work in house in a couple weeks. I definitely considered switching professions tho, but I enjoy being a lawyer. I also considered never going back to work, but we’re not quite financially independent.

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5 years in big law.

I relate so much to this post and would love to talk to you directly about my experience grappling with this decision and what I have learned in the process. Direct message me or email me at erinalysse@gmail.com if you want to chat. I have 3 boys under 4 years old and my youngest two are only 14 months apart (both pandemic babies - one at the start in 2020 and one in June of this year). I left my big law firm in April 2019 without any backup plan whatsoever but the decision took me way longer than it should have because I let fear and stigma and the unknown prevent me from making a move for way too long and I stayed miserable and burnt out for the entire first two years of my first son's life. Since then I have discovered that there are literally limitless options that allow me to pursue something I love, make way better money for the time invested and work a consistent schedule of less than 30 hours a week all from my home office. I have tons of resources that really helped me process what I wanted and confidently make a change in order to live the life that I wanted more and I cannot tell you how much I wish I would have had the awareness and guts to do it earlier because I am so much happier. Honestly the biggest issue I have now is having too many opportunities that interest me and align with my strengths and resisting the urge to say yes to more than I am willing to give up my personal time for and my biggest issue in this transition is trying to decide on one or two meaningful work options at a time to focus on so I can really enjoy myself and have the flexible workweek I want. I still have childcare 3 days a week when I am working from home or spending time on my passion projects / side hustles that I am pursuing, but I have the freedom to take my 4 year old to school every morning and pick him up in the afternoon, to take time off for stuff I want to do whether it be a vacation, a legal conference or a random hobby course, and to make my work schedule work with my husband's pharmacist hours without us being two ships passing in the night like we used to be. I am home for dinner every night and I always get to kiss all three of my kiddos goodnight during the workweek (which sadly did not happen more than I care to admit with my first little dude before I left my law firm in 2019). It's all about finding the path that personally aligns with you and the vision you have for your life and it's not an "all or nothing" decision because there are so many options out there both in law and out of law that will surprise you. I could go on and on about this subject matter because it is so personal to me. I hope you consider contacting me directly because I'd love to share some of the resources that really helped me shift my path and let go of the fear and shame I was holding onto about leaving my big firm job. Listen to that gut because you already know that there is something pulling you to consider making a change - dont ignore it! :)

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I left BigLaw as a third year to stay at home with my oldest but only lasted three months before I was going out of my mind. It was much harder to be a SAHM than I thought it would be. I ended up going back to work doing contract work (doc review, etc.) so that I had something else to do but didn’t have the pressure of BigLaw. One of those contract gigs turned into an in-house job at a pubco and I took it after my second was born. Did that for a while before coming back to BigLaw with school age kids. All to say, I don’t regret stepping back from the BigLaw rat race for a while since it gave me some good years with the kids while they were little but ultimately wanted the challenge of BigLaw again.

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I never thought I’d want anything but to work as a lawyer. Then I had my son. Everyone said “just wait, it’ll get better. Don’t quit, you’ll feel differently as he gets older.” 2 years later, I’ve never felt that way. I always missed him while I worked and love the days I get to be full time mom. If anyone knows how to leave & then renter the workforce in a few years, I’d love to hear tips too! (Just had baby 2)

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A3 - my employment gap has seriously been a non-issue for employers. I think being a SAHM for a few years happens more often these days so employers don’t find it so strange. I might have been a slightly stronger candidate without a resume gap, but I was able to get an amazing job almost immediately after I started looking. I didn’t do anything special to my resume either.

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If I could’ve afforded it I would have absolutely stayed home with my babies for the first few years. You can’t get that time back and it goes by so quickly.

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I would love to hear more about how to “make the transition in a way that doesn’t derail you financially.”

You can also be bored to be a stay at home mom (did it because of immigration and green card/work authorization took forever!). At the same time, I do think it’s pretty hard to reconcile parenthood and big law (albeit plenty of people do it). I don’t regret spending more time with my kids but I personally wouldn’t do it for too long. Also if you’re in Big Law, there are plenty of in-house options where you can definitely find more WLB. Do you have a good network around you to help you when you’re still working at a law firm?

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My husband and I got our first child at 29, when my partner was still at 3rd year Corporate associate at a V2. Rough, relationship and work wise, but we are not regretting it in retrospect. I took time off since life wouldn’t have been manageable with my partner’s work schedule (Think coming back home at 11 PM on good days!). Our children are almost 2 and 4 now. When our first child was 2, my SO left Big Law and we haven’t regretted it. At this point, he took our child twice out of the home and had spent zero time with us. We were due for a change!

Associates and partners won’t change for your children and frankly, their expectations will be the same. If you have the means and the lifestyle is 15 working hours a day, why not be gentle with yourself and take a little break to assess if being a parent change your work/life perspective? For us, it did! With you asking the question, I feel you probably won’t miss Big Law.

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Give it a little more time-- when I first went back after leave (as a senior associate), it was great for about 5 months. Then it became unmanageable. I talked to my supervising partner after 6 months of that (I don't recommend waiting that long) with the intention of asking for a leave of absence. He suggested a few options that I didn't even know were on the table (reduced time being most attractive for me). It sounds like you were never crazy about law, so maybe working at a law firm is not going to be a good long-term (or even short-term) fit for you, but if you're unsure about whether it's even workable, I'm sure your firm will try to make it work... most firms can't afford to lose mid-level corporate associates right now.

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Following.

How long have you been on leave? By week 14 I was missing work. Can you come back at a reduced schedule or consider transitioning into a non billable role?

I’m in corporate in a big market. I think that also affects the amount of work and hours, but what I’m seeing with people who work part time at my firm is that they’re still expected to always be available, and it is still hard to disconnect. Maybe it’s a firm/culture thing.

My first child was easy but my second was needier, and I did not go back to work after that second maternity leave. I stayed home until he started school, worked at their school for a few years, then worked as a paralegal for several years. I took the bar exam again after he could drive. In retrospect, I don't know that I would have had children if I had known what it would take to raise them. Once they were here, though, and who they were, I don't think I had much of a choice but to stay home.

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