{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Anyone over here who have lost their mothers at an early age due to suicide or any other reason?\nMy spouse is a competent educated well earning man and I think he'll be able to raise my 2 kids. My life is not what I had imagined and I don't have the strength to fight because I don't even know what I want. I feel it'll be better if I'm not around for my parents, for my spouse, it's just my kids that I think of that quasi stops me. But I feel even they'll be better off with someone else. Numb.", "post_id": "5f5f6975214cb7002546b173", "reply_count": 31, "vote_count": 4, "bowl_id": "59d02db312fe2f0011e02215", "bowl_name": "Depression/Anxiety Talk", "feed_type": "bowl" }
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Anyone over here who have lost their mothers at an early age due to suicide or any other reason?
My spouse is a competent educated well earning man and I think he'll be able to raise my 2 kids. My life is not what I had imagined and I don't have the strength to fight because I don't even know what I want. I feel it'll be better if I'm not around for my parents, for my spouse, it's just my kids that I think of that quasi stops me. But I feel even they'll be better off with someone else. Numb.

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I’m sorry you feel this way. I’ve felt that way before, too. But, just know the people left behind will be devastated. They do love you. They do need you. They do want you. They’d be heartbroken you didn’t trust them to help you through this period. If you’re not comfortable talking with them, go to an unbiased counselor where you are safe to express yourself without worrying about a reaction from your loved ones. The counselor can also help you work through your expectations, disappointments, and help find something you may want to work toward, and will look forward to. You may also want to look into medication to temporarily your balance mind and mood while you work toward stability. Please consider alternatives.

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First of all, thank you for sharing your thoughts. I think it really takes courage to write what you feel, but remember there is more help than you realize.

I lost my mom when I was 15. I’m a lot older now and I still get dreams about her. She was my strength and my biggest regret now is that I’m unable to show her what I’ve achieved.

Don’t underestimate the power of a mom and how kids would need you no matter how old they are. As far as your parents, you have your own life now. As far as your SO, you can leave him and focus on the kids. No need to be with someone who is not supportive. Constant negative feedback has an impact has an impact and you need more positive energy around you so that you can transfer it to your kids.

Happy to talk more; DM or call if needed. We are here to help the best we can, but like others have said, talking to a counselor is a first step.

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Thank you to everyone who responded. I actually woke up so positive this morning - wanting to be happy & cheering on the kids, doing some training at work, eating on time. And just out of nowhere, I am now just crying non-stop and feeling so helpless and miserable.
Y'all are right - my kids need me. I looked at em all morning. All my little one wanted was for me to be around and hug him. I think he'll be completely shattered if he wakes up one morning and I'm gone forever. I just need to have a constant stream of this courage

likeuplifting

Please get help. Moms can really impact kids outcomes. They provide love, nurturing, protection. My Mom died of cancer when I was 30 and a full adult. I still grieve deeply for her, and miss her sincerity and her laugh.

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My friend lost their dad to suicide and for most of their life, they fixated on why their dad didn't want them... My friend is alive and okay but still struggles way into their 20s. It's worth noting that a huge risk factor for suicide is having family who have died that way.

Suicides are deeply traumatic for everyone. Everyone. I've had full on panic attacks for suicides of people who weren't even directly my friends. Your kids would carry this into every relationship and interaction they have.

Do you have a safety plan/do you need help coming up with one?

likehelpful

I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. I have been having dark thoughts lately, but the only thing that would stop me is the pain I would have left on my mother.

Your children need you - no matter how competent your partner is, you’re irreplaceable to them. Please seek help and fight for them at least

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Please go see a psychiatrist or psychologist. It’s ok to not be ok, but suicidal ideation is not something I think you should soldier through. Talking to an objective professional may help you to identify what is causing these feelings and if it is brain chemistry related maybe prescribe something. I was on my way to the airport for a client meeting when my wife called to say she had rung the ambulance to take her to hospital because she was worried she may self harm. She was on suicide watch for 3 days. She still has bad days but after sessions with the psyche and getting the correct medication she is doing much better - definitely a lot happier. If she had died that day it would have permanently broken me. We have 3 kids.

I hope you find some peace and can give yourself grace.

likehelpful

Not true

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It’s definitely not true. Please go talk to a professional- you have a bunch of people who would be irrevocably devastated without you, and you are vital to them. You are valuable, and you are capable of control and change- this may be a really low time for you, but it doesn’t have to last forever, so please find a therapist who can help you get through it.

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I haven’t lost my mom but I do have a depressed mom. If I had lost her, I would have been devastated and scarred for life. Please seek out a therapist.

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My mom lost her mother at age 14 and I know it impacts her and her relationship with me heavily to this day. They need you very, very much. Please, please don’t do anything. Reach out to me to talk if you need to 💕 You’re stronger than you think.

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OP, please please please find help.

My mother died when I was 7. My life was destroyed because of it. I'm in my 50s and have never fully recovered. I've been depressed most of my life, never lived to my potential, and have not been able to have healthy relationships. My therapist said it all stems back to PTSD from the trauma of losing her at such a young age.

I felt this way when I was younger. Thought my kids would be better without me. I checked myself inpatient and it helped. Since then I have been inpatient 3 more times. This was better ages 30 and 45. I am better now and so glad I am here.

I beg you...beg you..please find help.

We are here for you if you need. DM are open.

🤗

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Please, please get help. Losing a parent to suicide makes children more likely to die by suicide themselves and increases their risk of developing a range of major psychiatric disorders (John Hopkins Children Center).
My best friend’s father killed himself when he was 17 and my friend later struggled w/ addiction and unfortunately took his own life at 28. Everyone around him was devastated and still are.
Depression is real and I don’t underestimate its crippling nature but there is help out there. You just need to take the first step.
Sending you positive thoughts 💕

likesmart

And as I type that, I have tears rolling down my face and a lump in my throat. I guess it's that feeling that stops me & keeps me going

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It's okay to have the feeling. It's okay to be unsure. Life is really damn hard right now. But see all of these comments of support in minutes?

Imagine if every time you feel like you're not doing enough, you post here, and people just tell you how they cope and how they raise kids and how they navigate marriage and parents and all of that?

You're not alone in your struggles, not even a little bit. When you ask for help and accept it, you give yourself the relief you crave. When you take suggestions and help, you find relief. Death won't give you the kind of relief you crave. Not given how you clearly love your kids so much.

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A good friend of mine’s father died by suicide when she was 16. She’s in her mid 40s and still impacted, still talks about it, still has a difficult time on Father’s Day, his birthday, the anniversary of his death. This is a life-defining event. They will not be better off without you. Do not underestimate how devastating and life-changing this will be for your kids. Please get some help for yourself and your kids. You are important and you matter. You can do this.

likehelpful

I worked on a suicide case years ago. I learned from our expert that the suicide of a parent makes it much more likely that the children will also die by suicide. Please seek help ASAP. Does your employer have an employee assistance program (EAP)?

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I didn’t lose my mom and am lucky to still have her so me. Sadly I have had similar thoughts to what you have described and it was my two children, mother, sister (also a mother) and a counselor to help pull me through it. Please, please talk with a counselor or DM me and I am happy to talk with you too.. life is tough, we make mistakes but we fight to live another day...suicide is not the answer.

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My parents have always been disappointed in me (unless I just follow each & every direction set out by them). My spouse and I have no relationship whatsoever. I don't have friends that really are impacted by my existence on this Earth. The only directly impacted population is my children - 2 of them.
And if someone else can provide for them better than I can, I keep wondering why it wouldn't be the best for them to not have me around if all I do is yell at them or be depressed or be apathetic.

Talk to the 13 year old. Tell them you're sorry for yelling sometimes and that you're trying to do the best you can for them, but you're not always sure what to do and that you're scared. Be honest, but not too specific.

Try to do it when you're feeling calmer and not crying. Just know that being emotionally honest (without relying on them) will completely completely help you be the parent you want to be.

Maybe your parents taught you that parenting was all rules and being correct. But the best parents are honest about their emotions and how their emotions impact behavior. That teaches kids to think about their own behavior that way. Kids are bright. The 13 yo will get it.

A lot of the pressure you feel is in trying to recreate your own childhood for your kids, since that's all you know. But all this emotion isn't a weakness, you have an opportunity to show them what it means to be yourself and be a good person outside of expectations. As you teach your kids, you will be teaching yourself.

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Maybe it’s not what you want but it could be a lot worse and you would make your kids life 100% worse.

This was me last summer. I attempted suicide. Depression speaks to you in your voice and tells you things that are not true. Please get help. PM if you need to.

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