Anyone tried marriage counseling? Has that worked for your marriage? How long did the counseling last?

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Yep! I highly recommend it. One of the best decisions my wife and I made. Our marriage was rough, but counseling really allowed us to work through a lot of stuff in a safe and fair manner. We have been doing it for 2 years, but now we meet with our therapist individually once or twice a month for an hour. Again, I highly recommend it and definitely worth the effort.

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May i ask what were the issues initially that prompted you two to do counseling?

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Some High-level issues: communication, anger, expectations we had for each other, conflict resoultion, trust, behavioral addictions, etc.

Also another major factor contributing to our rough marriage is that my wife and I both had trauma from our childhoods that we never dealt with. Also, our families never modeled a healthy marriage. Plus we are both from completely different ethnic backgrounds.

I guess what I am trying to say is that many of the issues we had on display were due to fears and traumatic experiences that needed to be explored and understood with a professional

helpful

Absolutely worth it. It really helps to have a neutral third party to help talk through issues and hold each of you accountable to your role in the marriage dynamics.

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Went to 5 different marriage counselors. Got divorced. Now we get along great! Not even 30 yet

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Tried a few counselors before finding a phenomenal one. We only had six sessions, but they were incredibly transformative.

We were struggling with general communication, comparison, and empathy challenges.

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Amongst ourselves. I would often ‘keep score’ and also realized that the shame-based motivation I used on myself was also starting to creep up in our dialogue.

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If you are both on board I cannot say enough good things about John Gottman‘s work. Now they are doing their amazing weekend workshops virtually. And there are a lot of certified Gottman therapists if you don’t live in the Seattle area. My husband and I took his weekend workshop when we were engaged as a wedding present to ourselves and it’s the best money we’ve ever spent.
 https://www.gottman.com/product/the-art-and-science-of-love-virtual-event/

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I literally just started to look into this. Married for 6 years and it's gettin rough. Need help sooner than later

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What’s the cause of your issues? Just curious if you don’t mind sharing.

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We went for a few months - felt like it was helpful to understand the other persons point of view. For example, my husband asks a million questions rather than what I would consider 1-2 good questions. Counseling helped me realize that’s how he processes information which makes sense based on the type of work he does (uses linear thinking). That insight alone has really helped our communication. We didn’t continue because of my travel schedule but we would definitely do it again. I have also read the Gottman books which were helpful.

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Did if for several months but it didn’t work because I had so much resentment

Sorry to hear.

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